


Skinny Love - Larry Stylinson

by dalouisbooty



Category: One Direction
Genre: Chaptered, Fanfiction, Love, M/M, Smut, Styles - Freeform, boy/boy, chapters, direction, harry - Freeform, larry - Freeform, louis - Freeform, one - Freeform, skinny - Freeform, skinny love, stylinson, tomlinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-03 02:07:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 72,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dalouisbooty/pseuds/dalouisbooty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles, member of the famous boyband One Direction has it all. The fame, the money, the love, the attention, almost everything someone could want. Harry also thought he had it all as well, until he slowly begins to develop feelings for a certain member of the band. Harry tries to push all the feelings he has been growing throughout the months. He denies he is in love and figures if he ignores it, soon it will all go away. However, what if he can't ignore it? </p><p>Love is a powerful thing, but what if everything you have is at stake? Even if Harry accepts it himself, will the rest of the world accept it too? Will Louis Tomlinson, the one Harry loves have mutual feelings for Harry? Or will all those love gestures be a sign of affection for a friend and nothing more? </p><p> </p><p>Author's Note: </p><p>This is in fact a boyxboy fan fiction. Larry Stylinson to be more correct so if you are not okay with that please do not read. Thank you for all your support! xo</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, so my name is Alexa, nice to meet you! I am the writer of this story and cannot wait for you to read the whole book. I worked hard on this book so please do not steal any part of my writing! I do not proof read my chapters before I publish them so sorry for any errors! We will begin this book, where it all began! The X Factor, I hope that is okay! I'll try and make the X Factor stages quick and a few chapters long! Enjoy the story! xo
> 
> *Also before you read* The Bootcamp Results scene was written closely to what actually was shown on television. So almost all the lines during the results are almost exactly said, and done how it was shown on the show. A video link to it will be available to see at the end of the chapter. enjoy. xo
> 
> -a

Harry's POV

I didn't know what to expect when I came to audition for the X Factor. Passing the first round and getting through was a moment I would never forget. It told me that I was actually good at something I loved to do. Singing.

I wasn't sure how far I could get in this show and I was a bit nervous and timid. Everyone seemed to have a goal around me. Some wanted just to get past the first round, others boot camp, or live shows, and most of us, to win. I was here living day to day. Whatever came, I took it. 

Which brought me to where I stood right now. The results that can continue my career, or completely end it. 

I was currently standing on stage in a line of other boy contestants. The atmosphere was quiet and nervous. You could tell everyone was just wanting to know who got through and who was going to be sent back home. I began shaking with nervousness. The judges were currently calling out the names of the contestants who got through.

The judges were cutting a lot of contestants today, which made me extremely scared. I bit my lip and began to sweat tremendously. I took off the grey beanie I was wearing and ruffled my curls, continuing to put it back on. I stood just staring into space, thinking, this is where it can start or end.

Simon pulled the microphone to his lips and said, "The first person through to the judge's houses is..." my heart began to pump about three times faster than it already was. I rubbed my hands together and felt more sweat being shed. "John Wilding."

My face sadden but quickly realized, he wasn't the only one who was going to be going through. There was still more names, and one of them could possibly be me. 

I looked down the row of boys who stood next to me. They were all here for the same reason as me. To be somebody, to be given a chance to be successful. They all felt exactly what I felt, the wanting and need to be accepted at something you love. 

The names continued to be called, none of them mine. "Nicolo Festa, Paije Richardson, Aiden Grimshaw, Marlin Makenzie." 

I saw the guy next to me cover his face with his hands and kneel to the floor. I heard clapping as I covered my face as well. Saddeness overan me. Each name being called was another chance of fulfilling my dream being snatched from me. 

Names kept being called out, but of course I didn't hear my name. I was waiting for Simon to continue calling names, hoping for one of them to be mine. I kept chanting in my head, Harry Styles, Harry Styles, Harry Styles. But of course my name wasn't said. 

"That's it guys." Simon said through the microphone. "Really really sorry." 

I looked around with no emotion shown on my face. I stared out into the empty crowd ahead of me. What if I did a bit better on my performance? Would I have made it through? Would I be able to perform on a stage like this in front of a filled crowd cheering and calling out my name?

I didn't know what to think as I walked off backstage with the rest of the declined contestants.

The atmosphere was full of crying and sad contestants, who were just told they couldn't continue on with their dream. 

I began to cry as I was called over by a camera man. I couldn't hide the tears as the camera man was trying to get a reaction out of me. As if crying wasn't a good reaction enough.

I took off my beanie and let out a long shaky sigh, filled with my sobs. I brought the beanie to my face and wiped some tears away. I looked away from the camera as I said, "I'm really gutted." 

**

I began to walk down the hallway with my luggage trailing behind me. It was time for my departure and time to leave the show for good. I already called my mum Anne, to let her know I was coming home. A part of me was happy I was going home, but a bigger part of me was completely dead with dissapointment.

I kept imagining what I would do if my name was called. Would I jump in the air, feeling relieved? Would I run and cheer and jump backstage knowing I was good enough to make it through? That could've been my oppurtuinity to make myself known to the world. That I was Harry Styles and I wanted to sing. That was something I would never find out. 

As I was approaching the doors and leave to my awaiting future back home, a producer with a headset tapped me on the shoulder.

"Harry Styles, please go head to backstage once again, you're needed for an interview." The producer then left to somewhere else.

I was thinking about leaving, just leave and forget about the interview. I don't want to be reminded I was just kicked off the show. I don't want someone to show a microphone in my hands and describe how I'm feeling. I don't want to go backstage and see all the contestants who made it cheering and calling up their proud families. I just wanted to leave and pretend I was never here. But I couldn't.

Sighing I turned back around with my luggage trailing behind me and headed back to where I was before. I finally reached backstage and saw two groups. One big group of girls, and one big group of boys. I saw that all the people were rejected acts just like me. 

I saw everyone's luggage in the corner. I walked to the corner and put my suitcase next to a red suitcase and walked back to the boys' group. 

I didn't know anyone so I didn't talk. I stood there like a few other boys as well. It was about four minutes until a man wearing a headset, a black shirt, green shorts, and sneakers walk up. He was obviously a man who worked here. He was holding a paper in his hands.

Everyone who was talking stopped talking as he stood in front of us boys.

"The judges are calling back a few people, if your name is called please make your way back to the stage." The man said.

My heart leaped, as he said those words. Why would the judges call people back? I was hoping it was something good but I was too fragile to get my hopes up, so I guess I'll think to myself that it's nothing. 

"Zayn Malik." The man called out from the list.

A boy with black hair stepped out of the crowd.

"Liam Payne." He continued.

I saw a boy with brown hair and immediately recognized him as a contestant from an earlier season.

"Harry Styles." The man said.

As a reaction I brought my hands to my eyes. As much as I was telling myself that it may not even be a second chance, I couldn't help it. I couldn't help but feel that this was going to be something good. I know I shouldn't think positive because if I do, I might get my hopes up but I can't help it. What if I am given a second chance?

I didn't even pay attention as the other names were called. All I cared about was finding out what was going to happen next.

Once all the names were called we were ushered back up to the stage. 

Everything was happening fairly quickly. I only got a glance of the other boys who were heading up to the stage with me. 

I remember Liam, and Zayn being called but I don't remember the other two being called. They must've been called after me because I wasn't paying attention after they said my name.

The other two boys who were called looked around my age. One of them had blonde hair and the other was wearing a red beanie but I could see his brown hair peeking through. He kind of reminded me of a peter pan for some reason.

I didn't think much about it considering my heart was racing with anticipation. There was no time to think as we were finally standing on stage once again.

It felt weird being here only an hour after I was kicked off the show. The last time I stood here, I was still on the show. Now that I'm here, I'm not sure what I am exactly.

I looked over to the group on the other side of the stage. It was a group of girls that I had recognized walking around before. 

I stood on the far right with the blonde boy standing to my left, with my left arm wrapped around his shoulder. He had his arm around my waist. It was kind of weird that we were embracing each other when we had no idea who the other was. Maybe it was because we saw the girls to the right of us holding hands when they walked in. Either way, what mattered was what the judges wanted from us.

I looked over to the judges expectantly waiting for them to talk.

"Hello." One of the judges soft and small voice said through the mic.

There was a joined sound of hi's from both groups.

"Thank you so much for coming back. I know juding from some of your faces that this is really hard." She took a slight pause. "We've thought long and hard about it, and we thought each of you as individuals. And we just feel that you're too talented to let go of. We think it would be a great idea to have two seperate groups." 

As soon as she said that my hopes have been lifted from the pit of my stomach. Before I had time to cheer Simon said, "We've decided to put you both through to the judge's houses." 

I immediately sunk to the floor burying my face in my hands. I hear screams and cheers from all around but I couldn't really proccess being thrown out, and being accepted back in. I was being given a second chance, a second chance to get farther, to get known. Even if it was with four random boys, it was still a chance. If we tried hard enough it could work. 

I felt someone put their hands on my shoulders from behind and just assumed it was one of the boys. I still didn't move though, I was in so much shock. 

I got up from the floor and we all went in for a group hug. I could hear some of the boys chanting but I was too stunned to speak. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. 

Simon spoke into the mic, "Guys guys, girls." We all turned to him, "This is a life line you have got to work ten, twelve, fourteen hours a day, every single day and take this opportunity. You got a real shot here guys." Simon winked and I couldn't wipe the stupid smile off my face.

Yes it would be a lot of work, but it's way better than the news I received an hour ago. It was quite weird thinking I was going to be arriving here as a solo contestant, but now I got four new contestants. At first I saw them as a threat, now I need to see them as a partner, as a friend. 

We cheered as we ran off the stage and back to the remaining contestants. Running off that stage, I knew it would definitely change my life, but I had no idea how dramatic that change would really be.

**

I was currently sitting in my bunk at the contestant's houses. I was holding my journal in my hands. It was a gift from my mum, she told me while I was here I should write my expierences. My mum had a lot of faith in me and she told me I should record everything I'm feeling as a way to look back on how it all started. I agreed to make her happy but I also thought it would be a good thing. It may be a bit girly but no one had to know. 

I made a few entries before I auditioned. I made a few after and during the bootcamp stages. However I never wrote after I got joined up with my four mates because of how little time I've had. But I decided now would be a good time to get caught up.

Dear Journal,

Sorry I haven't written in a few weeks. A lot has happened. So I did my absolute best at bootcamp and it was weird and something I never expected to happen, happened.

I got voted off at first and I was devasted but then I got called back. I didn't really know why I got called back, the producers told me it was for a last minute interview. But it wasn't an interview instead I got put in a band with four other lads who also got kicked off. 

After we got off the stage it was a bit awkward. We knew we had to be bandmates but most of all friends for this to work. Everything we do reflects on our performance. I was no longer a solo artist, I was in a band and to be honest it's quite a shock. 

So those few days after we got told the news, we needed some time to bond and get to know each other. All the boys are great lads and I'm thankful we didn't get some weirdo.

First is Liam. From what I picked up Liam was here a year or two before but he got voted off. He has an amazing voice which is good for the competition. He's one of our strongest singers I think. He is a bit more responsible than the others and keeps telling us we need to rehearse. I know we do but sometimes we get a little bit sidetracked. It's good we have him because he gets us back on track most of the time. He's a great lad and insanely easy to get a long with. He kinda has Justin Bieber hair. We also named his mole on his neck Jeffery. 

Next is Niall, he's irish and you can tell by his accent. I like to hear him talk because of that to be honest. His laugh is literally the most loudest laugh I've ever heard but it's okay because whenever I get nervous and he starts laughing I can't help but laugh too. He finds everything funny which is a trait I wish I had. His voice is different and unique, it's hard to explain, it has sort of a rasp to it. Niall eats quite a lot but not a whole lot. Whenever we have time off he just wants to stay at home and relax, he's a bit too carefree. He has blonde hair and insanely blue eyes. I don't think he's a natural blonde though, but it's good because we don't have a blonde in the group.

We also have Zayn. Zayn was a bit more quiet at first than the others. He is a bit hard to read most of the time. He's a bit more selfkept and shy. I thought it was going to be hard to be friends with him because of how quiet he could be. It was good after a few days because he came out of his shell. His voice is absolutely amazing and is as good as Liam. I think he also has one of the strongest voices out of all of us. At rehearsals he hit so many highnotes that I wish I could hit. He's becoming a bit more mischevious every day which is a lot more fun. Zayn overall is a great lad. 

Lastly is Louis. I happened to be closest to Louis than any of the other boys. We kind of just clicked. After we got off stage we instantly hit it off. Louis thinks of everything as a joke which is most of the time very amusing. He's kind of the prankster of the group. He's the oldest as well, I think he's 18 which is ironic because I'm the youngest. His voice is a bit lighter, softer, and a bit more girly but it's good to have diversity. He always massages my curls. He is my best mate out of all of them. One night I couldn't fall alseep and he let me bunk with him which was quite nice of him. I thought he would've gotten weirded out but he didn't. He let me in his bed with open arms. I fell asleep right away. His eyes are the brightest and most mesmerizing blue eyes I've ever seen. I always find myself getting lost in the sea of blue. His brown hair is really soft and feathery. I always touch his hair but it's okay because he always feels my curls as well. He calls me Hazza and Haz? I find it weird but cute at the same time. It makes me feel special. 

I got to go Niall is calling me and I don't want anyone to find this journal. They might think I'm weird. Also my hand is hurting like hell Byeeee!

-Harry x

I shut my journal and placed it under my pillow. I know such a cliche place to hide it but it's not like I had anywhere else to put it since I share a room with the rest of the boys. There was three bunk beds in the room and the room was also quite small. Louis trashed it with all his clothes, and shoes which is quite annoying but I've learned to tolerate it. Liam is telling him to clean it constantly but of course he never listens.

"Harry!!" Niall called once more.

"Coming!" I screamed. 

I had a bunk with Louis. I slept on the top bunk above Louis, while he slept on the bottom. I climbed down the ladder and tried not to step on anything while making my way to the door. I walked out of the room and down the stairs to reach one of the living rooms in the contestants home.

We shared a house with all the other contestants but we didn't see them much. We usually just stick to ourselves and rehearse most of the time. Even when we had time to stay at home and relax we just lounged as a group. 

I walked into the living room and saw Niall messing around with the television.

"Hey Niall." I said approaching him.

"Wanna play Mario Kart? I found the game in Liam's suitcase." Niall offered.

I chuckled, "Why were you in Liam's suitcase?" I asked.

He shrugged, "I was bored, I looked in yours too but yours was boring, nothing but clothes." 

"Oi, you knuckle head don't look through my stuff." I scolded.

What if he found my journal? That would have been awkward.

I plopped on the couch and waited for Niall to put in the game. He did and he handed me the controller.

We played video games for about an hour until I got bored because I kept beating Niall.

"Niall this is boring, I keep winning at least put up a fight." I groaned throwing my head back and stopped playing the game.

Niall continued playing intently while I just gave up. "You're gonna pay for that Harry! I need to at least win one game, you can't leave now!" He said his eyes fixed on the screen. I was about to say something until he began to laugh evily, "I pushed you off the edge!"

"Finally, can I go now you weirdo?" I asked.

He huffed, "Fine."

I got up from the couch and walked up to our room. I decided maybe I should just head in for the night considering tomorrow was our first live show. I walked into our bedroom to find Louis laying down on his bunk listening to music. He didn't see me or hear me come inside because of his earbuds and he wasn't facing me.

I slowly crept up to where he was laying. I peered around the room and saw we were the only ones in here. I discovered Louis is extremely ticklish so since then I've been using it to my advantage.

Slowly but surely I reached him and without hesistation I pounced on top of him. My legs quickly straddled his waist and I dug my fingers into his armpits. He jumped and began to scream and yelp. His earbuds got knocked out of his ears as he was having a laughing fit. I began to laugh as well becoming amused.

"Haz- Ha- stop please!" He begged in between laughs.

I tickled him even more which caused his laughing to grow louder. "Sorry Lou, can't do."

Louis tried to push me off a countless number of times but I refused to get off. After about a minute I decided to give up because I was getting tired as well. Sighing I got off his waist and plopped down right next to him. He stopped laughing slowly and picked his phone off the floor. 

We were both now laying down on his matress. I was on the right of the matress which was right next to the wall. Louis was on the left end close to the floor and other half of the room. 

I snatched his phone out of his hands, "What are you listening to?" I asked putting one earbud in.

He took the other and put it in his ear as well. He shrugged, "A bit of the script."

I recognized the song as Nothing by The Script. It was a good song, I remember seeing them in concert about a year or two ago. I absolutely love their songs and was familiar with all of their music.

"You know I went to their concert like a year or two ago?" I said.

"Really? So did I!" 

We ended up finding out we went to the exact same concert in the exact same arena. Of course we didn't know each other back then but it was still a cool coincidence. 

"That's weird how we were so close to meeting each other but yet so far..." Louis whispered.

I nodded as I let The Script's music play in my ears. It was actually quite weird, we both didn't know each other yet we were at the same concert. Now we know each other and it's a bit cool at the same time. 

As the song slowly started to fade so did my conscious from the world. My eye lids slowly fell as did my breathing as I fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So yes another update in such a short amount of time! Well I didn't want to only have one chapter up, usually I only start stories if there's a few chapters not just one! So the first few chapters will be coming out quickly then it will start to be like one a week! Anyways I thought this was a cute chapter. Well let me hear your thoughts on it by leaving a comment down below! Please be honest and truthful about it but overall just please leave a comment. 
> 
> I haven't received feedback yet but it's only the second chapter! Thanks for reading, enjoy! xo
> 
> -a

Harry's POV

I woke up to the smell of toast and eggs. By instict I tried to stretch my limbs however I couldn't. I was stuck, and confused. I immidiately opened my eyes and realized I was tangled with Louis. I tried to remember how I got here last night. Realization hit when I remembered falling asleep listening to music with him. I must've not woken up and gone back to my bunk.

Louis' arms were wrapped around my upper body. His grip was very tight, as his head rested above my head I could feel his breath blowing a few lose curls on the top of my head. My head was buried in his neck and my arms were also around him.

I would normally find this awkward but I can't help but find this normal. Now that I was awake I wanted to get out of bed but it was kind of a struggle considered Louis and I were tangled. If one of the other mates or contestants saw us, they could get the wrong impression. As long as we knew the truth though it was alright. 

I guess I found Louis comfortable and a sense of security. I've been a bit homesick but being around these mates and Louis has helped me feel better and coped. 

The smell coming from downstairs began to make my stomach rumble in anticipation. Now that I have the idea of food in my head I lifted Louis arm from around my shoulders and neck and placed it gently on the bed. His other arm was underneath my waist so I carefully rose up from the bed. 

I peered back at him. He looked peaceful in his sleep, so I decided not to wake him. I was still wearing the same clothes as last night so I quickly changed in the room. It seemed like we were the only ones still in our bedroom. 

Niall, Liam, and Zayn must've already woken up. I walked out in clean sweatpants and a random t shirt I found on the ground. I'm not sure who's it was though but I know it wasn't mine. We kind of share clothes sometimes, I just pick up what I want and find whatever laying around considering our room looks like a bomb hit it mainly because of Louis.

Opening the door slowly making sure not to wake Louis I walked out. I skipped down the stairs and saw all the contestants roaming about the house. I walked directly to the kitchen to find Zayn and Liam at the table eating. 

"Hello boys." I greeted walking over to the table to join them.

The good thing about living here was we had chefs that brought us meals throughout the day and we have snacks packed in the kitchen. There was a few other contestants at the table as well. I sat next to Zayn because there was an empty seat there with a clean plate.

"Hey Harry" Zayn said.

Liam chuckled, "How did you sleep?" 

I shrugged, "Just fine how about you?" I asked.

He smirked and said, "Alone and comfy." 

I realized he was referring to Louis and I sleeping together. Not like sleeping together in a sexual way but honestly sleeping together in the same bed. 

"That's great for you!" I said trying to avoid the conversation destined to emerge.

I filled my plate with eggs and bacon, and poured myself a glass of orange juice. I began to eat off my plate as Zayn changed the conversation thankfully. 

"Are you guys nervous for tonight?" Zayn asked sitting nervously.

I nodded, "I'm terrified to be honest but we should practive more before tonight." I suggested.

"Oh we will practice until the very last second." Liam urged.

I chuckled, "Zayn you seem so tense lighten up and eat." I said patting his shoulder.

He shrugged, "It's hard for me to eat when I'm so nervous." 

"Aw Zayn!" I said in a girly voice, "It'll be okay, relax. Just eat and try and forget about it until rehearsal." 

He nodded and ate a piece of bacon. I continued eating and watched everything going on around the house. There was many people roaming around the house considering there were 16 different acts occupying it, including us. 

"Where's Niall?" I asked just realizing he wasn't here.

"His mum called so he stepped outside to talk to her." Liam said.

I nodded sipping my orange juice, "Where's Louis?" Liam continued raising his eyebrows.

"Asleep." I shortly replied.

"Nah I'm awake." Louis said rubbing his eyes and walking inside the kitchen. 

He took a seat across from me and filled his plate.

"How'd you sleep?" Zayn asked. 

I almost grumbled because obviously they want to embarass us. 

"Great." Louis said eating a forkful of eggs. 

Liam smirked but said nothing. While Louis just furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He looked at me and gave me a face as he was asking me what Liam was smirking about. I just shrugged my shoulders and continued to eat.

**

I was sat in a chair being prepared for the live show. My nervousness increased with each second that passed. Seeing everyone speeding around backstage made me jittery. Many notes could be heard from the contestants as they added last minute preparations to their performances. I squeezed onto the arms of the chair I sat in. The make up artist was currently adding a bit of face make up. I had no idea what they were doing but I just let them do it.

They left my hair alone, and just covered a few blemishes on my face. I thought we were going to be given clothes to wear during our perfomance like the other contestants. I guess we werent and we were just going to be wearing what we came in. I didn't really mind considering my outfit was okay. I had a leather black jacket which was okay enough. It wasn't even my jacket, it might be Zayn's. 

"You're done, and free to go." The lady who was working on my make up said.

I smiled, "Thank you." I stood up and quickly scanned the room for any of my bandmates. My nerves were beginning to get the best of me.

I walked around a bit dodging a few crew workers. I spotted Niall and Zayn a few feet away. I walked up to them and saw them talking. 

"Hey boys." I said with a bit of shakiness evident in my voice.

"Nervous?" Niall asked.

I nodded letting out a deep breath, "Oh yeah, how are you guys holding up?" I asked rubbing my hands together.

Zayn shrugged, "Simon said once we get this close to performing not to over rehearse. He said just stop thinking about it, go on stage and just do it. Don't over think it." 

I nodded, that's one way of looking at it. "Where's the rest of the boys?" I asked scanning the room.

"I think they're still getting their make up done." Niall said.

As Niall said that I saw Louis walking up to us with a water bottle in his hands. 

"Hiya boys!" He greeted slapping Niall on the back.

He seemed cheerful, laidback. He acted as if we weren't just about to perform in a bunch of viewers from around the country who determine our future career. 

"How are you so relaxed?" I asked surprised.

He chuckled, "Relax Haz, we'll be fine." He said putting a hand on my shoulder.

I tried to smile but I couldn't, nerves were extremely high at this point. Louis must've noticed it didn't really helped. He squeezed my shoulder and shoved the water bottle in my hands,

"Here drink this and stop thinking about it." 

I nodded and let the water run down my throat. 

"Boys!" Liam called running up to us.

We all turned our heads as he motioned us to follow him, "They need us to get ready, we're up in 15 minutes!" 

I let out a shaky breath and followed Liam. 

We were currently on the stage waiting for the host to announce us and open the stage doors. I was standing in between Liam and Zayn as I gripped my microphone tightly. I heard the screams from the audience which only made my nerves even higher. I took a few deep breaths and tried to forget that I was about to perform like Zayn said. Just feel the song and let it come to me. Let's all hope this works out.

I felt someone grab my shoulder and give it a little squeeze. I looked at who did it and saw Louis smiling at me and he gave me a thumbs up. I smiled at him and before I could respond the music began to play and the stage doors opened revealing the performance that can make us or break us.

**  
Dear Journal, 

It's been a while since I wrote in you. Like a long while. 

So last time I wrote in you I was what, in the middle of the live shows? Yep, a long time. Well the X Factor is over and we came in third place. I couldn't ask for anything better, we got farther than we could've ever hoped for.

As for the band we are still together. There was rumors going around that we were going to split up if we failed but honestly we didn't fail. That was just the beginning of us and where it started. Currently I'm in the studio with the boys recording our next big single. We hope everyone will like it. It's called What Makes You Beautiful, it's a great pop song but I said the title was too long. Oh well...

I'm so glad that I didn't continue on trying to be a solo artist. Now that I'm with the lads, it's impossible to see me in a solo career. Louis and I moved in together just because we wanted to. All the boys and I lived in the same complex just different apartments. Louis and I lived in the same apartment while the others lived by themselves in the same community. We could walk to each other's houses if we wanted.

I'm not sure why Louis and I moved in together, it just kinda happened. Anyways better go, the recording session's over soon and I don't want anyone watching me write in this, it's a bit awkward. Byeeee xx

-Harry

 

I felt the sofa I was sitting on shift a bit when I realized Louis plopped himself down next to me sipping a bottle of water.

"Watcha got there Haz?" Louis asked looking at my journal.

My face got red as I stammered, "Er nothing, um nothing." I said shoving the book behind my back. "Um how did recording go?" I was urgent trying to change the subject.

Louis rose his eyebrows in confusion but let it go, "Good? Anyways wanna go out for lunch I'm starving!" He groaned.

I chuckled, "Yeah of course, are the other boys gonna go?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Not sure, would you like me to ask?" 

"Whatever you want Boo." I said pulling out my phone.

I went on twitter and scrolled down my timeline. We didn't have many fans yet but we were hoping we could change that as our new album gets released. We did have a few fans from the X Factor which is just great because when they talk about us, we spread even to more people. That increases our fame which is our goal. We want to make it huge in the world. 

Louis and I walked out of the studio as it was just going to be him and I for lunch. We walked down to the diner that we visit often because it's quite a small and cute diner and it's relatively close to where we live. We walked there considering how close it actually was.

I opened the door to the diner and heard the bell chime as the door opened. I held it open for Louis as we walked in and seated ourselves like we were supposed to. We quickly ordered hamburgers and french fries. (AN: or chips however you'd like to say it.) We usually always ordered that for some reason, they had really good hamburgers here.

While we ate our food we joked around as usual and did stupid things. 

"Would you rather lick in a hobo's bum hole or walk around town in the nude?" Louis questioned.

"Ew Lou, how do you think of these? I would never do any of those!" I groaned.

He squinted at me, "You have to choose, choose!" Louis persisted.

"No!" I defended.

"Choose one Haz!" Louis urged.

"No I refuse sorry, you aren't forcing me." 

He huffed, "I will put a french fry in your drink." He warned.

"This is peer pressure!" I whined.

"Say it, say one of them!" Louis demanded.

"You're such a dramatic child, how are you the older one?" I mumbled.

Without warning Louis grabbed a fry from my plate and dropped it in my water. I groaned as Louis laughed happily.

"Really? Does that satisfy you? Do you feel satisfied now?" I questioned sarcastically.

He laughed nodding, "Yes I do actually."

We paid for our food and left a decent tip. We walked back to our flat and it was quiet considering we just got home. I took off my shoes at the door and walked up to my room. I hated going outside sometimes compared to staying inside. I think it's way more comfier to stay inside because you can wear whatever you wanted. As for me that means walking around in my boxers. I would get weird stares if I did that outside.

I took off my shirt and jeans and threw them in the laundry basket. Louis and the rest of the boys were used to my stripping off into just my boxers. They kind of got used to it the first week when we were on the X Factor. 

"Hey Haz?!" Louis called from downstairs.

"One sec!!" I yelled back. 

I ran to put my phone in the charger and raced downstairs to see what Louis wanted. I walked into the living room to see him laying on the couch flicking through the television.

"Wanna watcha movie?" He asked sensing my precense. 

"Sure, what movie?" I said climbing over the couch and landing on the cushions next to Louis.

"What are you doing?" Louis asked looking at me.

What? "Excuse me?" I asked confused.

He pushed me off the couch and I landed on the floor with a thud. A small pain went through my elbow as it made impact with the hardwood floors, "Ow! What was that for?" I asked standing up.

"Go make some popcorn or something duh!" Louis shooed me away into the kitchen.

He always made me do the cooking because he can't cook and I can. But since I can cook he makes me cook everything, even the simplest things to make. Like a sandwhich or something as simple as putting popcorn in the microwave. He can do those things, but since I can cook more complex things as well he makes me do the hard cooking and the easiest of preparing food.

Sighing I walked into the kitchen and searched for the popcorn. We were lucky because there was only one packet left. There was only one left because we have a lot of movie nights. Plus when we have the rest of the boys over for movie nights, it requires a lot more popcorn.

I popped the popcorn into one bowl in about four minutes walking back munching on a few. I sat down next to Louis and handed him the bowl as he ate a few.

"Now can I ask what we're watching?" I asked.

He smirked, "Not until you grab us a blanket." Louis commanded.

"Yes mother." I joked getting up from the couch.

"Thanks Haz!" Louis said.

"Yeah yeah yeah," I waved him off and ran up to Louis' room and grabbed his comforter from his bed.

It might be a bit creepy but I grabbed Louis' blanket because I love how Louis smells. If I didn't fall asleep cuddling with Louis I would sleep with his blanket or pillow or something so I could smell it. I know it's really weird but I'm being truthful. I would never tell Louis that because he would get creeped out, I know I would.

I walked back into the living room and layed back on the couch and put the blanket over me.

"That's it I'm not getting up again." I huffed.

"Oh Haz can you-?" Louis began but I cut him off by glaring at him. "... turn off the light?" Louis finished quieter.

He gave me a small smile and how could I say no to that? I reached over and shut off the light, letting the only light come from the television. 

The movie began to play and I recognized the movie as Perks of Being a Wallflower. This would be Lou and I's second time watching it, and I can't complain. The first time I watched this movie I balled like a little girl and so did Louis. We both agreed never to speak of us crying to anyone else because we were embarssed. I wouldn't tell anyone even he didn't have anything against me.

Halfway through the movie the popcorn was almost gone. I hadn't even realized that it was almost gone until Louis spoke,

"Hey Haz, can you go make more popcorn it's almost all gone." Louis asked.

"Sorry Lou, it was the last packet left." I said taking another handful and tossing them into my mouth.

"Last one?!" Louis gasped.

I nodded trying to get back to the movie. I tried to ignore him but he kept complaining,

"Be quiet Lou one of the best parts are coming up." I said taking another handful of popcorn.

"STOP EATING IT ALL!" Louis yelled snatching the bowl.

I turned to see him trying to stuff all of the rest of it into his mouth. What a pig.

"Louis!" I whined, "Share!" 

He didn't respond and his only action was shoving his whole face in the bowl. Sighing I moved closer to him and reached for the bowl. I grabbed it and tried to take it away from him but his grip was too strong. I tugged harder as he tugged as well. All the sudden I felt the pressure of Louis tugging on it dissapear. I fell backwards on the couch and the bowl of popcorn went everywhere. On the floor, on the couch, in the couch, under the couch, and over us as well.

"Look what you've done! It's all gone now!" I whined.

He smirked, "Not entirely." He said taking a popcorn out of my curls and popping it into his mouth.

I glared at him as he took another from my hair and ate it. He stopped eating and layed back down the couch taking the covers and putting it over himself. 

"Hey don't take all the blanket!" I whined once again.

"Cmon Haz, there's enough room for you!" Louis opened his arms.

I smiled and quickly crawled over to Lou. I cuddled into Louis arms as we finished watching the movie. Throughout the movie I felt Louis playing with my hair and then I heard him chewing. I figured out he was eating the popcorn that was in my hair. 

After a while he finished all the popcorn and just played with my curls. Once in a while I would feel him twirl my curl around his finger, or he'd pull on a few. It was quite relaxing and it almost made me fall asleep. However right before I fell asleep I heard Louis snoring. He must've fallen asleep playing with my hair. 

Sighing contently I wrapped my arms around him in a big embrace and buried my face in his chest. I inhaled his scent that I creepily enjoyed and fell asleep in the arms of Lou for what could be the hundreth time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill, vote/comment and leave your feedback/opinions! I think this chapter is kind of cute, it may be a bit of a filler but you need to get used to Harry and Louis' relationship first before it gets more into the confusing and love feelings first! So enjoy this chapter and please leave feedback! 
> 
> -a

Harry's POV

I woke up by a chime coming from somewhere around me. I opened my eyes slowly and saw the light pouring through the window. The light was a bit blinding at first but a few seconds later I got used to it. Yawning I tried to get up but once again I was being held back. By now I'm kind of used to falling asleep with Louis and waking up to him basically hugging me like a koala. 

The thing about Louis is, when he's sleeping he will unconsciously latch onto me and hug me like I'm his pillow. I assume I kind of am his pillow now but it's quite hard to get up in the morning.

I realized the chiming that woke me up was Louis' phone going off. I heard the sound coming from Louis' pocket. He was always a heavy sleeper and I didn't want to wake him up. He looked so peaceful. The sunray came through the window and was hitting his face at an angle. The sunlight made his feathery hair look lighter in color.

Sighing I reached over into his pocket and carefully pulled out his cell phone. The caller id said it was Zayn so I assumed it was safe to answer it,

"Hello?" I asked hitting the answer button.

"Harry is that you? Where's Lou?" Zayn greeted.

I scoffed, "Good morning to you too." 

Zayn chuckled and replied with, "Sorry Harry it's just that you're answering Louis' phone..." 

I nodded, "Yeah he's asleep right now, anyway what's up?" 

"Oh, well we have an interview in four hours and Paul is gonna come pick us up so be ready by 12 okay?" Zayn informed.

I sighed heavily, "Yeah alright we'll be ready." I paused and looked at Louis, "Maybe I'll be ready." I corrected. 

That caused Zayn to laugh, "Alright well make sure he's ready too because we don't want to wait on you guys again. See you in a few bye lad!"

I smirked, "Bye Zayn." 

I hung up the phone and put it on the coffee table that was arm's length from me. I decided I should cook breakfast and then wake up Louis. If I woke him up and then made breakfast he'd be hovering over me the whole time. 

Slowly, I picked up Louis' arm from my waist and put it back on the couch softly. He stirred a bit in his sleep which caused me to pause. He eventually stopped moving as I continued to leave the living room.

I walked into the kitchen and got out our loaf of bread. I quickly took out four slices of bread and put them in the toaster. I then proceeded to crack four eggs and whisk them to make them liquidy and even. I poured the yolk into the frying pan and quickly stirred them. 

Next I took a few strips of bacon and put them on the frying pan as well. All in all my breakfast took about fifteen minutes to make which isn't too bad. I put two eggs, two pieces of toast and three strips of bacon on two seperate plates. I put them down on the table along with a glass of orange juice for Louis and I. Sighing I decided to wake up Louis.

It was quite hard to wake up Louis. He's a heavy sleeper and he never listens but it's gotten easier as time went on. 

I walked back into the living room to see Louis sleeping on the floor. I chuckled, he must've fell off the couch and onto the floor while I was making breakfast. 

"Lou." I said lightly shaking him.

No response.

"Lou..." I said a bit louder while shaking him.

I groaned, "Louis wake up!" I yelled with still no response.

Sighing, I stradled his waist and made sure that when I woke him he wasn't going anywhere. My legs got a strong grip on him and I brought my hands to his armpits. Suddenly I began to tickle him, as soon as I did he awoke.

He was squirming and giggling like a maniac which made me laugh. He tried to get up and stop me from tickling but he couldn't because I was straddling his waist which prevented him from leaving.

"S-Stop please!!! Ha-Harry!" I chuckled in response as Louis pleaded with me, "Haz! Please s-stop!" He kept laughing and giggling but we know he wasn't very happy on the inside.

Sighing, I stopped tickling him and said, "We have an interview in a few hours! Come on breakfeast is ready!" I said getting off him.

He still layed on the ground and he crossed his arms over his chest. He made a pouty face and glared at me. He was obviously still upset from me waking him up by tickling him.

"I'm sorry Boo, but you wouldn't wake up!" I defended.

He still glared at me. I sighed and offered a hand to help him. Thankfully he took my hand and heaved himself up. But instead I found myself on the ground as he tugged on my arm and let me fall.

I landed with an "oof!" and I heard Louis chuckling.

"Hey!" I said standing up and dusting myself off.

It was my turn to glare at him and he just stuck out his tongue and walked into the kitchen.

I followed him to the dining room table and sat down across from him. He began to eat right away and I soon did the same.

"I don't know why I make you food if all I get is a shove on the floor." I grumbled.

He put down his fork and said, "Aw Haz, thank you for cooking me food!" He leaned over and pinched my cheeks, "It's lovely." 

I smiled at him and we continued to eat. 

"Since when did we have an interview?" Louis asked.

I shrugged, "Beats me, Zayn called on your phone but you were asleep so I answered it for you. He was calling to let us know about the interview." 

He nodded, "Hey did you hear about the fair that's around for two weeks?" 

I shook my head no, "No, but I know about it now!" 

He chuckled, "Well depending on when we get out from the interview wanna go?" He asked shoving a forkful of eggs in his mouth.

I nodded smiling, "Of course, I love the fair! I haven't been to one in ages now that I think about it." 

"Me either, well that's a lie. I was there about a year before the X Factor but it's still quite a long time." He explained.

"Well we need to get ready, Paul will be here to pick us up soon. And if we're late again they will murder us for sure this time." I huffed.

"Alright, I'm gonna go up and shower see ya in a few." Louis said putting his plate in the sink.

I nodded finishing up my food. I thought Louis went upstairs but all the sudden I felt arms craddle me from behind. I jumped at first and almost dropped my fork but I relaxed when I realized it was just Louis. I took another bite of my bacon while Louis had his arms wrapped around my neck in a weird backwards hug sort of thing. His grip on me was light so I knew it was a hug not a chokehold. 

I wondered why Louis was randomly hugging me although I wasn't complaining.

"Anything I can do for you?" I asked lifting up my head to look at him.

He was smiling and whispered in my ear, "You're paying for our tickets to the fair."

Suddenly he ran off up the stairs. 

"NO! I COOKED YOU BREAKFAST AND WOKE YOU UP! YOU'RE PAYING!" I yelled after him.

I heard his footsteps thumping down the hallway upstairs and his chuckling fade away. I heard the bathroom door slam and chuckled to myself. I'm gonna make him pay for them. 

About two hours later Louis and I were both ready. 

I managed to take a shower, get changed into some skinny jeans, brown boots, and a t shirt, eat a snack and watch a full television show in all that time. It did take a little longer for Louis to get ready because he always got distracted. I assumed he would that's why I woke him up a couple hours early. 

Louis was in front of me as we were walking out of our flat. Being playful I snuck up behind Louis and pounced on his back. Quickly I wrapped my legs around his waist. He stumbled a bit out of the door because of all my extra weight but he quickly rebalanced. Instead of shoving me off, he secured his arms under my legs and made sure I was on.

"Hey Haz" Lou said.

I ruffled his hair as he walked us to the car. Paul opened the door for us.

"Hello boys." Paul greeted.

"Hello Paul!" Louis and I said in unison.

The rest of the boys were already in the car waiting for us. We were always picked up last because they expect us to take the longest.

I thought Louis was going to put me down so I could get in the car but instead, with me still on his back he lowered me down into the closest seat and he crushed me. 

Since I was piggyback riding and he lowered me into the seat, I was sitting with my back pressed up against the seat. I didn't let my legs go from around his waist which basically constrained him to sit in the same seat as me. 

"Hello boys!" I greeted while Louis was shifting around.

"We're surprised you made it on time." Liam said from the back of the car.

Louis chuckled, "To be honest we are kind of surprised too." 

Louis technically wasn't sitting on top of me. It was more like I was behind him pressed up against the seat while he was sitting in between my legs in front of me. My legs were still resting on his legs because I was basically still koala hugging him with my arms and legs because of the piggyback ride. 

"Are you two going to sit in your own seats?" Paul asked waiting at the door still.

"Cmon Paul you already know how stubborn they are!" Niall called all the way from the back.

Paul chuckled, "Yeah just making sure" He said as he closed the doors.

Paul walked around to the driver's side and sat in.

"Hey Paul?" I called.

"Yes?" He asked while starting the engine.

"How far is the interview?" I asked.

"About fourty minutes but it might be bit longer because of traffic." He sighed.

This caused all five of us to groan obnoxiously loud. Why did these interviews have to be so far? 

"Better buckle in then, right Haz?" Louis asked while stretching the seatbelt over him and I. 

It was a tight squeeze considering this seat was only still made for one not two, but it was still comfortable. I peered around the car and saw Zayn was already asleep leaning against Liam's shoulder. Liam was on his phone and Niall was simply peering out the window. 

I sighed because it was only two minutes and I was already bored. I was unaware of what Louis was doing considering he was sitting right in between my legs. Well actually he was more like wrapped and trapped inside my legs. 

Feeling bored I covered Louis' eyes with my hands. He obviously knew it was me. He leaned back, pressing his back and leaning all his weight against my chest. I moved my head to the right a bit more so he could rest his head on the seat as our heads were right next to each other.

"Guess who?" I whispered only loud enough so I wouldn't wake up Zayn.

But of course Louis had to be loud, "Harry!" He screamed guessing correctly.

I turned to see if Zayn woke up but to my luck I remembered how he's a heavy sleeper. I'd feel bad if I woke him up, we all know what it's like not to have enough sleep.

"Yeah!" I said cheerfully.

He grabbed both my hands off his eyes and he sighed trying to fall asleep. Subconsciously he played with both of my fingers in both of his hands. At first I was a bit uncomfortable because since he was playing with my fingers on both of my hands my arms were wrapped around his torso. Since I wanted to sleep it was a bit uncomfortable but within seconds I felt as comfortable as I ever been. He often did this when he cuddled with me at night. I know some people might find our friendship different but I guess this is how we always acted, ever since the X Factor. The boys and Paul have far gotten used to it, they don't even think about it anymore.

However I still do. I find Louis as my sense of comfort. Right now, the simple gesture, having him leaned up against me playing with my fingers was comforting. Getting even more comfortable, instead of leaning my head back against the seat, I leaned my chin onto his shoulder and rested my head against his head and neck. 

I knew the ride was going to be long, might as well sleep.

**

"Hey love birds, wake up!" I heard someone call.

I recognized it as Zayn as I fluttered open my eyes. We were used to the boys teasing us that we were in love. I knew I loved Louis but I loved the other boys too. It wasn't in the way you'd think but it sometimes could come off as "in love". But as far as I'm concerned it's not, however we were used to the boys calling us things like that. Lovers, love birds, a couple, old married couple etc. 

The rest of the boys were piling out of the car when I realized Louis was still asleep wrapped up with my legs. He was snoring obnoxiously loud and he still had his hands wrapped around mine. I could see why they would want to call us love birds.

I groaned, "Louis time for the interview." I said shaking him lightly.

He only responded with louder snoring, "For gods sake Lou, we go through this all the time! Wake up!" I shook him harder.

Of course he didn't wake up. Instead he fell off the car seat and onto the car floor. I waited for him to scream but I heard him snoring. Oh my god, he really needs to learn how to get up. I walked around him and got out of the car. Sighing I tugged at his feet, and once he was a good distance out of the car I called Paul.

"Paul!" I cried.

"Yeah?" He asked approaching me.

I pointed to Louis and complained, "Help." 

He chuckled as he grabbed Louis and put him over his shoulder. He was actually carrying Louis inside the building. He always gets his way, sighing I shut the car door and walked behind a sleeping Lou, and a guy who would never get paid enough, Paul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (AN: One more thing, I'm sorry I ended the chapter here. If you remember the next part is Harry and Louis going the fair and that would be way to long to add onto this chapter. So therefore it will be next chapter. If you want to read about that quicker make sure to vote/comment because that's what gets it up quicker! -a )


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is cute and snuggly and cute haha. So make sure to comment/vote because I'm still not receiving any feedback at all and so far I'm proud of my writing. Reminder, I never proof read before I post these chapters so sorry for ANY mistakes in ANY of these past or future chapters! Thanks for reading nuggets! :) xo
> 
> -a

Harry's POV

Finally we were done with the interview. I couldn't really pay attention throughout the interview because of how excited I was to be going to the fair. I love the atmosphere of fairs, the popcorn, the funnel cakes, the rides, the mini games, everything about it. I haven't been to a fair in ages and considering I was going with Louis suggested I would have a great time. 

The other boys weren't going to the fair with us so we were dropped back off at our flat.

Right now I was changing into appropriate clothing for the fair. I was rummaging through my drawers until I came across a hoodie. I recognized it as Louis' but I decided I'd wear it anyways. I put it on over my t shirt and zipped it up.

"Hey Harry?!" I heard Louis call.

"Yeah?" I replied stepping out of my room and walking towards his room.

I entered Louis' room to see him frantically searching his dresser.

"Have you seen my blue hoodie?" He asked while turning around.

He looked at me and I assumed the blue hoodie he was looking for was the one I was wearing. He smirked,

"I think you've seen it." Louis said approaching me.

I shrugged, "Sorry it was in my drawers, you can have it back if you want." I said apologizing while unzipping it.

He shooed me away, "Nah it's alright, it looks better on you anyways." He winked at me.

I chuckled, "Such a charmer." 

"I try!" He said while walking into his closet.

"Hurry up Lou, I want as much time as the fair as we can!" I groaned.

"Yeah yeah, hold your buttons Styles, I'm almost ready." Louis yelled.

I chuckled and walked downstairs, I decided I would just wait for Louis in the living room. I checked twitter, instagram and vine by the time Louis was actually ready to walk out of the door.

"Finally!" I exclaimed.

Louis was wearing a white nice fitting t shirt, black jeans with vans. His hair wasn't up in a quiff, instead he wore it natural with a snapback covering his hair.

"I'll drive." Lou suggested.

I nodded and we left the house. Louis did drive and we ran one red light although I was used to running red lights with Louis. He's very impatient and doesn't like to wait, luckily we didn't get pulled over.

Soon we pulled up to the fair. We could see lights and rides from a long distance away. My excitement was building up, I love going to places like this. We paid for parking and we quickly got out of the car.

"Hey Haz, put this on." Louis said while tossing me something.

I quickly caught it and saw it was one of Louis' beanies. "Why?" I asked putting it over my curly head.

"We don't want fans chasing us the whole time do we?" Louis asked although he already knew the answer.

"Wow, good job Lou. Way to think ahead!" I praised while tucking all of my curls in the beanie.

He smirked and we began to walk to the ticket booth. We decided on wrist bands instead of tickets because this way we could go on any ride as many times as we'd like.

"Can you pay?" Louis batted his eyelashes.

"No Lou, I already said you're paying." I argued.

He didn't respond he only responded with more batting of his eyelashes. I groaned, he knew he could get his way any day with me. I always give in with Louis, although Niall, Liam or Zayn can never get me to give in with them. It's only a quality Louis posses, he can get me to do anything he wants and he knows it too. It's not like I can help that cute little face.

Sighing I paid for both our tickets. He cheered and wrapped an arm around my shoulder as I gave the lady money. We got our blue wristbands and walked through the fair entrance.

"Thanks for paying Haz!" Louis cheerily exclaimed.

I sighed, "Anything for you boo" I replied.

He smiled as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders tighter. We walked past many mini games but we both knew we wanted to go on the rides first.

"Haz look!" Louis shouted as he pointed as something.

I looked in the direction of where he was pointing and as soon as I saw it my knees started to shake. He was pointing at the most terrifying roller coaster I've ever seen. It had at least eight upside loops and it went higher than the ferris wheel right next to it. I could hear the screams and the shrieks coming from the people riding it as we stood there. It was going at a massively fast pace, there was no way I'm going on that.

I began laughing nervously, "No!" I yelled.

Louis pouted, "Please Harry, stop being such a pussy!" He screamed.

"There's no way Lou, sorry! You can go on by yourself and I'll wait for you." I suggested.

"That's no fun, please!" He begged again.

This boy was so persistent sometimes that it angered me, "Cmon Lou, why this one out of all of them? I'll go on any other ride but that!" I said pointing to it.

He grabbed my arm and tried dragging me however I was a bit resistant and he didn't get very far by doing that. He huffed and stopped trying to drag me.

"Please!" He yelled.

"No." I stood my ground.

He batted his eyelashes again but I proceeded to look at the floor so I can avoid eye contact. I know that if I looked at him I would cave in.

"Please Harry!" He asked again.

"No Lou!" I shouted.

"I will..." he pondered, "I won't cuddle with you at night anymore!" He said.

He wouldn't. "Louis that isn't fair and you know it." I said.

He smirked, "Then come on the ride!" He said.

"No." I said again.

He frowned and gave me a two armed hug. That was unexpected, never the less I hugged him back. He burried his head in my chest, "Please?" He asked weakly.

I sighed long and heavily. How could I say no to that? "Fine" I groaned.

"Yes!" He cheered and dragged me to the line.

This boy always gets what he wants I swear. I can never say no to him ever. I don't think I ever not listened to him. I don't know why but it's like I never have the will power to actually say no and stick with it. I always cave in and it frustrates me. It's like when Louis begs me I have no control of my words.

Soon we boarded the ride and Louis was fist pumping in the seat right next to me. There was shrieks and cheers coming from behind us. Louis begged the man that we got front row and guess what. He got what he wanted again.

There was only people behind us and we got the whole front row to ourselves. He was whooping and cheering as the ride started off. 

He looked at me and sighed, "Cmon Haz, it'll be okay there's nothing to be scared about." He said.

"Yeah what if the whole ride collapses and we all fall to our death?" I asked.

"It's okay Harry I'm here to protect you!" He said flexing his biceps.

I chuckled and shook my head. Unexpectedly he grabbed my left hand and intertwined his fingers on his right hand in between mine. He gave it a light squeeze and smiled. I smiled back and I instantly felt better. It's weird the effects Louis has on me, I never questioned it though. He makes me feel better and he makes me feel safe with him. 

The ride took off and Louis was screaming out of pure joy and happiness however I was screaming for my life. Every time we went upside down Louis took the liberty of squeezing my hand to reassure me he was still there. It did work and I was grateful for him doing that. Everytime I got nervous he sensed it and squeezed my hand. Since he kept doing that, I wasn't very scared anymore but everytime he stopped I longed for him to do it again.

Soon we were walking off the ride and Louis was still pumped.

"See was it really that bad?" Louis said walking to the next ride.

"To be honest if you weren't holding my hand I think I would've cried." I admitted.

He chuckled and tugged me over to the ferris wheel. The line was quite long but we were talking so we kept each other occupied. Eventually we got on one of the seats and we sat down. Thankfully we didn't have to share the seat with anyone else. 

The ride began and Louis and I gasped at the view. We had the view of the whole fair from up here. There was lights shining in all directions, people screaming from rides and joy, much laughter was evident as well. 

I looked over at Louis and I saw his eyes scanning the whole view. There was a small sparkle in his eyes of adoration of the whole scene. There was lights from the rides dancing across his face as he opened in his mouth in awe. The scene was beautiful but what I was staring at was a million times more beautiful.

"Haz?" Louis snapped me out of my trance.

I began to get confused, what was I just doing? I never looked at Louis like that, what is up with me? I even had to admit that it was quite strange for me to look at Louis with such an intense focus. 

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Take a picture it'll last longer." He chuckled.

"W-What?" I asked stuttering. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks and realized I was blushing.

"Nah nevermind let's get a picture." He said.

He reached into his pocket but he couldn't seem to locate what he was looking for. 

"Haz I must've forgot my phone at home can you take a picture on your phone and send it to me?" He asked.

I nodded scrambling to take out my phone. I opened up the camera app and told Louis to scoot in. He got into the frame of the camera. I made sure to position it to where you could see much of the scenery in the background but I still got us in it as well.

Louis pressed his cheek to mine trying to fit in the picture. We smiled and I took the picture. I quickly sent it to him and locked my phone.

"Already sent it!" I said putting it away.

"Thanks Haz!" He said.

I expected Louis to scoot back to where he was sitting before he scooted in for the picture but he didn't. Maybe it was like us to stay like this. I glanced over at Louis and he was acting normal as if we sat this close all the time. The thing is, we always sat this close but why was I suddenly acting so different to it?

Why am I finding it different considering we always do stuff like this? We always hold hands, we always comfort each other, we always cuddle at night, we always take selfies with each other, but now all the sudden I'm thinking about it differently. 

My heart began to race as he leaned his head against my shoulder as the ferris wheel continued. My heart rate continued to increase at the close contact we were having. I just need to push these thoughts away, that's it. It's never happened before so why am I thinking like this now? If I ignore it, it'll soon go away.

Nodding to myself in satisfaction I sighed and just tried to enjoy it as much as I could and tried to forget about these confusing feelings I was getting.

**

Louis and I arrived home later that night. We stayed until closing and we arrived back home at two in the morning.

We went on more rides but none as intense as the rollercoast we went on. We also played some minigames. Louis won me a giant stuffed bunny rabit from one of them. I told him he could keep it but he kept telling me that he won it for me. I'd be lieing if I say it didn't make me feel special.

Louis went straight up to his room as did I. I needed to change because I was uncomfortable in these day clothing. I stripped off my hoodie, t shirt and jeans. I decided to stay in my boxers like I do most nights.

I put the stuffed bunny Louis won me on my bed as I walked down the hallway to the restroom. I took a wee and brushed my teeth as well.

Soon enough I walked back to my room and turned off the light to go to sleep. In the dark I manuevered to my phone charger and put my phone to charge.

I laughed as I saw my new background and lock screen. Louis changed it while we were eating pizza at the fair to the picture of us on the ferris wheel. I didn't complain because I actually liked it more than the one I had before. 

Sighing contently I went under the covers of my bed and turned on my side and closed my eyes to go to sleep.

Suddenly I felt arms wrap around my waist and felt breathing on my back. I jumped and screamed. I heard Louis scream and squirm and I sighed of relief when I realized it was only Louis.

"Geeze Lou! You scared the living daylights out of me!" I exclaimed.

He giggled, "Sorry." He said as I turned around on my other side to face him.

It was hard to see him because I shut off the light but I could kind of see his face from the street lights pouring through my window. He had his eyes opened slightly and I realized he already gotten out of his clothing because his torso was without a shirt.

"When did you get in here anyways?" I asked.

"You were in the bathroom." He said.

I nodded my head closing my eyes to go to sleep. I sighed and began to relax until I felt the bed shifting and I realized he snuggled up to my chest. He pulled the cover up to his chin and shut his eyes as he wrapped his arms around my chest and buried his face into my neck. My heart began to beat more intensely as I felt his breathing going down my neck. It gave me goosebumps and it was hard to get to sleep.

I never felt like this before and it was really frustrating. When Louis and I cuddled I wouldn't think anything of it but tonight for some reason I've been evaluating and analyzing everything we did together. Like holding hands today for example. Why am I suddenly reacting to this so differently? 

"Haz?" Louis whispered.

I wasn't able to look down considering my chin was resting on Louis' feathery hair. "Yeah?" I faintly replied.

"You're so tense is anything wrong?" He squeaked.

Was I really tense? I guess I was, "No it's nothing go to sleep Lou." I reassured.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" He asked.

I shook my head no. "Trust me I tell you everything boo it's okay go to sleep." I said.

I could tell he didn't buy it so to make him feel more comfortable I wrapped my arms around him and brought him closer. He immediately snuggled in closer as well, maybe I didn't do it just to reassure him, I did it for my wanting as well. His body was radiating the warmth I needed. I need to figure out why I'm feeling like this and exactly what these feelings are because right now I have no idea.

"Goodnight Lou." I whispered.

He shifted a bit "Goodnight Haz." He mumbled against my neck as he brought his fingers to my curls. He was playing and tugging with them like he always did when we cuddled.

I know what I'm feeling isn't discomfort, actually it's the complete opposite. I'm not entirely sure what these emotions are yet, but all I know is that I'm craving Louis' precense more than ever before.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's a chapter for you! Another filler type chapter sorry about that. If they're fillers I still try to make them cute despite it being an early chapter in the story. Also I'd like to take a moment to say RIP to Cory Monteith an actor I absolutely loved. I loved him and his work and I'm so upset to see him go. I'm also praying for Lea Michelle as she was going to get married to him in two weeks. My prayers also go out to the family of Talia Castellano as she passed away this morning. She was battling cancer at only 13. I'm so sorry for everyone's losses and please enjoy my chapter.
> 
> I'd like to see one vote and one comment for next update please and thank you! :) 
> 
> -a

Harry's POV

The next day was another day off, thankfully. Louis and I just stayed home and relaxed and enjoyed each other's company. Currently, we were laying down on the couch watching a movie called Tangled. It was a little kid movie and Louis begged me if we could watch it. Of course I gave in because I always do and to my surprise I actually really like it so far.

During the middle of the movie, however my phone began to ring. I sat and listened to it ring for a few seconds until Louis paused the movie. He looked over at me expectantly,

"Aren't you going to answer that?" He asked.

I sighed, "Yeah, I'm just so lazy." I groaned standing up. 

Louis chuckled as I walked passed him to get my phone. As I passed him I felt him smack my bum. I yelped but continued walking to get my phone. Louis just laughed as I approached my phone that was on the kitchen counter. I saw it was Liam.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey Harry, what's up?" Liam's voice chimed through the phone.

"Nothing, just watching a movie with Lou, what do you need?" I asked.

"Well you do remember that it's Niall's birthday next week right?" He asked.

I paused. Was it really September already? I looked at my phone's date and in fact it was September, shit how could I forget?

"Um... no?" I said unconvincingly.

Liam laughed, "Yeah I thought so. Lucky for you I remembered and how about we throw him a party or something?" Liam asked.

"Yeah what did you have in mind?" I asked.

"I'm not really sure but you worked in a bakery so you can bake the cake." Liam said.

I groaned, "Can't we just order one?" I asked.

"No this way it's more from the heart." Liam said.

"Liam personally I don't think he gives a shit, he'll eat it anyways." I said bluntly.

"Well I'll take care of the party if as long as you and Lou take care of the desserts, and make lot's of them because there will be a lot of guests." He ordered.

I groaned a bit loud to show how annoyed I was. I didn't want to bake a cake, let alone a whole dessert platter for probably fifty plus people. Now he was pushing it.

"Okay well Louis isn't helping you know that." I said reffering to how sucky a cook Louis is. 

"Fine, I was thinking a surprise party. I called just to give you a heads up, I'll see you soon bye Harry!" Liam said.

"Bye." I hung up and walked back into the living room.

Louis was laying down on the couch where I left him and playing on his phone. I plopped right next to him and he put his phone down.

"Who was it?" He asked.

"Liam." I answered.

"What did he want?" Louis asked.

"He told me I was in charge of making desserts for Niall's birthday party next week."

"BIRTHDAY? PARTY?" Louis exclaimed.

I chuckled, "Yeah I forgot too." 

"What are you going to get him?" He questioned.

"That's a good question, I'm not sure." I whispered.

He chuckled, "Neither am I..." Louis said grabbing the remote.

"Well tomorrow we can go to the mall or something?" I suggested.

"Sounds good!" Louis said unpausing the movie. 

We continued watching the movie until Louis wouldn't stop moving. He first started to move alot towards the end of the movie. He just kept shifting and wouldn't stop and it was quite annoying. Every five seconds I heard him shifting once again.

"Louis?" I asked.

He stopped moving and looked up at me. 

"Why do you keep moving so much?" I ask.

"I'm cold." He pouted.

Sighing I scooted over to him, I grabbed him and put him on my lap. I put my hands on both of his arms and rubbed up and down trying to get heat to spread around his body. I do that to myself when I'm cold; just rub my arms to get the heat back in me. Maybe if I did it to Louis he would be warm.

He leaned back into me and rested his head on my chest. After rubbing his arms for a while he said,

"Haz, you can stop rubbing my arms, you are already really warm." 

I blushed but didn't answer him although I did stop rubbing his arms. He turned around to look at my face, darn it, he probably saw my blush.

"Hey I never said it was a bad thing. Your body is just naturally really warm, I don't need you rubbing my arms." He said smiling. 

I smiled back and wrapped my arms around his waist trying to get back to the movie. Eventually Louis began to play with my hands that were resting on his tummy. After a few minutes of him playing with my fingers, I hear him chuckle lightly.

I couldn't help but laugh with him, "What?" I asked.

He grabbed one of my hands and held it up in front of him, "You have big hands." He said.

I laughed as he put up his palm up to my palm to compare the size of his hand to my hand. It really was bigger compared to his and I couldn't help but chuckle again. 

"Sorry." I mumbled.

He smiled back at me and before I put my hand back down he put his fingers in between my fingers and put our hands back on his tummy. Smiling to myself, we watched the rest of Tangled, holding hands. 

Soon the movie was over, I had to admit I really liked that movie. I was making fun of Louis for picking a little kid movie, but it was actually really enjoyable and I wouldn't mind seeing it again. I don't know if I'd admit that to Louis though, he wouldn't let it go if I did. 

I thought Louis fell asleep during the movie but I guess not considering he began to stretch on my lap. I was going to say something when I got interuppted by thunder. He jumped from the sudden noise and I chuckled while I tightened my arms around him. 

"It's okay Boo just thunder." I reassured.

He smiled and turned around in my lap. He was straddling my waist as I leaned against the couch. He began to play with my fingers once again. Every once in a while I would feel his fingertips brush against my finger, my palm, or my wrist. 

"What do you want to do now?" He asked quietly.

I heard the rain splash against the windows and the roof. I've always enjoyed the rain it was so calming and peaceful. Probably my favorite weather there is. 

I shrugged.

"Well the rain kind of limits our choices anyways." He grumbled.

I just smirked at him in return as he rose an eyebrow, "What Curly?" He asked rubbing his fingers through my curls.

He tugged at a little curl as I spoke, "Wanna go swimming in the pool?" I asked.

He snorted, "In the rain?" He questioned.

I wiggled my eyebrows, "Why not?" I asked.

He shrugged and before he could protest, I secured my arms underneath his legs and rose from the couch. Out of instict Louis quickly wrapped his arms around my neck and rested his head on my shoulder. Our chests were pressed together as I walked us upstairs.

"Why do you want to go in the pool so bad?" He asked. As he asked this I felt his lips scrape across my neck a few times and it made me shiver. I bit my lip from surpressing a moan, but why would I moan? I need to get my emotions in check because lately my body and mind have been giving me mixed signals about Louis. 

Fixing my composure I replied, "Who doesn't like to swim in the rain?" I asked like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

He just shrugged but continued to latch on. Halfway up the stairs I lost my footing and I almost tripped but I regained my balance. Louis shrieked and whispered in my ear, "Drop me and you're dead." He warned.

I just chuckled in response as I led him to his room. I placed him on his bed and turned to walk out. 

"Get changed into a bathing suit." I said as I shut the door behind him.

I walked to my room to get changed into my bathing suit as well. When I was younger I used to love to go in the rain and just swim. It was a lot more fun to swim in the rain, it was different and pretty cool if I do say so myself. 

I rummaged through my drawers and found my blue swim trunks. I don't use them often but I might as well use them now. I slipped out of my clothes and changed into my trunks. I looked in the mirror and observed myself. I looked at myself and frowned, I've always wanted a tattoo because I looked so bare. My chest and my arms are so plain and unlively, and not interesting at all. I want tattoos but I don't know what of and if I'll regret them later. Sighing I ruffled my curls and pushed them up to the side.

Walking out of my room, I knocked on Louis' door. Without waiting for a reply I walked in and saw Louis standing there with his face to the mirror. He was wearing his white swim trunks and no shirt. Subconsciously I found myself staring at his back. I let my eyes linger across his back bones and biceps, I didn't notice I was looking at them until he turned around so I was staring at his chest. He had a very tanned chest and I felt something burn inside me.

"Haz?" Louis asked.

I snapped my head up from his chest and I blushed. He just smirked knowing I was just checking him out. Luckily he didn't mention it as he grabbed a few towels.

Why am I suddenly having all these weird feelings for Louis? I've never experienced feelings like this before so I don't know exactly what they are. Lust? Want? I'm not sure, and it's quite strange because I never felt anything more for Louis. It was always out of pure messing around, but now that I'm being completely honest what changed? What has caused these confusing feelings to arise.

Stopping the internal battle with myself I took the time to reply to Louis, "Yeah?" I asked.

"You okay? You seem a bit off.." He questioned as he took a step towards me.

He seemed to be studying my face, looking for any type of emotion that would give away what I'm thinking. I looked at his blue eyes and felt myself getting lost once again. Thankfully I caught myself before I sunk into the blue ocean known as Lou's eyes and said,

"Yeah no I'm fine Lou. Let's go." I said walking out of the room. 

I heard him shuffle behind me down the stairs. I opened the patio porch and as soon as I stepped outside I got soaked from head to toe. This isn't like the rain storms I've experienced, this one was a lot more severe. I could barely hear myself think over the roaring thunder. 

I looked back to see Louis staring at me like I'm nuts. He hasn't even stepped a foot out of the house. 

"Are you okay Haz?" He chuckled.

I smiled at him through the rain. I had to blink a few times because a few rain drops got in my eye. "I'm fine Lou, just come on!" I said reaching for him.

He shook his head out of disbelief, "You're a weird one Haz." He said, but he stepped out of the house none the less.

We walked over to the edge of the pool and I dipped my toe in to check the temperature. It was freezing.

"Why does it matter? We're already soaked anyways, just hop right in!" Louis yelled over the thunder and rain splattering against objects.

I turned around to see him with his arms folded across his chest. 

"It's freezing in there!" I exclaimed.

"Well of course, it's september and you want to go out in the rain! It was your idea!" He reminded me.

Without a second thought Louis reached over to me and quickly gave me a huge shove and within seconds I was in the water. The cold water surged my whole body as I hit the bottom. Quickly I shut my eyes and kicked off the bottom of the pool only to resurface. I could hear Louis' laughter over the thunder and I rubbed my eyes. I opened them to see him laughing on the floor by the edge of the pool.

"You think that's funny?" I asked chuckling.

He nodded laughing, "Very." He got out in between a laugh.

Smirking I swam to the edge of the pool and heaved myself out. Despite the cold and my shivering body I made my way over to Louis.

"Oh no, don't you come by me." He warned putting his hands out.

I smiled at him, "Lou" I called sweetly. "Can you give me a hug?" I asked smiling nicely opening my arms wide, approaching him more.

He laughed, "Oh no Harry, you can stay over there while I go inside." He said scrambling up from the floor. 

Before he had time to run away I attacked him by wrapping my arms around his shoulders and securing him in a tight hug. He began to scream and he tried to squirm out of my hold. I began laughing as he continued on trying to escape.

"Sorry Lou." I said while edging over to the pool.

"Let go!" He yelled.

I laughed in return as we got to the edge of the pool he gasped. He looked at me with a sad face and I almost listened to him. I know if I didn't act quick, I would give in. So without a second thought I pushed Louis and I both into the pool. Before we hit the surface I heard Louis yelp and latch onto my neck.

Once again my body hit the cold waters and it felt like my body went into a paralyzed state. I opened my eyes underwater. It was a bit blurry but I could make out the picture of Louis struggling to swim to the surface. I felt a slight bit bad so I grabbed his hand so I could lead him upwards. I felt a shock go from my hand and through my arm as I grabbed onto Louis. I would've thought about it but I just assumed it was from the water's temperature. 

I tugged us to the surface and gasped for breath. Oxygen once again filled my lungs and I felt relieved. I kicked my legs around to keep me floating in the water where it was too deep for me to touch. I looked over to Louis to see him regaining his compsure while clinging onto my arm.

"You dick!" He gasped in between breaths.

I laughed as a thunder rolled once again. A few seconds later a lightning bolt flashed across the sky. Suddenly I felt pressure on my head and I went underwater. I realized Louis was dunking my head underwater. I grabbed his hands off my head and went back to the surface.

"What do you think you're doing Lou?" I asked ammused.

"It's freezing!" He yelped.

I chuckled, "I know, but that's the fun part. Chill out, you'll get used to it in like two minutes." I said.

"Fine but you're giving me a piggy back ride." He pouted as he swam over to me. 

He swam behind me and immediately wrapped his arms around my neck and his legs around my waist. I didn't have to support him considering the water did that for me already. 

For the rest of the night we joked around and just had fun like old times. Time quickly passed and soon we were both exhausted from swimming.

"Wanna go back inside?" Louis suggested.

I noticed it stopped raining we were just having too much fun to notice. 

"Sure Lou." I said walking out of the pool.

I wrapped myself around a towel dried myself best as I could. Louis walked up behind me and I turned around to hand him a towel as well. He quickly dried off and wrapped it around his shoulders.

We both went inside our flat and sat down in the kitchen. 

"Want food?" I asked.

"Yeah I'm so hungry!" He whined sticking out his bottom lip.

I walked over to him and ran my fingers through his wet hair. I felt his hair slip in between my fingers and he shut his eyes and leaned against my hand.

"What do you want to eat Boo?" I asked softly.

He shrugged, "Pizza?" He asked sweetly.

I chuckled, "Alright pizza's great." I said walking over to my phone.

I wrapped my towel around my waist and walked over to the fridge. I found the magnet that had the pizza place's number. I ordered one pizza and set the phone down on the counter.

"Hey Lou, I'm gonna take a shower before the pizza comes real quick alright?" I asked.

"Yep!" He said playing on his phone. 

Wanting to shower before the pizza guy gets here I run upstairs and shut the bathroom door behind me. Quickly I strip out of my wet swim trunks and turn on the shower. I make sure to put it on a warm temperature because I've been freezing ever since I went outside. 

I stood under the water for about two minutes just standing there thinking. 

Throughout the whole time we were swimming there was only one thing I was thinking about. It was about my confusing thoughts towards Louis.

It started like what... a few days ago? Normally I could touch Louis without feeling this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I could talk to him without getting nervous and I wouldn't over think every little action he does towards me. It's all different now and I don't know why. It's like one day I woke up and everything changed.

My biggest problem is figuring exactly what these feelings are and how to push them away. I just been trying to ignore everything. Ignore all these feelings and weird feelings of outbursts. I've been seeing Louis in a different way.

I have a feeling that I know what I am feeling but I'm too afraid to admit it to myself. I don't even want to think about it because what if it's true? 

Shaking my head I began to put some shampoo in my hair. I quickly rinsed it out and washed my body with a bar of soap. Rinsing everything off I turned off the shower and dried myself. I pulled on a pair of boxers and ran back downstairs.

I walked in to see Louis sitting on the counter. I noticed that he already had showered? How long have I been in the other bathroom? Was I really taking that long, that Louis can enter after me and finish before me? 

I noticed he was just wearing a towel around his waist. I stared at his torso and trailed my eyes along his stomach and biceps. There was still droplets from his shower lingering on his body which made me want to pounce on him right then and there. I looked up to his face and his fluffy hair was currently wet and dripping over his forehead.

I got snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of the door bell. I jumped and looked at Louis. He was smirking at me, damn it. He must've noticed I was full on checking him out.

I need to get my feelings in line, and figure out how to prevent them or push them away quick or I'm in some deep shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Remember one more and vote and one comment is all it takes for next chapter! xo


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So here is the next chapter! Thanks for your votes, can I get two votes before next update? I'm going to be working on my summer projects for this next week and I have cheer camp and my friend's birthday so I'm pretty packed. I'll try and get some writing in here and there. Please bear with me. I'll update quicker if I get votes, so please let me get your reviews! Please enjoy, and what do you think about Best Song Ever! It's really catchy xo -a

Harry's POV

Currently Louis and I were sitting on the couch located in the living room munching on the pizza we recently ordered. It was a bit embarassing how Louis caught me staring at him before the pizza delivery man rang the doorbell. However I decided I didn't want to think about that because each time I did I blushed just from the thought of it.

We were watching some talk show but I don't think either of us were really paying attention. I guess we wanted something to keep our eyes on while we ate considering we couldn't really talk. Thankfully the storm passed over and no thunder was interuppting the show. I like the rain but I had enough of water for today.

Soon we finished the whole pizza but I only realized it while I was eating my last slice.

"Hey!" Louis whined.

I took a bite out of pizza. I turned to look at him pouting, he had the empty pizza box on his lap. Oops.

"What?" I smiled asking innocently.

"You ate the last piece!" He accused pointing to the slice midway in my mouth.

I took another bite and let the saucy and cheesy taste overtake my mouth. I smiled through my munching as he gave me a sad face. Getting full anyways, I sighed and held out the rest of my pizza. Louis' eyes brightened as he reached foward and took the pizza out of my hands.

"Thanks Haz!" He said while happily munching on the rest of it.

Smiling I took out my phone and checked Twitter, and Instagram. I only really go on Instagram to post pictures, but I was following a few people I knew so sometimes I would check my feed. Twitter was what I really checked other's feeds. Sometimes I would stalk fan accounts and see what everyone is talking about.

After I checked a few sites, I stand up to head over to the kitchen. Before completely leaving the room I peer back at Louis to see the remote in his hands flickering through the channels.

Entering the kitchen I opened the fridge to find a cold drink to soothe my dry throat. Scanning the rows I couldn't find any sodas left, only water. Sighing I poured a glass of water and drank it within seconds. I put the glass in the sink and headed upstairs to change. 

I guess I would be doing some grocery shopping. Nothing overboard, just a few things is what we need.

I decided to change into some loose fitting sweat pants and a tight fitting white crew neck shirt. I knew I would be recognized but to help keep my cover for a bit longer I put a beanie over my curls. I stuffed my phone, keys and wallet into my pocket as I slipped on some random converse laying around. They might be Louis' I'm not entirely sure really.

"Hey Lou!" I called trodding down the stairs.

I heard the television blaring from the living room and then Louis spoke up, "Yeah?" 

"I'm going to run out and get a few things from the store!" I informed.

"Wait! Come here!" He yelled.

Sighing I jogged into the living room to see Louis sprawled out on the couch. He looked a little pale but maybe that was just me. 

"Can you pick up some cough drops or something?" He asked.

I rose an eyebrow, "Why?" I asked walking closer.

"I don't feel very well." He said sheepishly.

Frowning a bit I took a seat next to him and put the back of my hand to his forehead. I didn't really know what to check for but it's the thing to do I guess. It wasn't very hot so I mean what else could it be? I pulled away my hand and he coughed a little.

Frowning again I said, "Well your forehead seems normal." I shrugged.

"I know it's not my-" He stopped talking and paused for a second. Within moments he covered his nose with his elbow and sneezed.

"Bless you!" I piped up.

"Thanks, anyways yeah it might be a cold but get some cough drops and get tissues. I don't want to use some scratchy toilet paper because my nose will get all red." He said his voice a bit hoarse.

"Sorry, I hope you feel better." I said.

"Thanks Haz" He replied softly.

"Anything you need before you go?" I asked standing up.

"There is one thing." He said smirking.

"What?" I asked.

In seconds he opened his arms wide and I laughed at his outburst. I leaned over and gave him a big embrace. He squeezed me against his chest and we stayed embraced for about seven seconds until I decided to let go. I didn't want to let go, especially since I kind of liked the feeling of my heart accelerating at contact with Louis, but it was getting really late.

"Bye Lou, see you in a few!" I said walking out of the flat.

"Bye Haz!" He called.

Within two hours I was able to pick up a few snacks and drinks to fill our kitchen up with. But most importantly I got some supplies for the little sickling back home. I bought him cough drops, some cough syrup, his tissues, ice cream, some chicken soup that I can make him for a few days, a fuzzy blanket that was on sale, and a little get well balloon that was near the cash register.

I walked into our flat and set all the groceries onto the counter. Unpacking all the groceries, besides Louis' things I walked to the living room to see a sleeping Lou. He seemed so cold and small considering he was wrapped up in a little ball without a blanket or pillow. Smiling I walked over to him and sat on the edge of the couch. Not wanting to scare him I shook him lightly. He stirred a bit and soon he fluttered his eyelids open.

"Hey Lou." I whispered as he stretched, "I got you some things to make you feel better." 

He smiled tiredly and said, "What?" 

I handed him the blanket first, "Here in case you get cold." I said while searching through the bag.

He snatched it from me and quickly envolped himself in it, "Oh Haz, you know just what I wanted I was freezing!" He exclaimed shaking a little.

I smiled as I handed him a box of tissues but I had another just in case. I also gave him a few cough drops and hid the cough syrup behind me. 

"Here take only a few cough drops, I know how you eat them like candy and are gone before the day is over." I said emptying a few into his hand.

He sighed knowing I was right and he unwrapped one and popped it into his mouth. I heard the candy like cough drop hit his teeth a few times. 

"Oh and I got you a balloon!" I said happily running back to the kitchen.

"Aw did you really?!" I heard him yell from the living room.

I snatched the balloon by the string that was floating in the kitchen. I ran back into the living room with the balloon right behind me. I walked back and saw Louis' smiling as he grabbed the balloon.

"Thanks Haz you didn't have to get me this!" He said letting it float next to him.

I smiled a bit shyly and felt my face heating up, "I-I wanted to, and plus it was right near the register when I saw it." I stuttered a bit trying to cover up my soft side.

He smiled back at me with a slight smirk on his face, I had a feeling he knew that I was saying that to cover up something but for whatever reason he didn't mention it. I mentally thanked him for that though.

"Thanks Haz, I appreciate it." He said taking another cough drop.

"Anyways you won't like me for this but I got you cough syr-" I began but was cut off,

"NO! No cough syrup nope nope nope!" He yelled.

I groaned, "Lou, please it's for your throat. It will feel better by morning if you take it." 

He shook his head being stubborn, "No it tastes so gross!" He whined.

"Well that's what you get for not being able to swallow a pill the size of a pea." I teased.

He pouted and said, "That's not my fault." He mumbled.

"Anyways you need to take it." I said bringing it out from behind my back.

His eyes widened when he saw I wasn't joking. Shrugging I unpackaged the box and pulled out the bottle. It came with a measuring plastic spoon thing and it told me to fill it to the top.

"It's bubble gum flavor." I said happily as I poured the pink liquid into the spoon.

Louis backed up and headed to the opposite end of the couch taking his balloon and blanket with him.

"Get away with that stuff." He said covering himself in his blanket.

I should've gave him the blanket after I fed him the medicine. Sighing I inched towards him slowly trying not to scare him because he will run away. I saw him peak up from behind the blanket and he twitched a bit to the side. He was twitching because he was thinking about running and leaving. He did that before. 

"Cmon Lou." I said slow and low.

He shook his head and ducked back under the blanket. He curled up in a little ball and hid. He was being very childish but I couldn't help but find it adorable.

"Louis, please!" I pleaded.

"No!" He yelled from underneath the blanket.

"It'll make your throat feel better!" I insisted.

"No go away with that." He said but it was muffled a bit.

"I'll make you chicken noodle soup!" I said trying to bargain.

There was a long pause that lasted about ten seconds. I thought he wasn't going to answer me at first.

He poked his head out from the blanket a bit, "You will?" He barely whispered.

"Yes." I agreed, thank the lord I think I got him.

As soon as I thought he was going to say he will drink it he yelled, "NO!" and he hid himself back underneath.

Sighing I walked over to him and ripped off the blanket. "No!" He screaming trying to run past me. 

Thankfully I reacted quick enough and put some of my body weight on him to prevent him from leaving. 

"CMON LOU!" I yelled.

"No!" He fought.

I grabbed a hold of his face and he was squirming under my hold. I pulled on his chin trying to get him to open but he kept struggling and pulling away. Sighing I gave up and let go of him, he didn't realize at first because he kept squirming. Once he realized I stopped trying he stopped as well. He looked over his shoulder and stared at me confused.

"You aren't going to force me?" He asked in a raspy yet soft voice.

I frowned, "No but I want you to take it because I care for you Lou. I won't force you if you don't want it that bad but if you don't drink it your hurting yourself. I'm only tackling you because I want you to feel better." I said.

He swallowed and looked down at his hands, "Yeah." He whispered.

I paused waiting for him to continue.

"Fine." He said really low crawling over to where I sat on the couch.

Smiling I grabbed the spoon again and held it close to his mouth, "Just think of it like a shot okay." I said.

He smiled a small smile and said, "Okay." 

He opened his mouth a bit and I quickly poured it in his mouth before he could back away again. Soon enough it was all gone however Louis squeezed his eyes shut and gagged a bit. Thankfully it was all swallowed but he was still coughing like a maniac. I think he was over reacting though.

"There! It's all gone, good job Lou!" I said while patting him on the back.

He glared at me but then his face lightened as he said, "Now go make me some soup like you said." He smirked as I walked to the kitchen to keep my promise.

Soon enough it was really late. I looked at my phone and it said it was nearly midnight. I was on the couch with Louis, we were watching television. I looked down at my lap to see Louis' head resting in it, but he was asleep. Make that, I was watching television. I've been playing his hair and just listening to him cough and blow his nose or slurp his soup. I felt terrible for him considering I think I'm the one who got him sick. Maybe it was when we went outside in the rain?

Sighing I got up carefully from the couch and turned off the television. I craddled Louis in my arms and also made sure to get his blanket too. He apparently liked it a lot because it was blue and it was really soft. And it was really soft though.

I tried to keep him steady in my arms as best as I could. I slowly walked towards the stairs and as I did he stirred a bit but thankfully he remain asleep. I walked up the stairs and slowly went to my room. I gently placed him on one side of the bed, he didn't wake up, instead he grabbed the pillow and hugged it.

I smiled as I slipped out of my sweats and shirt and just remained in my boxers. I turned off the light and climbed into bed with Louis. I just assumed to put him in my room because we always slept together at night so maybe it was the right thing to do? Or the wrong thing? 

I pulled the blanket up to my chin and shut my eyes to try and fall asleep. Before I could fall into a slumber I heard Louis moving. I opened my eyes to two blue eyes. Louis.

"Haz?" Louis whispered.

"Mm?" I mumbled.

"I don't want to get you sick." He said.

I shrugged, "It's alright Lou, I don't care." I said.

"No I don't want you to get my germs, I'll go sleep in my room." He said starting to get up.

Without even thinking I leaned over and pulled him back down by his waist. He fell back on the bed as I pulled his back up to my chest.

"Harry, I don't want you to get sick." He whined.

"I don't care." I mumbled against his shoulder.

I honestly didn't care. If I got sick, whatever it was worth it.

He sighed heavily and gave in. I smiled as he turned around in my arms and he wrapped his arms around my torso and snuggled his face into my chest. I shut my eyes as Louis said,

"Why wouldn't you care if you got sick?" he asked.

I stopped breathing for a second and thought to myself. Why? Wouldn't I care if I got sick? Yeah I would but I'd much rather cuddle with Louis and get sick then to be healthy and not cuddle with Louis. I realized what I just thought as soon as it happened. 

What am I saying? I would never say that to his face, and why am I even thinking it? I shouldn't be thinking stuff like that, Louis is just my best friend. That's it.

But why does everytime he gets near I get all fuzzy and warm and most of all happy? Everytime I touch him my heart race quickens, and I feel like smiling. I can't help but smile when I'm around him. I've always been protective around Louis like it's my job. If someone touches him I make sure to see in what way. In a harmful way, in a playful way, or more importantly in a flirtacious way. 

Thinking about everything right now, things have been getting clearer. All of my feelings, all of my thoughts, everything. It's like I've put on glasses for the first time and the whole world makes sense and looks like it's supposed to.

The reason why I moved in with Louis and not with any of the other boys. The reason I cuddle with him everynight. The reason I feel like a tiny shock it prickling me when I touch him. The reason why I always get nervous around him. The reason I always need to smile around him. The reason I laugh at everything he does, even if it's not even a funny joke. The reason I need to protect him. The reason I need to be around him. The reason is because I'm in love with him.

I'm in love with him. I'm in love with Louis. I kept repeating it in my head. It sounded so right but so scary at the same time. It's all so clear now, I'm in love with Louis. How could I have not noticed it before? Now that I admit it to myself it's so much easier to deal with.

I've been ignoring all these thoughts and I never came clean to myself. I never told myself that I'm in love with Louis, and now that I have I just want to tell everybody.

There's only one problem. I can't.

I can't tell anybody, absolutely no one. I can't tell my mum, I can't tell the boys, I can't tell the fans, I can't tell an interviewer, and most importantly I can't tell Louis.

If I told Louis he would surely find me gross, and be weirded out. He would think everything I did to him, everything I said to him was a fake. He wouldn't accept me, he wouldn't want me, he would reject me. I wouldn't be able to hear him reject me. I'd go mad. There was no way I would tell Louis. Not in a million years. It would ruin everything. It would ruin us.

Even if it didn't ruin Louis and I, and say he loved me back. We would never be able to have a relationship. We are in a worldwide pop band, we could never come out together. Think about how everyone would react. The fans, the haters, our family, the boys, the world. My mum always wanted me to have a pretty wife one day with biological grandchildren, someone to actually call her grandchild and blood relative. And quite frankly the boys would be freaked out. No one would accept us. But the problem is, it isn't us, because Louis isn't in love with me. I'm in love with him. No one would accept me.

"Haz?" Louis spoke out breaking me from my thought. "Are you okay? You're shaking like crazy, and sweating, are you sick too?" 

I composed myself and I was in fact shaking. I controlled my breathing and shakiness and looked to Louis who seemed utterly worried.

"I-I" I tried to talk but I couldn't.

"Haz?" Louis asked nervously.

"It's okay. Everything's okay. I'm okay, get some rest so you can be okay tomorrow too. Alright?" I said trying to reassure him.

He didn't seem convinced but even he knew it was too late to argue. He sighed and nuzzled his head back against my chest.

All these small acts, all these cuddling moments, all these small exchanges of words and actions will have all the meaning in the world to me. But to Louis, it's different. He won't think twice about the things I do for him, he won't think twice about if I hold his hand, or cuddle with him at night. But for me. No me, I will overthink them, play it in my head about four thousand times and analyze every single thing that could've happened. Because I love him. And he doesn't love me in the way I want.

"Goodnight Haz I love you." He whispered falling asleep.

I sighed heavily, "I love you too." I whispered.

If only Louis knew. If only he could figure out what I just figured out a few minutes ago. If only he could realize what I just realized, maybe just maybe things would work out. But who am I kidding? I love you from Louis and I love you from me, are two completely different things. 

One has a best friend meaning, and one has all the meaning in the world to me, because those three words are my world.

I need to push these feelings away. All of them need to leave, I can't be so selfish. I need to get rid of these feelings, it's not fair to the band, to my family and to us. It's not fair and I'm being selfish. If I told Louis then I would just be being selfish and be thinking of myself. I need to think of how this affects everyone not just me.

I can't tell everyone I'm in love with him. I need to keep it to me. Better yet they need to go away. 

No matter what I think, what I feel, I need to push the feelings away. Whatever it takes, I can't destroy the band, I can't destroy our reputation, I can't destroy us.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for patiently waiting for another update. I had cheer camp all last week and I'm sore as shit. I'm so out of shape, and I'm bruised and exhausted. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's quite longish so be happy! :) I'm almost 100% done with my summer projects thank god! I should be able to update within the next week or something? I'm going to be doing a lot of school shopping for clothes because tax free weekend! 
> 
> Did you guys see Louis' little swirl haircut? He looked like Danny Zuko from Grease! It's my favorite hairstyle on Louis to be honest! I was crying!
> 
> Can I get two votes/ two reviews before next update? Pretty pretty please? That's all I ask, I'd like some feedback from you cuties. It'll honestly make my day!
> 
> -a

Harry's POV

I woke up from only a two hour sleep. Last night my mind wouldn't stop talking and reminding me every little detail of what's going wrong in my life. All those things mainly were the feelings for Louis I discovered I had all this time. At first I was confused about what those feelings actually were, however last night it all became clear. I was in love with Louis and I didn't even realize it until now.

There was a few downsides to that. One, my mom had always looked forward to grandchildren and a daughter in law. Two, the fans and management wouldn't accept us. Three, it would affect the band and not just me. Four, Louis is and never will be gay. Or bisexual, or whatever you consider me.

I don't even think I'm gay. Maybe not even bisexual considering I never thought of a boy in this way before. I guess it's just Louis, like he is an exception. I'm not really sure, all I know is that I fancy women when an overall genuine girl comes along. However, this time it wasn't a girl, it was Louis. I'm pretty sure, I don't like boys, just Louis. Which is quite weird and unusual for me because it's different. 

Last night I decided there was no other choice than to push away all these selfish feelings I've been having. These feelings came up so suddenly, so they can go away just as quick. Right?

It would be very selfish of me if I didn't at least try to push them away. It would be good for me, for the band, for the fans and management, for our family and most importantly for Louis. He doesn't need to know his best friend has been secretly in love with him. He would get weirded out and nothing would ever be the same. I can't let some stupid feelings ruin everything.

Sighing I just realized that Louis was still fast asleep next to me. I peered down at him. My right arm was underneath his neck, supporting his head. His arms were draped around my waist and his breathing was riding down my neck.

It took everything I had in me, to rip off the covers and slowly get out of bed. 

Step one of get rid of these feelings, is to stay away. Or at least try not to do anything that would make me crave him more. And this would be one of those times. 

I slipped on some long pajama pants that I found laying on the bedroom floor. I decided not to put on a shirt considering I didn't want to be too hot. I walked over to the door and opened it slowly and timidly, careful not to wake Louis.

Before I dissapeared out of the room I peered back at Louis. He was now clutching the blanket under his chin and snoring softly. I smiled to myself and just stared at him. Deciding this wasn't going to help my feelings die out, I shut the door. 

I felt tears prick at my eyes knowing that I was actually pushing myself away from him but I couldn't cry. I needed to be strong so this way we can remain best friends with no feelings hiding in the shadows.

Instead of making myself breakfast at home, I took a walk to the diner down the street. I opened the door to the diner and was hit with the smell of eggs, toast, and coffee. It was rather quiet in the small diner which I was thankful for. I didn't want to be running into any fans this early in the morning feeling quite stressed. I sat down at an empty red booth and peered at the menu. I ordered a stack on pancakes with a cup of coffee.

The meal was satisfying but quiet. Usually if I went to eat, I'd wait for Louis to wake up and I would take him with me but I couldn't this time. I needed to try and lighten up on how much time I spend with him. I know it's a bit rude and uncalled for but like I said, it's better for everyone this way.

Finishing up my meal I payed the bill and left a generous tip. Exiting the diner I heard a few shrieks and a few gasps. I looked up from my feet as I stepped outside. I saw a few young teenage girls holding their cell phones looking at me shyly. I assumed they were fans. Putting on a big boy smile to try and hide my current emotional state, I walked over to them.

"Hello!" I said cheerfully.

"Hi Harry" one of them said quite calmly.

I smiled, "How are you?" I leaned in a gave them each a hug.

There were three girls. Two of them had brown hair and the other had black hair. They all seemed around sixteen and preppy.

"We're good, can we have a picture?" the blonde asked.

"Of course!" I said leaning into the frame of the camera and smiled.

Soon enough I said I had to go back home and turned away towards the flat. It was about noon by the time I arrived and I was a bit tired and exhausted. I think it was from all the thinking that has been going through my head recently.

I dug my hand around in my pocket to finally find my key. I slipped the key into the keyhole and opened the door. Stepping inside I took off my shoes and left them by the door. As I was walking past the living room into the kitchen I noticed Louis sitting on the couch. His face seemed a bit dissapointed or upset.

"Where were you?" He demanded as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

He was currently wearing a white t shirt with black basketball shorts.

"Out for breakfast." I said simply and short.

"Without me?" He asked a bit sad and soft. He kind of pouted a bit but it wasn't forced to try and make me feel bad, he was just genuinely dissapointed.

I shrugged it off though. Louis looked a bit hurt because he was probably expecting an apology and maybe even a hug. I usually did that because I can never stand to see Louis upset in the slightest. I know this is a bit wrong but I'm trying to be a bit distant to keep my emotions in check. This was my way of dealing with my emotions. Being distant. 

"Oh..." Louis whispered.

I could tell he had a sense of what I was doing. I think he realized I was kind of being distant but I knew he was confused.

"Well want to watch a movie?" He suggested smiling a bit.

I bit my lip. I really really wanted to, I wanted to say yes. There is nothing else I'd rather do than just stay inside and cuddle while watching a movie but no. I can't, this is all apart of the plan. Instead of flat out telling him no, I decided to make a lame excuse.

"No sorry I'm a bit tired I'm going to head up to bed." I said while heading for the stairs.

Louis' smile instantly changed to a frown as he sighed heavily, "okay." He said softly.

My back was turned so Louis couldn't see my face but I was frowning. I can't believe it's me the one pushing him away but it needs to be done. I wasn't tired at all actually, I just needed an excuse. Even if I was tired there was no way I'd be able to fall asleep with everything on my mind. 

I headed up to my room and closed the door behind me. Sighing, I stripped out of my shirt and kept my pajama pants on. I grabbed my phone off the bedside table and plopped underneath the covers that were on my bed. 

I played on my phone for a bit and just scanned through social media websites. I never had my full focus on my phone anyways. As I put my phone down I heard rain dropping outside my window. I hadn't even noticed that it started to rain. Light flashed through my room followed by a thunder. Usually I enjoyed thunder storms because they made me feel safe and calm but right now I didn't like it. It made me feel more under the weather. 

I heard footsteps approaching my room and I quickly shut my eyes and pretended to be sleeping. I was breathing a bit too heavily as I heard the door to my bedroom creak open. I assumed it was Louis because who else would it be? I felt the bed dip next to me and Louis sighed.

I don't think he was laying down, just sitting on the edge of the bed. He wasn't doing anything, the room was in pure silence which kind of frightened me. I tried my best not to move and made it look like I was sleeping. I felt Louis' hands brush a few curls out of my face. I tried not to flinch because it scared me because I wasn't expecting him to touch me. 

I felt the bed shift one more time and suddenly I felt Louis' soft lips press against my forehead. My heart speed increased and as he pulled away I only wanted more. I didn't open my eyes though, I didn't react. I pretended, I hid it, I lied. I wasn't asleep, but that's what he thought I was doing.

A few seconds later I heard the door open and close. I sat up in my bed and ran my fingers through my curls. What am I going to do?

I layed in bed for about three hours and I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I hadn't even fallen asleep once and I'm bored out of my mind. I stretched out my tight limbs and rose from my bed. The storm has passed as I walked outside into the kitchen. I was starving and I needed something to eat.

I opened the fridge and peered inside but found nothing that I was in the mood for. I walked over to the pantry and found mac n cheese. Deciding I wanted that, I put a pot of water on the stove to boil.

"Haz?" I heard a soft voice call from the doorway.

I looked up from the stove and saw Lou standing there with ruffled hair, basketball shorts, a tshirt, and long socks on.

"Yeah Louis?" I asked with no hint of anything in my voice.

He looked a bit upset but I didn't ask about it.

"Are you okay?" He asked walking over to me.

I nodded and turned back to the pot of water warming up on the stove. I stared at the water in hopes it will boil quickly to break the silent tension in the room. I didn't hear Louis leave so I assumed he was behind me.

"You know a watched pot never boils." He stated.

I didn't reply as my eyes remained on the pot of water. I heard him shuffling around in the kitchen until I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. Louis' chin leaned forward to rest on my shoulder. I felt his breathing down my neck and I got that feeling again, I was trying so hard to push away.

I didn't hug him back like I always would. In fact I tensed up, I didn't want to push him away, I really didn't. But I wanted these emotions away for the better of all of us. And this is the only way I see it will work.

I could tell he was upset because I never tense under his touch. I didn't want to move away or tell him that I want him to stop touching me because then I'd be a dick and a liar. So I just tensed under his touch even though all I wanted to do was turn around, hug him back and melt in his arms. But that won't push away my feelings, that will only make them stronger.

I could sense Louis' hurt just by the way he was hugging me. I felt terrible as I unlatched his arms from around me so I could pour the pasta into the now boiling water.

"Tell me what's wrong." Louis insisted.

"Nothing is wrong." I stated shortly.

He sighed, "That's bullshit." He said getting a tad annoyed.

I didn't reply as he was losing his patience. It made me feel terrible but it was necessary.

"I thought we told each other everything." He said sounded more hurt than annoyed.

Once again I didn't open my mouth to respond. If I did, I would spill everything. I couldn't even turn around to look at him, I'd break, I'd cry. I couldn't face him. 

"Fine. If that's how you want it to be then I guess I'll just leave you alone for now." He said sounding defeated as he left the kitchen. 

As soon as he was gone I put my head in my hands and tried not to cry. I hated this, I hated it all. I hated myself for being the cause of it. Stupid Louis' pretty and soft brown hair, and stupid blue eyes, and stupid tanned body, and his stupid laugh and his stupid everything but most of all my stupid feelings.

The next day didn't go any better. I felt worse than shit to be honest. I didn't have Louis' laugh to brighten my day or his touch to lift my mood because that was the very thing I was trying so hard to avoid.

We were currenlty on our way out of an interview. I'm pretty sure the rest of the boys noticed that something was wrong. It was way too quiet for us, we normally would bounce off the walls. Louis would still try and talk to me but I would either not repsond or respond with a few worded answers. The rest of the boys picked up on our weird behavior because they kept sending me weird looks. Especially Liam but thankfully they didn't mention it.

As we were leaving Liam walked up to the side of me.

"Hey." He said.

"Hi." I replied not feeling in the mood for anything really.

"What's up?" He asked looking at me.

I didn't look back, I just shrugged, "Nothing."

"Wanna get lunch with me?" He suggested.

"Will the other boys be there?" I asked considering it.

"Nope just us." He said.

I nodded my head as I walked with Liam to his car. We drove off to a different restaurant but we told Paul before we left so this way we didn't just dissappear. I had a feeling Liam just invited me to talk about what is going on. I wouldn't blame him though, Lou and I never ignore each other. This time it's different.

We pulled into a Nandos and got seated. It didn't take us long to order our meals and drinks. However it took a while for the food to come. Liam didn't straight forward ask me about Louis and I. He actually waited until we started eating which was weird but whatever. 

As I took a bite of my chicken is when he brought it up.

"Hey Harry?" Liam asked after taking a sip of his water.

"Yeah?" 

"What's up with you and Louis?" He asked cautiously taking a bite of his food.

I saw this coming however I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell Liam the truth. I knew I could trust Liam, heck I could trust any of the boys. Maybe not Niall because when he gets drunk he tends to spur his secrets but not on purpose. And he gets drunk a lot but that's besides the point.

I just figured out what these feelings were myself, am I ready to tell someone else? The whole point of this whole ignoring Louis thing is to push away the feelings so it won't hurt the band, or Louis. But by telling Liam isn't that kind of defeating the purpose? Maybe Liam would have a better idea on how to deal with it.

"I've kind of been avoiding him." I said slowly beating around the bush.

I was still contemplating on what to tell him. Like, 'Oh hey, I kind of am in love with Louis and I just figured it out myself. But hey don't worry I'm pushing those feelings away by pushing him away so it doesn't completely ruin the band and our reputation so I got it under control.' 

However the problem with lieing to Liam is he always knows when you are lieing. It's like he has a little detector, it's kind of like his extra sense. I contemplated but decided it might be a good thing if someone knows, I can have someone to vent to, someone to go to when I needed it. If I was going to tell someone, Liam was a pretty good choice, he seems like the least judgemental.

But how do you tell your guyfriend that you might be gay? Or bi? Or louis-sexual, like is there a way to do it? Or do you just say it?

"Why have you been avoiding him exactly?" He asked not understanding.

I bit my lip deciding it would be best to tell someone. I shouldn't keep it bottled up, I'm assuming that's not healthy.

"I mean, it's not the easiest thing to say..." I mumbled feeling my cheeks heat up.

"Cmon lad, you know you can trust me right?" he reassured.

I looked at him and I saw he was genuinenly concerned. I nodded letting him know I could trust him with my secrets. Hell, I would trust him with my life, Liam is that kind of person. Which is why I should tell him. He deserves an explanation, I just hope he'll accept me like I think he is.

"Please don't tell anyone Liam." I said before I tell him.

He nodded, " 'course." He confirmed nodding.

I sucked in a deep breath. This is it, someone will know my deepest secret. This can go extremely well, or extremely horrible. I'm hoping it's the first one.

"I think I'm in love with Louis." I said calmly closing my eyes bracing for any type of cringing or shocked expression.

I didn't hear Liam say anything, all I heard was the clinking of people's silverware with their plates and low chatter. Opening one eye at a time Liam came back into focus. He had a slight smirk on his face as he stared at me in amusement.

"What? Are you going to say anything?" I pressed.

"I kind of knew that already." He said with a hint of amusement again.

I rose my eyebrow, "What do you mean you knew that already?" I asked with a bit of a annoyed tone in my voice, "How could you possibly know?" 

He shrugged, "I didn't exactly know for sure but I assumed, I mean I think everyone kind of assumes it. I don't just the way you act around each other I guess." He explained.

So does everyone already know I'm in love with Louis? How long has Liam known? Was it longer than I knew for myself because if so that's quite embarassing. The only thing I'm concerned about is if Louis already knew. He couldn't though, he would've gotten grossed out and said something.

"So you don't find me gross?" I asked timidly.

"No of course not, I mean it's not like you choose these kind of things, am I right?" He wondered.

I smiled and nodded, maybe it was a good thing to tell Liam after all.

"Yeah..." I trailed off not knowing what to say.

"Why are you ignoring him though it doesn't make sense?" He questions.

I bit my lip once again, "Because I'm trying to push away all these feelings, I don't want to be in love with him. I can't be in love with him. Think about how it will affect the band, my family too! No one should know, and I'm trying to fall out of love with him by pushing him away kinda." I said.

He chuckled, "Don't push him away, you'll make it worse for yourself and him." He explained.

I shook my head no, "No it's the only way. There's no way in hell I'm telling anyone else. It's bad enough i told you, he can't know. And if I'm not going to tell anyone then I'm not going to just keep it a secret, I need it to go away so I don't have to keep it a secret." 

He groaned, "Harry, I don't think that's very smart of you. You're just going to be hurting each other by doing this." 

"No, it will actually be a good thing. If I can push these feelings away by not being all touchy around him or laughing with him or smiling with him or not even being around him then I'm going to do it. It's the best for everyone, there's no point loving someone who doesn't even love you back." I explained hoping he would just drop it.

"How do you know he doesn't love you back?" He asked.

"Of course he loves me but he loves you too. He loves Zayn and Niall, but I mean he will never actually be in love with me like I love him." I said with a frown on my face realizing it's the truth.

Even if I didn't push away these feelings and I decided to accept it, he would never love me back. That's just it, that's another reason why these feelings need to go away as quickly as possible. Even if Liam doesn't understand.

"You don't know that for sure, he might also love you too. He acts the same way you act towards him." Liam said.

I groaned, "Liam don't even say that. Firstly it's not true and secondly you wouldn't like to see me when people get my hopes up." 

"Whatever, just don't push him away." He pleaded.

"It's for the best." I said having no intention on listening to him.

I know Liam is quite wise but I guess not this time. Because I know what's best, I'm putting these feelings to rest.

"Harry seriously, there's no point in pushing away feelings that won't back down. If you're in love, you're in love there's no 'pushing away feelings'" he said putting airquotes.

I sighed, he was right but I needed to at least try. 

"I'm going to try." I said.

He sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. He opened his mouth to argue but I stopped him.

"Don't." I instructed, "Just let me do what I need to do." I said sternly not wanting to argue any longer.

He slumped back in his chair defeated. He was quiet for a minute until he spoke up, "So how long have you been gay?" He asks.

"I don't think I'm gay though. I still fancy girls, it's only Louis. I never felt this way towards a guy before that's why it's been quite weird for me." I explained.

He chuckled, "So you're like louis-sexual?" He asked.

I nodded, "I guess you can say I'm louis-sexual." 

Hopefully not for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (AN: Remember two comments/two reviews before next update pretty pretty please? *crosses fingers* i love you. xo)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, yep I know two updates in a day! Yay be happy! So this chapter is a bit shorter than previous chapters, I'm so sorry for that! However this chapter is SO not a filler. This chapter is very important to the story, I believe. So I know you may be a bit upset with what happens but this is how I picture Louis and Harry's relationship at times considering I do ship them as a romance very hardcore. 
> 
> Also please leave reviews, I haven't been receiving feedback and it's kind of getting me down. I'll update within the week. Review, review, review please you cuties! 
> 
> -a xo

Harry's POV

I returned home from eating lunch with Liam. It was maybe a good thing I told him about what has been going on lately. About me being confused at first for my feelings towards Louis. Then I figured out I am in love with Louis. Then I proceeded to tell him all the reasons as to why I need to push these feelings away and that's by being distant. He disagrees with the last part but it's my desicion. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone and he would interfere. He said it's between him and I. I know I can trust Liam, and now I have someone I can go to whenever I'd like which is a comforting feeling right now.

I'm still pretty heartbroken considering I'm basically pushing Louis away. Well at least for now I'll be pushing him away, or until these feelings go away. I'll stop being distant once I get my dumb lovey dovey feelings put to rest.

Constantly all day Louis has been trying to get me to talk to him. It's literally saddening to do this, to see his dissapointed face when I give him one worded answers or shrugs. Sometimes I even completely ignore him. I'm such a dick, but I'd be an even bigger dick if I let my feelings win. Then the whole band would be ruined, and I couldn't have that. So this is what I need to do. Louis thinks I'm hurting him, but no, I'm actually doing this for him.

This is just a stage I'm going through and I'll get over it soon. I just hope I get over it within the next week or so because I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

I was currently laying down on the couch in the living room watching the television. I was focused on the show I was watching until I heard the door slam and heard footsteps ehcoing throughout the halls. Soon enough Louis walked through the doorway with a big smile on his face. I was curious but I wasn't going to ask.

He walked over to me and plopped himself on the space next to me. I didn't even so much as look over at him. It hurt me to do this but I had to. 

"Haz guess what day it is?" Louis asked with enthusiasm.

Ever since I started being distant Louis would get upset but then in a few hours he'd try again to get something out of me. He would be sad but then he would stop being sad and pretend everything was okay, as if I wasn't ignoring him. 

All I did in response was shrug. I could feel him getting frustrated at my lack of motivation to communicate with him. If only he knew why I was doing this, maybe he would understand but I couldn't tell him, that was the thing.

Even though I just shrugged he continued, "How could you forget? We talked about this forever Haz! Monsters University came out today!" He said happily shaking my shoulders.

Aw fuck man. 

Ever since we saw the commercials on television for Monsters University we planned to have a movie night. Louis and I were in love with pixar and disney movies, we saw almost every one that came out. We talked non stop about seeing this movie together. Just my fucking luck.

I can't say yes to Louis. There's no way I can go see this movie with him, I'm trying to push these feelings away. I can't go out to the movie theatre with Louis when I'm trying to fall out of love with him, that would only strengthen my feelings. Why did my life suck? 

But at the same time, I couldn't exactly say no to him. I didn't have the heart, he would be devasted. I would be devasted. 

I smiled sadly at him not knowing what to say or do. He looked a bit confused as to why I wasn't excited and dragging him out of the door to the theatre like I always did.

"Haz?" He asked softly.

I nodded and waited for him to continue.

"Aren't you going to say something?" He said as he bit his fingers.

I frowned slightly and let out a sigh while looking down at my hands settled in my lap. I couldn't do this. Everything was just so complicated.

If I say no; which I did not want to do at all; I would be a dick to Louis and I would be devasted because there's nothing I'd rather do than watch the movie with him. If I say yes; which I really am tempted to do; I would only strengthen the love I have for Louis which is something I can't risk. I can't fall more into love with Louis, it would ruin everything. 

I didn't have the will power to say no.

However I controlled myself and kept my mouth from saying yes.

It hurt. It really did. It hurt that he wanted to see a movie with me and I wanted to see it with him. It hurt that all he wants to do is the things we always did. He must be so confused and dissapointed, I know I am. If I told him he wouldn't understand but I can't tell him so I seem like a dick. But if staying away from Louis will help me fall out of love with Louis, I have to do it.

Louis was waiting for my answer desperately. I could see the doubt in his eyes. Without saying anything I got up from the couch and began to walk out of the room. I could literally feel his dissapointment in the atmosphere. It took everything in me not to turn around and beg him to go to the movies. I can't believe I'm the one actually declining to go with him.

I just couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. I couldn't be around him knowing I'm the one causing this constant dissapointment. As I was approaching the stairs I heard rapid footsteps approaching me. I felt a small, forceful hand on my shoulder that caused me to spin around. 

I faced a Louis. His eyes consisted of anger, dissapointment, but mostly confusion. He seemed so vulnerable but I kept my outward appearance expressionless. 

"Haz please tell me what's wrong!" He demanded.

I hung my head down in shame. I am such a coward, I couldn't even look him in the fucking eyes without feeling the burning sensation in my stomach. That sensation was mixed with guilt, and want, but mostly need and love. I stayed silent.

"Harry!" He yelled.

It stung a bit knowing he didn't call me Haz. However I wouldn't blame him. If I were him I would've punched myself twelve times in the face by now. 

I didn't reply once again. He got frustrated and shook me by the shoulders.

"Tell me what's wrong!" He yelled once more in my face.

Of course I replied with silence. That's all I ever did these past days.

"The fuck Harry?! What did I do?! TELL ME WHAT I DID WRONG!" He yelled fuming.

How could he think he ever did something wrong? I'm such a dick, he's blaming himself for all this. I'm the only one to blame here, it's all my fault and here he was blaming himself. I dug myself into deep shit.

It hurts knowing my boo hurts.

"Stay away from me." I said with so much repulsiveness it even disgusted me.

I can't fucking believe I said that to Louis. The Louis I fucking love. I love him so much and I'm here pushing him away, telling him to stay away from me. It took everything I had to look up at him.

He looked shocked. I never told him things like that. I'm always telling him to come cuddle with me, or to come sit next to me during the interview but now I'm telling him to stay away. It's better this way for all of us. It will be worth it in the end. 

His blue eyes were now some what of a grey color, they looked dull almost lifeless. A new wave of tears began to build up in his eyes. I noticed his bottom lip begin to quiver, he was about to break. And if he was about to break that means I was about to break as well. The boy I loved was standing right in front of me about to cry all because of me. 

"Ha-Haz....?" He whispered so quietly I barely even caught it.

The way he said it, he sounded so broken. He sounded vulnerable, and defeated. The confusion was evident in his voice, he had no idea what he had done. That's the problem, he's done everything. The way he smiles, the way he laughs, the way he says my name or the way he looks at me. All those little things made me fall even deeper in love with him. I need to get away. I'm the fucking one who did that to him. 

I just wanted to give him a hug, but I can't. I just wanted to say to him that it would be all right and it's not his fault, but I can't. I just wanted to tell him I'm in love with him, but I can't. I just wanted to see the movie with him, but I can't. Those are the things that I can't do.

The things I can do is fucking push him away for the sake of everyone. I can fucking break him and myself but I can't fucking give him a hug of reassurance. Because if I did, I would fall for him even more and that's not something I needed.

Without even saying anything I ran to the front door. I grabbed my jacket by the front door and slipped on some shoes and ran outside into the night air. Of course it was fucking raining but I didn't give a shit.

I needed to get away from all this. I'm such a dick.

I don't know why I'm doing this, maybe its the spur of the moment. Maybe it was the fact that I always saw Zayn getting them, but I ran to the tattoo parlor. 

I wasn't sure if I was crying of if it was the rain. Either way I felt like shit. I'm causing everyone's pain and I all I wanted to do was prevent that very thing.

I opened the door very quickly to the tattoo parlor I came to on occassion. I've come here with Zayn about three different times when he got a new tattoo. I was familiar with the proccess and I always wanted a tattoo but I just didn't know what tattoo I wanted to be my first.

Tattoos were permanent, that's the thing that scared me. I wanted to make sure that whatever I got inked on me was important to me. Something that was crucial to me. Something I knew that had meaning, it may not make sense to anyone else, but it all made sense to me.

I approached the tattoo covered man standing behind the desk.

"Hello Mr. Styles, what can I do for you?" the man greeted.

He knew me because of all the encounters I had with him when I was with Zayn. I'm grateful he didn't ask why I looked like a fucking mess. 

"I'd like to get a tattoo." I said low.

He smiled a bit, "Ah you finally decided now eh?" He chuckled.

I nodded as he lead me to a chair in the back. I sat down and felt instantly cold considering I just stepped out of the rain. The tattoo artist pulled a stool up to the chair I sat in. 

"So what were you thinking of?" He asked while putting on his gloves.

"I'd like to get two tattoos. One on my right arm saying Things I can and one on my left saying Things I can't." I explained by pointing to where I wanted them.

They were going to be located near where my elbow is but on the other side of my arm. 

"Any particular font?" He asked.

"No." I replied shortly.

"It doesn't matter on which arm one of them is right?" He asked confirming.

"No it does matter. Things I can needs to be on the right and Things I can't needs to be on the left." I corrected.

"My apologizies, I'll get started. This might hurt a bit." He said preparing everything.

"I know." 

I wanted this tattoo because my whole life revolves around everyone else being pleased. The management, the fans and my family. All my choices need to be approved first, my whole life is in the hands of a buisness. 

The things I can do are approved and demanded by management. The things I can't do are the things that feel right to me but I can't do those things. Like tell Louis I love him or be with him. I lost my mouth. I lost my words and right to say things. So I guess this is how I can express myself.

Things I can, and things I can't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (AN: Please, I'm begging on my hands and knees PLEASE review. I haven't gotten like ANY reviews at ALL and it's really bringing my confidence down. :( thank you xo )


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my babies, so here's another extra long chapter for you all. Thanks for the votes on wattpad! However on onedirectionfanfiction I haven't been getting much feedback. Can I have one review on onedfanfic.com and three reviews on wattpad? Thank you all so much and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> When do you guys start school? I start August 19th so I did back to school shopping this tax free weekend. If you went shopping let me know what you got! xo
> 
> -a

Harry's POV

I lost track of time so I don't know how long it took to get my tattoo done. It hurt just a bit but it was my first time ever getting a tattoo. Like I mentioned, I always wanted a tattoo but I wasn't sure what I wanted to get. I knew that whatever I got needed to have some meaning to me, something that affects me greatly. This tattoo does speak to me because it affects my life every day.

The man who gave me my tattoo wrapped it up in a bandage. I didn't really want to go home to the flat knowning Louis was there. My heart ached, it ached so much. It hurt worse than my tatoo. I hated myself for having these silly feelings for Louis because it's hurting me so much. I didn't like how I have to push away Louis because it's what's best. I wish I didn't have to but I need to. Everytime I ignore him I die a little inside because that isn't what I want to do. That's the complete opposite however if I didn't do it, it would hurt everyone not just me.

Sighing I decided I needed to go back home at some point. I couldn't avoid Louis forever. I walked down the dark streets of the neighborhood. The only light came from the street lamps that alligned the streets. It was a nice night outside, I hear the crickets chirping and the wind is blowing at the perfect pace. It's nice and cool but it's not too cold. If I wasn't ignoring Louis, I would definitely be forcing him on a walk with me like I sometimes did.

As I got closer to our flat I got more nervous. I knew Louis was upset, but how upset is he really? Things would be awkward at first, I know that for sure. I know how he will react, I know my Lou. I just hope he doesn't hate me forever. 

I unlocked the door to our flat and walked inside. I took off my shoes and hung my coat on the coat rack. I stood still for a few seconds trying to listen for any noise or any sign of Louis. I didn't hear anything so I proceeded to carefully walking upstairs to my room. I wasn't going to take a shower considering I just got a new tattoo.

Walking into my room and shutting the door behind me I stripped out of my clothing. Instead I put on some basketball shorts that I recognize as Louis' and a t shirt that was laying around. My feet were a bit cold so I put on some socks as well. 

I put my phone into it's charger considering it was only on twenty one percent. Before I went to sleep I decided I needed something to drink because my throat was extremely dry.

Heading down the stairs I knew that Louis was in the kitchen before I even entered. For some dumb reason I went in there anyways. 

I walked into the kitchen to find Louis watching the stove intently. He must be making himself tea or something. He must've not heard me enter the room. Instead of saying something I proceeded to walk over to the cabinet to grab a glass. The glasses clinked with other another glass and I knew Louis heard.

I turned around to find him staring at me. I couldn't read his face expression. However I could tell that he was deciding on what to do or say.

He played with his fingers before nodding his head towards me, "What's that?" He asked lowly. His voice was so raspy and quiet it just made me want to go over and hug him.

I shrugged, "Nothing." I replied.

He nodded his head in dissapointment and turned back to the stove. I assumed he wasn't going to say anything else so I proceeded to fill my cup with water. As I was going to head back up to my room, Louis stopped me.

"Harry?" He said quietly.

I turned around maybe a bit too fast and met his gaze.

"I... I don't know why you hate me." He started, "But I just wanted to say whatever I did, that I- I'm sorry. I don't like you being mad at me and to be honest I hate when we fight." His eyes shifted to his feet placed on the ground.

My eyes began to water because he truly believes he did something wrong. There's nothing more that I want other than to go up to him and hug him telling him that he did nothing and I love him. I wanted to comfort him and let him know he didn't do anything, not one thing. But I can't.

I guess he paused because he wanted me to say something. I didn't open my mouth because I know that if I did I would spill out the truth. I couldn't, I needed to stay strong and keep up with this act to get rid of my love for him.

When he realized I wasn't going to respond he continued, "I know that I must've done something bad because my Haz wouldn't ignore me. So like I said I'm so so sorry, please forgive me." He stopped.

I looked down at my feet feeling the tension. I felt a tear roll down my cheek and I quickly wiped it before he saw. My heart was literally breaking more and more as each second passed. I'm such a dick, I'm such a dick, I'm such a dick was the only thing going through my head.

"I guess you're not gonna answer me huh?" He said softly and chuckled but not out of amusement. It was more of a sad one. 

I didn't respond.

"I-I'm sorry, I guess I'll stay out of your way." He said and with that his feet shuffled out of the kitchen.

As soon as he left upstairs I dropped my glass of water on the floor and began to cry. The glass shattered all around me and I was scared to move. 

I burried my face into my hands and wept. What had I done? I pushed him away for good, I should've spoke up. I should've said something, I can't let him walk away like that. But it's too late it already happened, I can't do anything about it anymore. I'm such a dick.

Right now it all seemed hopeless. It felt as though I would never lose these feelings for Louis, the only thing I'd be losing was Louis himself. I can't give up though, I need to try. I didn't come this far to just give up. I'll still continue to ignore him because staying away from him will help me get over him. Right?

I'm not sure how long I stayed on the kitchen floor crying but it seemed like forever. No matter how much I tried I couldn't bring myself to get up from the floor. All I wanted to do was dissapear and forget about the inward battle going on in my head. 

Louis must've went to sleep because he hadn't come back down. Not even to my sobs. He probably didn't hear it, our flat is huge and our bedrooms are very far from the kitchen. He hadn't heard anything which was good. I didn't need him to come back asking me if everything was alright. Because honestly nothing was alright but knowing me I would've ignored him and walked out of the room. 

Sniffling, I looked over to the kitchen stove clock and read the time: 4:37 AM. Was it really that late? Or early if you wanted to be technical. 

I carefully lifted my lifeless body from the kitchen floor. I just now remembered the glass I dropped early that contained my water was now shattered across the whole kitchen. I decided I would clean it up later. Walking out of the kitchen careful not to step on any glass I stopped.

I can't leave that there. If Louis wakes up before me, he'll step on it because he doesn't know it's there. I grumbled, walking back into the kitchen and getting the dust pan and broom. I angrily swept up the broken glass into the dust pan. I wish I didn't care for Louis, I wish my feelings reflected how I was acting towards him. Sadly it was all an act and I cared for him more than I cared for myself and my whole family.

Finishing up my sweeping, I emptied the dust pan's contents into the trash can. I made sure it was all swept up and not one shard of glass remained. I didn't want to step on it another day, but more importantly, I didn't want Louis to.

Finally done with all my 'chores' I headed back up to my room. No matter how hard I tried to fall asleep I couldn't. I'd like to tell myself the only reason why I couldn't fall to sleep was because it was already 4 AM. However I couldn't even lie to myself, I knew that wasn't the case. Louis was on my mind.

Not just the problems I'm having with dealing with my feelings towards Louis. I was also thinking of his feathery brown hair. How sometimes Lou, our hair stylist, always knows to put the right amount of gel. She puts just enough to wear it sticks up in a quiff but it's still light, soft and fluffy. I also loved his messy bed head. It made him look adorable and snug. 

Another thing I loved was his eyes. The way they shine blue when he stares or admires something. The way they turn a grey color when he's sad or depressed. They always seem to be brighter when he steps out into the sunlight or when he wears that light blue shirt he has. 

Before I let my thoughts continue on, I stopped myself. I couldn't continue to think like this. If I'm staying away and ignoring Louis to push away my feelings for him, I couldn't think about him. It would destroy the whole purpose of staying away from him.

Groaning I turned over on my other side to check the clock once again. It was already eight in the morning. I decided now would be a good time to get up and start my day. I wasn't sure if we had anything planned for the day. I think I heard Liam or Niall mention something about it. So I was preparing myself for a long day.

Heading back downstairs I walked into the familiar kitchen and made some eggs and toast. Of course since I'm trying to ignore Louis I didn't make him some. I sat down at the table and began to eat. 

Minutes later Louis walked in. His hair was messed up from sleep and his shorts hung low on his waist. He wasn't wearing a shirt so I had to pull away my eyes before it became impossible. However before I looked away I saw Louis peer at me. He didn't say anything however I could tell he was a bit dissapointed I only made breakfast for myself.

It was kind of my unannounced job to make myself and him breakfast everyday. But since I started to ignore him, I kind of stopped. 

He sighed and walked over to the pantry. I felt terrible as he poured himself a bowl of cereal. I knew he had to make simple things like cereal considering he didn't know how to cook. Since I wasn't cooking for him, his choices were limited.

I felt terrible as he ate the bland cereal and I sat here eating warm eggs and toast. I tried not to show any emotion considering I was still pushing away these unwanted feelings. I didn't expect him to sit down and eat at the kitchen table but it still hurt a bit when he walked out of the room not saying. I'm such a hypocrite because that's what I've been doing to him. He's giving me a taste of my own medicine.

I finished my breakfast and watched television for about two hours when I got a phone call from Zayn.

"Hey Zayn what's up?" I asked.

"We have a meeting with management in about an hour. Paul's coming around to pick us up. Make sure Lou is ready too we don't wanna have to wait around again for you two." He complained.

I scoffed, "I don't think you have to worry about that this time."

I'm not sure if Zayn caught on with what I was saying but either way he didn't bring it up thankfully. "Alright see you guys in a bit." 

"Bye." 

I decided I needed to tell Louis. I was planning on telling him and then leaving. I wouldn't stay and give either of us the chance to talk. Just walk into his room, tell him, and then leave. 

I got up from the couch and headed up to Louis' room. I stopped at his door, mentally preparing myself. As I was going to turn the knob a noise stopped me. It sounded like Louis' was... crying?

I put my ear against the door and I heard light muffled sobbing coming from inside. I instantly recognized it as Louis. I frowned because I hated hearing or seeing Louis upset. I wondered what got him to cry. All I wanted was to go inside and let him know I'm there for him however I can't.

I was too scared to go inside of his room. I wouldn't be able to walk in there knowing he is crying, tell him to be ready and walk out without some kind of comfort. I needed to pretend I didn't hear him or notice he was crying. 

I knocked on his door and listened. He sniffled and cleared his throat. I felt bad because he was obviously trying to hide the fact he was crying.

"Yes?" He said softly trying to act tough.

"Zayn said Paul is coming to pick us up for a meeting with management. Be ready in a hour." I said through the door.

"Okay." He said lightly.

I didn't want to hear him cry anymore so I walked into my room and shut the door behind me. I wanted to just sit and cry knowing I couldn't comfort Lou in his time of need. I need to forget about him. 

I walked to my closet and pulled on a black t shirt, with tight fitting jeans. I also slipped on some converse, grabbed my phone and headed back downstairs. I stayed watching more television until I heard a ring from the doorbell. Assuming it was Paul and the boys I shut off the television and headed for the door. I opened it to see Paul standing there.

"Hey Paul!" I greeted walking to the van that already held Niall, Zayn and Liam.

"Hello Harry, where's Louis?" He asked.

I just shrugged ignoring him and just settled in a seat beside Zayn. 

"Hello boys." I said buckling my seatbelt.

"Hey Harry, where is Louis? Please tell me we don't have to wait forever." Niall groaned.

"I don't know where he is okay." I said a bit sassier than I should've.

It got quiet after I said that. I sighed and leaned my cheek into my palm looking out the window. We waited in silence for Louis. Eventually he stepped out. He looked a bit messy. He was wearing some jeans and a t shirt with his vans. However his hair was still a mess. His eyes were a bit bloodshot and his face was a bit red. Louis always looks like this when he cries and I really wanted to give him a hug.

I don't know if the rest of the boys noticed Louis had been crying but even if they did, they didn't say anything. Louis took a seat next to Niall as Paul got in the car and set off for Syco Records. 

It was a bit quieter in the car than usual. I always hated going to see management at Syco. The meetings were always boring and I never really payed much attention anyways. It might be about our first album coming out. We decided about a week ago it's going to be called Up All Night. Soon we will have a tour and everything.

"So what have you two been doing all day?" Zayn asked referring to me and Louis.

I mentally slapped Zayn across the face. Why would he ask that? Can't he see that we are kind of avoiding each other?

"Nothing." I said shortly, clearly not wanting to elaborate.

"Well then Mr.Grouchy, I'll ask Louis." He said turning to Louis.

"No." Louis mumbled before Zayn even had the chance.

I glanced over at Louis to see him leaning his forehead against the window and watching the buildings pass. Zayn huffed in defeat at trying to make a conversation. With the tension as thick as it is, it's almost impossible to create a conversation.

Finally we made it to Syco and we unloaded from the car. We all walked in an unorderly group up to the floor where Simon's office is. We knew he was waiting for us already. We didn't talk up on the way to the or from the elevator. 

As us five entered the office we heard Simon greet us, "Hello boys, take a seat." He said leaning back in his chair.

Simon's office had a pretty nice view. It was very light in the room considering all the natural light that peeked through.

"Hello, Hi, Hey." was said back to Simon as we all took a seat. I sat next to Niall and as awkward enough Louis was on my other side. 

It was even more awkward considering we were sitting on a couch and the space was limited. Therefore our arms were touching as well as our legs. I was completely squished up next to him. He was a bit tense also noticing the close proximity. I pretended I didn't mind but turned away as much as I can.

"So boys, how have you been?" Simon questioned taking a sip of his drink.

"We've been well." Niall said.

"Good good, well anyways I wanted to talk about your album release. So everything has been set and the official release date will be November 18th. It's in about two weeks. Up until then you will have interviews and many of the interviewers will be asking about the upcoming album. I never had trouble with you boys in interviews so I trust you will know how to answer and what to answer." Simon informed.

We all nodded as Zayn said, "Yeah I think we should be good with the interviews." 

"Great, also the album is getting some finishing touches. When we produce the final copy we will give you guys some but it should not be shared with the public before November 18th, do you understand?" He asked clarifying.

We nodded. "Good because otherwise you'll leak your first album and that wouldn't be very fun. So after the album has been out for a bit your tickets for your first tour will go on sale and you will have major rehearsals. There will be another meeting to go further into detail for that okay?" He said.

We nodded once again.

"Anything you'd like to discuss with me before I dismiss you?" He asked writing something down.

"No I think we're good." Louis said.

"Alright boys have a nice day." He dismissed.

As we were exiting the building I mentally thanked god because I didn't know how much longer I could stay in a room with Louis without going absolutely insane. Do you know how hard it was to ignore the person you loved even if you don't want to? It's extremely difficult. I cannot wait to go to our flat and lock myself in my room so I'm not forced to suffer.

Zayn ran up to me and threw his arm around my shoulder as we walked to the van. 

"Hey mate, the lads and I were going to grab something to eat. Wanna join?" He invited.

I thought about it and realized if Louis was going to be there I can't go. I can't spend more time with him because I'd constantly need to ignore him. That wasn't something I'd like to do. It hurt just thinking about it, my heart aches already.

"Is Lou gonna be there?" I asked.

"Yeah why? Does that matter?" He wondered.

"Yes, I'm not gonna go. I'll call you later alright?" I said removing his arm from around my shoulders.

"Wait Harry!" Zayn said before I left, he jogged up to me and said, "What's up with you two? We all could tell there's something wrong." 

I rolled my eyes, "Nothings wrong." I said shortly.

"Yeah there is, we're not stupid. Why are you ignoring each other?" He persisted.

"Because." I said not wanting to explain. I already told Liam I was in love with Louis. That's already one person too many, now Zayn can't know.

"Tell me why." He said insisting I tell him. "Why are you ignoring him?" He asked.

I groaned, "None of your business Zayn." I said walking faster to the parking lot.

"Cmon mate, tell me! I deserve to know we're best lads!" He said walking to keep up with me.

"No!" I was growing angry and frustrated. At this point I'd say anything to make him go away.

"Harry! Tell me!" He yelled getting annoyed too.

"BECAUSE LOUIS IS FUCKING ANNOYING AND SO ARE YOU!" I said enraged.

Suddenly I felt my body get knocked to the side by a strong force. I saw Louis angrily walking passed me and I realized he bumped into me. Fuck. He heard what I said, just my luck. This would fucking happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember three votes/reviews to get to Chapter 10! :) xo


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Fare warning, this chapter has the suckiest ending known to man kind. But I mean you have to forgive me because next chapter you are in for some real treats man! So thank you all for voting, I didn't expect to get a comment and two votes considering I usually get 0. So keep it coming for a faster update. And trust me, you'll want an update for next chapter *hint hint*. 
> 
> Did you guys hear One D's new leaked song called Just Can't Let Her Go? It's so catchy, I love it! Remember to vote for them for the teen choice awards, it's really important to them! So do it! Remember to comment/vote for a new update!
> 
> -a xo

Harry's POV

I did it again. I said something out of frustration and something I didn't mean. I watch Louis walk away from me looking very angry, he was fuming. However he also looked defeated and upset. I wanted to run after him, grab his arm and make him turn around to look at me. I wanted to tell him, I was just mad. That I didn't mean to call him 'Fucking annoying'. Now he thinks I don't want to go anywhere with him or talk to him because I think he's annoying.

Not only that but I also called Zayn annoying as well. I turned around to see how Zayn was reacting. He was standing there with his mouth slightly opened. He was shocked that I would snap like that because I never do that. It actually came as a shock to me. 

"O-okay. I'll leave you alone." Zayn said as he backed up to go with Louis.

I frowned, "Wait Zayn!" I said reaching for him.

He shook his head no and turned around to join Louis.

"I didn't mean it." I whispered looking at the floor.

Why do I always push away the people who mean the most to me? Well maybe it's a good thing Louis thinks he annoys me. Maybe he won't be around me, so I won't have to see his pretty and cute little face. I wouldn't have to hear that adorable laugh that he has, and that cute little smile. But most of all, I wouldn't have to fall deeper in love with him if that was even possible.

As for Zayn, it sucks. I still want to be on good terms with him because I obviously didn't think he was annoying. I don't know why I said he was, I guess it was just the spur of the moment. I didn't know what I was even saying, I was just... mad. 

I'll call up Zayn another day to talk this over, right now we both need some space to cool off. Groaning and pulling at my curls I walked the opposite direction of the van that brought us to Syco. I began to walk out of the parking lot to somewhere other than here.

"Harry!" I heard Niall call from behind me.

I spun around to see him jogging to me. He was out of breath by the time he reached me, "What happened back there?" Niall asked breathing heavily.

I shook my head, frustrated, "Nothing, I didn't mean what I said. Why what's wrong?" I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders, "I saw you yelling at Zayn but whatever you yelled got not only Zayn upset but Louis is literally bawling in the car." He said frowning.

I buried my face in my hands, "Why am I such a terrible person?" I asked Niall.

He put a hand on my shoulder, "You're not, people make mistakes." He paused for a second, "What did you say?" He asked timidly.

"Shit that I didn't mean. It's nothing really, I'm going for a walk, just-" I got interuppted.

"Wait you're not going to even go comfort your Lou?" He questioned astonished.

I shook my head no.

"But..." he paused not understanding, "You always do, did you not hear me? He's crying!" 

I shook my head again, "I know, I just. Not right now Ni. I'm- I'm sorry." I whimpered turning away.

I walked in the opposite direction of where Niall came from. I didn't really know where I was heading to, just away I guess. I needed space to think.

I made Louis cry. I feel like such a bad person, and such a douchebag. Great going Styles, you made the one you love cry. I can't imagine how he's feeling, but I know how I'm feeling. I don't know if I ever felt this low. Considering I unintentionally hurt him and I'm not even apologizing or showing that I care in the slightest.

Sometimes I question if this plan that I'm trying to pursue will really work. It hasn't really worked much so far, I think it only made Louis and I's relationship a bit distant. However that's what I'm supposed to be, distant.

I walked down the street kicking a rock I saw about a block back. I was so focused on the rock that I didn't even realize where I was going until I stumbled upon it. I found myself at Liam's flat which was quite weird considering I wasn't even checking where I was going.

I'm not sure why I decided to end up at Liam's house but since I was already here with no place to go, I decided to walk up to his door. I wiped my feet on the welcome mat and knocked on his door. I heard shuffling on the other side until Liam swung open the door.

He was wearing some jeans and a white t shirt and socks. "Hey mate, I just got home from Syco. What are you doing here?" He questioned kind of confused.

I shrugged, "No reason, I just ended up here. Are you busy?" I asked.

He shook his head no and opened the door wider for me to enter. When I got inside he shut the door behind me. I continued to remove my shoes and leave them at the frontdoor.

"So do you want anything to eat or drink?" He asked walking into another room.

I followed him, "Sure, I'm starving!" I said walking over to one of the stools situated at his island.

He rummaged through his cabinets, "Sorry I don't have much, I really need to go shopping man. Um..." He paused, "Want mac n cheese?" He suggested pulling out of the box.

"Sounds good" I said watching him fill a pot with water.

"So..." He said cautiously.

"What?"

"Um, what happened with you Zayn and Louis?" He asked quietly.

I groaned, "Not you too." I put my face in my hands.

"What do you mean?" He wondered.

"Niall pushed me to tell him the same thing." I whined.

"Well you did come waltzing into my house after you disappeared from making Louis cry." He argued.

"Is he okay?" I asked shooting my head up.

He shrugged, "I'm not sure. He went directly back to your flat without telling us anything. He was just crying, what did you say?" He persisted.

"Nothing." I said sternly.

"Well, it better be nothing because the boys are coming around in a few hours for a movie. So if it really was nothing, you wouldn't mind joining us now would you?" He smirked.

I suddenly became really nervous. Should I just leave and avoid Louis and Zayn? So far my tatics of avoiding Louis haven't been working out all that well. Maybe I should try a different approach. Maybe if I ignore him but I can still be around him? I know I'm just trying to convince myself so I can at least be around him.

However maybe I should just try it. If it's too much to handle, I can always leave. No big deal right? 

"Actually, I'm completely fine with that. Why wouldn't I?" I tried hiding my nervousness.

He smirked at me and gave me a knowing smile, "Alright Styles, whatever you say." 

Liam and I ate mac n cheese and drank some water with it. We lounged around the house for a bit and waited for the rest of the boys to come around. I wasn't sure what type of movie we were watching. I just hoped it wasn't a scary one. Whenever we watched a scary movie, I would always have Louis to keep me in check. He would always calm me down. Now that I can't have him with me, I don't know if I could handle it.

I was on my phone checking my twitter. I wasn't the only one who had access to my twitter, sometimes management would tweet things for us. So yes, sometimes it's not really us who are following the fans but majority of the time it is us. I feel slightly guilty but it's not like we have any control over it.

I followed a few fans and read a few of their tweets. Once I got bored I locked my phone and layed out on the couch. I stared at the ceiling fan that was spinning and I zoned out. I wasn't even thinking about anything, I was just staring, mesmerized by the ceiling fan. 

I was interuppted by a dinging of a doorbell. My head snapped up and I looked at Liam. He got up to get the front door. I sat up from the couch, mentally preparing myself for the worst. Niall, Zayn and Louis all entered the room.

"Hey Harry!" Niall piped up as he plopped down right next to me.

"Hey Niall" I said thankful that he wasn't going to ignore me.

However Zayn and Louis didn't say anything. They barely even glanced in my direction. I didn't expect much, so I wasn't surprised. At least they weren't glaring at me or yelling at me. We all got settled on the couch while Liam was putting in the movie. I could honestly feel the tension in the air, it was quite awkward.

However I felt like Niall was oblivious to the fact though. He kept throwing conversations left and right, which I was grateful for. 

"So what have you been doing?" Niall asked.

I didn't think he was speaking to me until there was a pause. After I realized no one was talking I looked up to see everyone looking at me. And by everyone I just mean Niall and Liam. Zayn was about to look at me but I saw him resist his head, however Louis didn't even attempt to. He was sitting there just looking at his hands.

I just wanted to say sorry, but if I did I know it would be harder to ignore him. If he's mad at me, he'll stay away from me so that way I don't have to ignore him. He will just ignore me, he's doing all the work for me. I'm not fully happy about that though.

"Oh um, nothing really. Just came to hang out with Liam." I said shortly.

"SHUT UP THE MOVIE IS ON!" Niall yelled throwing popcorn at me.

I rolled my eyes and chuckled, "You asked Ni." 

"SHH!" He shushed me and it all turned quiet. Besides the movie of course.

The movie was absolutely terrible. It was terrible because I had to cover my eyes almost seventy five percent of the time. Which I mean, I guess I wouldn't know if it was terrible since my eyes were being shielded, however the screams from the other boys confirmed it. 

That wasn't the worst part though, it was because Louis wasn't with me. Yeah he was in the same room, but it physically and emotionally hurt to know that he was in the same room but I couldn't sit next to him. During movie nights we would always sit together and it would feel right. We would hold hands and whenever I got nervous, Louis would be able to tell. He would squeeze my hand every time he felt me tense up. Immediately I would be comfortable and untense because he was with me. But this time it was different.

I honestly don't know how I survived the whole movie. Not to mention it was awkward with Zayn and Louis both being mad at me. I guess I would have to apologize to Zayn soon because I couldn't have both of them sending me death glares for a month.

I know I should also apologize to Lou but nope that's not going to weaken my feelings for him. Maybe if he's mad at me he will call me names or something and it would make me not like him? Oh who the fuck am I fooling, I could never not like him.

Feeling angered I shot up from the couch as soon as the film ended. I shoved my phone in my pocket and hastily put on my shoes. The boys were probably all staring at me wondering what the rush was for.

"I-I'm tired." I mumbled heading for the front door. "Bye." I said walking down the hall.

As I opened the door, I still didn't hear the boys say anything. Sighing I slammed the door behind me and headed for my flat. I didn't drive here so there was nothing other to do than walk. As I was turning the dark corner to get to my flat I heard a call behind me.

"Harry!" I was shocked to hear who it was. Zayn.

I turned around and saw him jogging to catch up to me. I stopped walking and waited for him. Was he mad at me? I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't know how to say it. Should I sounded sorry? Normal? Happy? Mad? Upset? I wasn't sure.

"Hey um, why are you going?" He asked timidly.

I shrugged, "I'm feeling out of it." I said.

He nodded slowly. I was unsure of what to say so I let it slip, "Look Zayn I'm sorry fo-"

He held up a hand to stop me, which it worked. I stopped talking and watched him as she shoved his hands in his leather jacket pockets.

"No worries, I know you're sorry but um... you might not want to apologize to me." He said.

As relieved as I felt that he wasn't upset with me, I knew what he meant.

"I can't apologize to Louis." I said.

"Why not?" He asked clearly confused and unaware.

I shook my head, "I don't really want to tell anyone but I can't, you just have to trust me on this one." I pleaded.

He did have to trust me because if he didn't. it's him at risk too. If I apologized to Louis and we made up again, I would only fall deeper in love with him and our reputation would be shattered. The band would fall apart, including Zayn. So I'm actually protecting him, us.

"I don't understand." He said.

"And I don't expect you to, I just want you to trust me that I'm doing the right thing." I said explaining.

"I really want to but I feel like it isn't." He said.

"Just, let it go. I'll deal with Louis and I's relationship." I said carefully not to upset him again.

He huffed, "Fine, just know that he's really upset about the whole thing. He literally wouldn't stop crying on the way to Liam's. It's kind of annoying actually." He complained.

"It's not any easier for me either. Just leave me to it." I said feeling the frustration beginning to shine through.

"Alright, well glad to be on good terms again." He said putting a hand on my shoulder.

I brought him in for a hug and patted his back, "Yep, I feel a bit better now." I said.

We parted ways and I headed back to my flat. The rest of the night I couldn't get Louis off my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit man I know sucky ending, just wait till you read next chapter mwuahah


	11. Chapter 11

Harry's POV

Dear Jounal.

I haven't written in this in a long time. Like a real long time. It's been exactly two months and five days since I made up with Zayn. It's been going good with him, just like old times. He understood that I didn't mean the words I said to him. However not everything is good.

I've never felt more depressed. My world has been empty, and yeah you might've already guessed it but I haven't even said a word to Louis in about two months. I feel like I'm rotting away day after day. I barely even left my room. 

Our new album Up All Night has been released and we've been to a few interviews to promote it. However my heart isn't with the music right now. It's still with Louis.

You'd think after two months of ignoring him, these feelings would go away. But no they haven't. After one month went by, I assumed I wasn't trying hard enough to ignore him. So I stay in my room most of the day unless I'm required for an interview, signing or something. 

Louis barely even looks at me and when he does it's like he isn't even looking at me. He gives me this lifeless glare and then he'll just turn around and leave. It's killing me and I don't know how much longer I can survive. I've never felt this low in my life ever, sometimes I feel like life isn't even worth it. I need to get my head straight.

-Harry

I shut my journal and rubbed my right hand because it began to ache from writing so much. I sighed, I guess it was a good thing I found my journal again. It kind of let me put my thoughts down on paper and let me relieve myself of something.

I honestly never felt more alone. I haven't left my room in three days considering we had some off days. Whenever we have time to ourselves I spend it in my room, shutting out the rest of the world. The boys have noticed my behavior, but everyone just stopped trying to get through to me.

Yeah sometimes I'll be myself, but I feel like I'll never be 'Harry' again. On very rare occasions I will leave the house to go to a movie night with the boys. The boys cherish those nights because they tell me they feel like they're losing me. I don't blame them, I feel like I lost myself. I lost my way.

I needed to shower, I haven't showered in three days either. I know, gross. It's like I stopped trying, I stopped trying to get out of bed too. I haven't left my bed. I mean I have, to go to the bathroom and get food from the kitchen. Other than that I don't leave.

How's Louis you ask? He's on good terms with the rest of the boys just like me. I think he's been home quite a lot as well. I wouldn't really know, considering I don't leave my room. I'm not actually sure if Louis is home and in his room as much as me. I know I'm in my room more however I've come to realize that Louis is home almost as much as me. I'm not sure for what reasons, but we don't talk. At all. I haven't even said a word to him in over a month. It's been complete torture, which is why I hide myself in here.

Now that I think about it, the last time I actually saw Louis in the flesh was exactly six days ago on a trip to the bathroom. 

Sighing, I decided I needed some dinner or something. I was absolutely starving. Getting up I passed my mirror on the way out of my room. My hair was disheveled, it looked exactly like sex hair. My curls were sticking up in many directions. I was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. The sweatpants hung very low on my hips, in fact so low you could see some skin and my boxer waistband. 

I opened my door and walked down the hallway. I tried to be as quiet as I could, I didn't want to see Louis or I'd surely break. I continued down the hall and observed pictures and awards we had hung. 

I approached the stairs and since I was admiring the pictures I didn't even realize I bumped into someone until I heard the "oof."

I looked up and who else could it be? Of course Louis.

I stopped breathing and I swear if it was possible, my heart stopped beating as well. He looked as horrible as me. Well he's still beautiful in every way however he was as untidy as me you could say. It was evident with the bags under his eyes. They weren't even blue anymore, they were gray.

He was wearing a tshirt and basketball shorts with his long black socks as well. He was holding a bowl of cereal as he looked up at me considering he was shorter than I.

Seeing him now made me want to hug him and kiss him on the lips right then and there. I wanted to tell him that I'm not okay without him and I'm incomplete but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I couldn't speak, it was as if I was unable to control my own body. Tears began to prick at my eyes, not seeing Louis for six days and not saying a word to him for over a month made me upset.

I pushed past him and fled down the stairs and out the door of the house. I let my tears run freely down my cheeks as I ran down the sidewalk to the closest friend of mine. Liam.

He already knew the reasons of why I was acting the way I was. I told him over lunch at Nandos for my feelings for Louis. So he was literally the only person I could go to right now, it doesn't really matter though. He would probably be my first choice anyways.

It was hard to see my way through my tearblocked eyes. I sniffled and was hiccuping the whole run there. I ran up his doorstep and was thankful that the porch light was on. It was flickering slightly as mosquitos swarmed around the small light. I pounded on the door anxiously, still crying.

As soon as I heard the click of the doorknob I pushed open his door and pulled him in for a hug. He fell back a bit but soon regained his posture, he was a bit tense at first but after he realized it was me he wrapped his arms around me. Liam's hugs were never as good as the hugs Louis gives, but it should be enough for now.

I sobbed into his shoulders and he just held me rubbing my back up and down. After about two minutes he stepped out of my embrace and shut the door. 

"Cmon Harry." He said grabbing me by the elbow and sitting me down on the couch.

I sobbed into his shoulder was again, "Harry what's wrong?" He whispered.

I hiccuped and said, "Louis, I can't do it anymore." I managed to get out.

He sighed, "Harry you guys haven't talked in forever." He said pointing out the obvious.

I looked up at him with red swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks, "DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT? I THINK ABOUT HIM EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF THE DAY! I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE LIAM, I'M LITERALLY DYING EVERY DAY A LITTLE BIT MORE INSIDE. I WANT TO GO UP TO HIM AND PRETEND EVERYTHING WAS BACK LIKE IT WAS BEFORE. WHERE I CAN LOOK AT HIM WITHOUT GETTING A GLARE BACK. I SAW HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SIX DAYS AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I JUST CAN'T...." I paused and sniffled, "I-I can't." I sobbed back into his shoulder.

I felt him rub my back soothingly as he chanted, "Shh... Shh.."

I think he let me cry on his shoulder for about ten minutes before he actually tried to give me advice. "You should tell him." He said.

I looked up at him like he was crazy, "Li, I can't! You know that!" I exclaimed.

"And why not?" He asked.

"B-because, if I tell him he won't even like me back. He will never talk to me again, the band will fall apart, my family will hate me and everything will go wrong!" I sobbed.

"Is that why you're so scared?" He asked.

I nodded into his shoulder.

"Harry." He said sternly. He made me look up at him and grabbed my shoulders, "You won't know until you tell him. You can't assume he doesn't like you. The band won't fall apart, we will support your feelings no matter what, we love you Harry. Your family could never, ever hate you. They are your family, they love you, they will have your back through this. You need to tell him." He encouraged.

"I'm scared." I whispered, "It will destroy us." 

"Harry, can't you see that by ignoring him is also destroying you both? You're here with me, crying on my shoulder because you are ignoring him. If this isn't being destroyed then I don't want to see what is. This is killing your relationship with him, you're both miserable. You guys never leave your rooms, you guys sit in your house all day sulking. You need to be honest." He urged.

He did make sense. By ignoring him, I was destroying us. That was exactly the opposite of what I wanted. I ignored him because I wanted to push away my feelings for him so I wouldn't have to destroy us. Now I'm destroying us.

I cried even hareder knowing I caused this, "I'm such a fuck up." I wailed.

"No you're not, you were trying to do what's best. You need to fix it and tell him." He tried to convince me.

"I'm n-not ready." I said.

Telling Louis scared me. This is my biggest secret and once those words leave my mouth, there's no taking them back. Whatever happens would happen, there's not a rewind button, it would be permanent. I wasn't ready for that leap yet. I couldn't go from ignoring him, to telling him the truth. I want to wait until the time is right.

"Well..." he paused searching for advice, "It's not like you have to confess your undying love for him right now, you can take your time. Just at least get on good terms again, go back to how you were, and when you feel like everything is right again, tell him. Do it at your own pace. And when you do, the boys, your family, and I all have your back." He said strongly.

I hugged him even tighter, "You always know what to do." I said slightly smiling.

He chuckled, "Well are you going to do what I said?" He asked.

I nodded, it seemed like was best. I was killing our relationship as we speak, I think it's about time we go back to how we were. I'll tell him in time, but not right now. Right now, I needed my Louis back, whether it was in a romantical way or friendly way. I just needed him.

I sniffled and rubbed the remaining tears out of my eyes, "Liam thank you." I said looking into his brown eyes.

He smiled at me and nodded his head, "Anything for you mate, go talk to him." He pushed.

I stood up from the couch and ran out of Liam's house. Now that I had a change of plans, I couldn't wait to set them into place. I already decided, I was going to get on best friend terms again with Louis. I'll have him back. Maybe not in the way I want him the most, but it will do.

The closer I got back to our flat, the faster my heart rate increased. Our flat came into view, I reached for the doorknob and slowly entered the flat. I was walking slow, observing our home to find him. Realizing how eager I was to apologize, I began rushing around the house.

I checked the kitchen, the bathroom, the living room and I'm not sure why I checked those places first. Obviously the only place he would be is his room. I ran up to his bedroom and I was too excited to knock.

I burst open the door to see Louis with tear stained cheeks sitting criss cross on his bed. He looked so small on his bed considering he was actually quite small. His eyes widened when he saw I actually came in his room.

I haven't actually said a word to him in about two months, of course. We're both in shock but right now I need to apologize.

He observed my every move as I shut the door softly behind me and I approached his bed and sat down on the edge. Now being in his room, with him made me completely nervous. I began to shake and shiver with anticipation as I fiddled with my thumbs.

"L-Lou, look. I'm sorry for- for everything I did. I know you can't forgive me, I'm sorry for ignoring you, for treating you like shit and not explaining everything. It hurt me so much and I can't stand to stay like this anymore. I'm so so so sorry-" my voice cracked but I knew I had to continue, "I am sorry for everything I've put you through and I'm a dickhead and the worst best friend in the whole world. I went through so much and I miss you so much. I've never been so alone in my whole life to know I can't be with you, it's killing me. I can't even think straight, I just miss you and I hope you'll forgive me. I know you probably won't, I don't blame you I just- Please." I choked out my voice getting hoarse. 

I couldn't even bring myself to look up at him however that wasn't a problem. As soon as those last few words left my mouth I felt myself flying backwards and hitting the bed frame as Louis squished me in a hug. I heard him sobbing into my shoulder. I automatically wrapped my arms around his waist as his arms tightened around my neck. He was sobbing hysterically which made me begin to cry as well.

Everything that I have been missing for more than two months makes up for this moment. Right now I have Louis and that's all I'll ever need.

"D-don't ever ever do that again, you d-dick head!" He sobbed into my shoulder.

"I'm so so-" I choked on my own sobs, "so sorry." 

He wrapped his arms around me tighter and nuzzled his nose into my neck. I felt his tears splattered against my neck and felt them trail down to my collar bone. I didn't care right now, all I cared about is I had Louis back. 

He ran his fingers through my curls and personally I always loved when he does that, he always turned me on. 

"I missed you so much." He whimpered as his hands traveled my curls.

I hugged him closer into my chest saying, "I know, I won't ever let you go, I-I swear never again." 

"Wh-Why?" he sniffled, "Why did you ignore me?" He asked softly.

I buried my face into his neck and breathed in his scent. He shivered a bit as my breath ran down his neck, "I can't tell you but you have to trust me tha-that one day I will. I promise." I pleaded.

He pulled away from the hug and I whimpered a bit. Was he going to be mad at me? What if he didn't want me to keep secrets from him and we go back to square one. 

"I don't like when you keep things from me." He said sitting criss cross. He looked into my eyes and I realized his eyes turned from gray back to blue. 

"You have to trust me Lou..." I whispered sniffling.

Oh no, he's not going to give up isn't he?

"Di- Did I do something wrong?" He asked in a small voice.

"Oh god Louis you did NOTHING wrong! Please believe me when I say that, I've just been going through some problems, but I p-promise I'll tell you when I'm ready." I still had tears running down my cheeks from all the emotions swirling inside me.

He looked down at his hands placed in his lap. The next second I almost didn't see him when he lunged at me, and fell back into my arms. He wrapped his arms around my neck again and I instantly wrapped mine around his chest. 

"O-okay I'll trust you only because I can't stand to be away from you anymore. You put me through hell Haz, I missed you." He mumbled into my neck.

More tears sprang from my eyes, "I know I- I'm so so sorry, I'll never do that again, I know that now." I paused, "I missed you too."

He nuzzled his face closer into my neck and sighed.

We stayed hugging on his bed for about ten minutes, we were just enjoying being able to be with each other. It's been more than two months, how could I not? I yawned, and pulled away.

"Okay Lou, I'm getting tired." I said geting up from his bed and stretching my arms over my head. "I'll see you in the morning yeah?" 

I began to walk away until I felt his hand wrap around my wrist as he tugged me back onto his bed. "Where the fuck do you think you're going?" He asked as if I was stupid.

"To my room?" 

"Ha, we just made up! That means we go back to how we were, now get under the covers Haz." He said pulling the comforter over us.

I smiled, because how could I complain? I can't.

As soon as I got underneath the covers, I felt Louis instantly cuddle up into my side. His body was laying so he was facing me. He had his arm wrapped around my waist and the other was playing with my curls. I turned to face him as well and wrapped my arm around his waist. Needing heat, I pulled him so close, so his chest was pressed against mine and I could feel his heartbeat. He nuzzled his face into my neck and I shivered almost everytime his breaths went down my body. I used my other hand to place it behind his head and twirled a few hairs around my finger.

"I missed this." He whispered.

I smiled to myself, "You have no idea."

I felt his legs intertwine with mine under the covers as he said, "Goodnight Haz, I love you." 

I frowned a bit, "I love you too Lou."

I just hope sometime in the near future he'll know how strong my I love you's are and he'll be able to say it back with the same, strong emotion as I.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (AN: Hey guys! So I wanted to fangirl over this chapter with you so I put it down here so I didn't spoil anything. Aww, wasn't this so cute?! So Harry didn't tell Louis he's in love with him but they're back to how they were, so it's a step up isn't it? YAY the boys won all their awards for the TCAS! 
> 
> Look forward to a lot more bumps along the road! This story is NOT over of course, and has a lot more to go yay! So PLEASE for love of god, leave a comment pleaseeeee! That's all I ask.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so I think this is a longer chapter than usual, I'm not entirely sure! It's a bit of a filler but that's okay because it's a cute filler! Right? Anyways, today was my first day of school and I can honestly say I'm SO not excited and or happy to be back at all. I have another 179 school days left.... yay. When do you go back, and if you already are back when did you go? 
> 
> Please give this a vote/review for another update! I'm sorry if I don't update as often because now I'm back in school and between Algebra 2 and my AP classes I don't know how much time I'll have. However the more reviews the more motivated I get, so please review! Thank you and enjoy!xo
> 
> -a

Harry's POV

Waking up this morning felt so surreal. I actually woke up with a smile on my face for the first time in months which was quite a weird feeling. Even though it was weird, I enjoyed it. 

I'm not sure what woke me up? Maybe my body woke itself up because I was fully rested, which was a surprise. I haven't slept a good night sleep in months either. Smiling to myself, I knew what the cause of all this was.

I stretched my limbs out as best as I could as I turned my head and looked down at the bundle of sunshine resting on my chest. Louis' head was resting on my chest, and he had his arm draped lazily across my waist with the other tangled in my curls. Thankfully throughout the night our legs got untanlged because I would assume, that would be uncomfortable right now.

It's also quite weird but happy to think Louis and I finally made up after two months of avoiding each other. In those two months of being apart I never felt so alone. I realized Louis is the light and happiness of my life. I can't ignore him or hurt him even if that means I need to ignore the butterflies in my stomach. Whatever I feel towards him, I need to stop being selfish and ignore it, not him. 

I let my fingers explore Louis' soft, feathery hair as he slept. I decided not to leave because lets be honest, why would I leave when I just got him back? I shut my eyes, not to fall asleep but to rest and soak in the moment before it ends. 

I believe it took about fourty minutes for Louis to finally wake up. However I was kind of dissapointed, I enjoyed watching him sleep.

I felt him shift a bit and his fingers that were still in my curls, were moving and scrunching sections of my hair. He pulled them out and stretched, yawning in the process. Finally he opened his eyes and looked around the room. With his head still resting on my stomach and chest, he looked up at me and smiled.

"Goodmorning Haz" He mumbled groggily.

"Morning Lou" I whispered.

"How long have you been awake?" He questioned still stretching a bit.

I shrugged, "Less than an hour."

He frowned a bit, "Sorry you must've been bored." 

I smiled a bit, "No worries, it's interesting to watch you sleep." I chuckled softly.

That put a smile on his face as he closed his eyes and snuggled closer, "Well, maybe I should go back to sleep then." 

I groaned, "No, as much fun as it can be, it's getting boring." 

He laughed and said, "I'm happy we made up." 

I nodded, "Me too, it's been so long." 

After I said that Louis popped up from the bed and stood up. I tried not to stare at his shirtless chest as he grabbed my wrist and tried to drag me out of bed. "Well cmon then, we don't want to waste our first day back together in bed!" 

"Well what did you have in mind?" I asked lazily standing up.

"Well you can start by making me breakfast because I think I almost burned the house down at least five times since we weren't talking." Louis says jumping on my back.

He was acting quite clingy which I didn't mind one bit. Yeah we were always clingy to each other but he's acting more clingy than normal. I assume it's because we just made up and he missed me, but boy not as much as I missed him. I liked the clingy Louis as much as I liked every other part of him.

I wrapped my arms around Louis' legs to secure him on my back as I headed downstairs.

"Sorry again for being a dick." I said on the way into the kitchen.

"Aw Haz, stop apologizing and enjoy that we have our friendship back." He said running his hands through my hair. He used a little bit too much force because he pulled my head back in the process but it felt good. I secretly loved it when he pulled on my hair, and it would always slightly turn me on every single time he did it.

I smiled as began to massage my head, "So what do you want to eat?" I asked.

"Eggs!" He exclaimed and paused before he continued, "But make it your special eggs that you sometimes make!" 

I chuckled while letting him down, "Alright."

It took about twenty minutes to cook and prepare our breakfast. Louis was watching me and making conversation the whole time. We were mainly joking around and catching up for missed time. 

We sat on the couch eating our plates of food I made. I sat with my back to the arm rest and my legs sprawled across Louis' lap. The good part of our relationship is that we always were close and kind of touchy with each other. It's normal for us to cuddle, or hold hands because that's how it was since the beginning. I shouldn't let the fact that I'm in love with him, stop me from doing all the things we always did. I want things to remain the same.

We finished our meals but I made Louis take our dishes to the sink since I cooked afterall. He came back and joined me on the couch. Instead of sitting down like any normal person would, he layed on my lap on his stomach, sprawled all over me. 

"Thanks for the breakfast, my tummy is going to explode." He said exaggerating.

"No problem, so what should we do?" I asked putting my hands behind my head.

He flipped over in my lap to lay on his back instead of his stomach. "I'm not sure..." He said playing with the hem of my shirt.

My hands uncontrollably went to his hair and he fluttered his eyes shut at the contact. "Well what do you feel like doing? Something active or something incredibly lazy and by that I mean a movie day?" I said trying to limit down our choices.

He opened his eyes suddenly and grabbed my hand from his hair, "I know the perfect thing to do!" He exclaimed, "Go change into swim trunks but wear a shirt and shoes also!" he said quickly as he ran upstairs.

I chuckled and went upstairs to get ready myself. I pulled on some light blue swimming trunks and slipped on a white t shirt over myself. I decided to wear some sandals considering Louis told me to wear swimming trunks. I brushed my teeth but didn't bother to do anything with my curls. I normally leave them how they are.

Stepping out of my room, I walked down the hall to Louis' room. I knocked on his door before entering and saw him in his bathroom brushing his teeth. He was already dressed in his swimming trunks, that were jet black. He currently wasn't wearing a top which sent butterflies erupting in my tummy. I tried not to stare as I took a seat on his bed. He gave me a friendly wink while washing his mouth.

Soon enough he put on a shirt and we were on our way to where Louis decided to go. I honestly didn't care where we were going, as long as I was with Louis, I could go anywhere. 

(AN: I'm not sure if this restaurant that's mentioned in the story has more than one or if it's just where by I live. However if you don't know what this restuarant is, no need to worry, it's going to be explained. For the story's sake, just pretend there's one in the UK)

Obviously I let Louis drive considering he's the only one who knows where we're going. It made me feel extremely happy that I could look at him and I wouldn't get a glare back in return. We were on good terms, so I could look at him and he wouldn't mind. I've been staring at him every once in a while but I've tried to limit how many times I did so he wouldn't freak out.

"So, where are you taking me on this fine evening?" I asked Louis casually as I turned down the volume of the radio.

He glanced at me and smirked, "I was going to keep it as a surprise but fine I'll tell you. We're going to Guanabanas!" He exclaimed all excited.

I rose an eyebrow and peered at him. He waited for me to say something and looked at me expectedly. "What's a Guanabanas?" I asked.

He chuckled, "It's like an outdoors cafe that serves meals and breakfast, but it's all tropical and stuff!" He explained.

"Then why did we wear our bathing suits?" I questioned, clearly confused.

"Oh and they have a dock that you can rent out paddle boards, I've been there once a few years ago. It's quite fun actually." 

It did make sense however I was nervous. I've never been paddle boarding, what if I suck? Eh, I probably will, I guess there's a first for everything right?

"But it's nearly the end of November! We're going to be cold!" I complained.

He gave me a light tap on the back of the head that still kind of hurt, "Hey what was that for?" I said rubbing it, exaggerating a bit.

He smirked, "Oh hush Haz, it was a love tap."

I blushed slightly as we pulled into what looked like a tropical rainforest. We parked the car and got out. I left my phone in the car, seeing as I don't need it. 

Entering 'Guanabanas' was really cool! It had a whole tropical paradise feel to it. The restaurant was outdoors and it made me feel like I was in a rainforest. It even had a mini waterfall, it was like a mini vacation! Some guests even had their shoes off to walk around, assuming they were at the dock. Some people were wearing day clothes, others were wearing bathing suits. I guess some came to paddle board and others came to dine in. Either way, it was mesmerizing and beautiful here!

"Woah Lou, this place is so cool!" I exclaimed turning in a full three sixty examining everything.

He smiled, "I told you, you would like it! Do you want to eat first or go paddle boarding first?" He asked.

"Paddle boarding because we just ate." I paused, "Unless you're still hungry?" I asked.

He shook his head, "No, I was just wondering." He said beginning to walk somewhere else.

I followed him as I said, "Good because my meal was pretty damn good, it better keep you full for the next twelve years." I joked.

He put his hand over his stomach, "Uh oh, I think I feel a growl coming on!" He joked back.

I smirked at him and threw an arm over his shoulder. We walked over to the water. It had a shack near the water line and a dock as well. At the shack there was a person working the register and it had plenty of life vests stocking the side of the desk.

We walked up and Louis said, "Two paddleboards for the hour."

We filled out some papers and were suited up with life vests. First we took off our shoes and shirts of course.

We walked down to the shoreline and saw a few paddle boards that we were able to use since we rented them. We approached some and Louis bent over to push one in the water.

"Do you want to share one, or have our own?" He asked.

I shrugged, "What do you think?" 

"I want my own, because I don't want your amateur skills knocking me over all the time." He said sassily.

I rose my eyebrows in defense, "Oh really, let's just see who's better then." I walked over and grabbed my own paddle board and pushed it into the water.

I wasn't really sure on how to use one though. It shouldn't be too hard. You just need to stand up, stay balanced and paddle. How difficult could it be?

I pushed myself up onto the board and was sitting. I waited a bit for the board to drift out a bit by itself before looking around. I saw Louis a little bit behind me struggling to even sit on his board.

"Having trouble there Lou?" I called while laughing.

He looked at me and just shot a glare.

I laughed and began to focus on me. Instead of sitting on it I proceeded to stand up a bit in a squatting position. When I felt comfortable I stood up fully and felt pretty proud of myself for not falling over. I grabbed the paddle that was on the board and began to use it. It was a bit difficult at first to manuever it, but after a minute or two I got used to how to work it effectively.

I looked up to see Louis was just now squatting. I know the goal was to not fall into the water. Who would want to fall into the water? There could be scary fish down there that no one wants to mess with. I wasn't scared of the water, it's just that I didn't really like the fact that I didn't know what is down there. 

I paddled myself quite quickly over to Louis. As I was getting closer to him I stopped paddling but I didn't really know how to stop moving the board. It kept moving itself considering of all the strength I was using to push off. I got more worried when I realized I was still moving fast and I was really close to his board. When I realized the board wasn't going to slow down I spoke up,

"Lou watch o-" I began but I stopped.

The tip of my board smashed into Louis'. Since I saw it coming I was able to steady myself and not fall off. However since he was squatting and not paying attention, he couldn't brace himself for impact. He flew off the paddle board and went into the water with a splash. I started laughing hysterically as I watched him resurface.

He rubbed his eyes and was regaining his surroundings. His eyes stopped on me and as they did he narrowed his eyes.

"Oh so that's how you want to play Hazza?" He said devilishly. 

I couldn't stop laughing as I said, "No no, y-you don't understand! It wa-was and a-accident!" I exclaimed trying to catch a breath in between laughs.

However, since I was laughing it wasn't helping the fact that I didn't mean to do it. But I didn't! I was just going over to him but I lost control of the board and happened to knock him over... and now I'm laughing uncontrollably. Well I can see where Louis thinks this was on purpose.

He swam over to my board and I grabbed my paddle defensively.

"Oh no, Lou get back!" I said getting worried. 

I held the paddle out in the water to smack him if he came close to me. He didn't even get a tiny bit nervous when I put my paddle in front of me. He kept approaching me and I continued to plead.

"Please Louis! Don't knock me into the water!" I pleaded, "I swear I'll doing anything!" 

Although I was scared, I was also chuckling which probably only made Louis want to knock me off even more. Soon he was right at the edge of my board. He looked up into my eyes for a few seconds and gave me a little smirk before he gripped the sides of my board.

I began to squat to push his fingers off but before I knew it, he tipped my whole board! I lost my sense of ground from underneath me as I hit the water and got completely soaked. I immediately started kicking to the surface and kept my eyes closed as well as my mouth. As I got to the surface, I felt cold. I heard Louis laughing as well and I rubbed my eyes until I had a clear vision again.

I glared at Louis however I could never be mad at him, he was just so adorable. I swam over to him as he began to swim away from me. I quickened my strokes so I was able to catch up to him. 

I smiled evily as I brought my fingers up to his armpits underneath the water and began to tickle him. He instantly started laughing and trashing around trying to push me off. I smirked knowing he's extremely ticklish, however so am I. It's funny watching him get tickled.

"Ha- Haz, stop!" He cried.

However I didn't stop and I found myself throwing my head back in laughter as I continued to tickle him. He kept trying to swim away but everytime he almost got away, I would pull him back by grabbing around his waist. I tickled him for about one minute until I began to get exhausted. I was swimming, trying to keep Louis with me, and tickling him all at the same time. It was tiring.

Finally both our laughs subsided, and we swam back to our paddle boards. I took the lead going back, they were drifting in the middle of the water. We must've swam pretty far. Sighing I tried to pick up my pace because I was super tired and I wanted to sit. 

Kicking my feet and stroking my arms through the water, I was nearly at my board. However as soon as I was in arm's reach I felt something wrap around my foot. I screamed, thinking the worst. Was it a shark? Was it an eel? Anything could be down there, that's what scared me. I was still screaming and thrashing around but soon water filled in my mouth. 

I realized I was getting dragged under the surface by an unknown source. I desparetly tried to kick my way back up to the top of the water but I couldn't. Instead of swimming up I reached down at my ankle and tried to take off whatever was tugging me down. My hands found the source of the threat around my ankle. At first I was confused at what this was considering I couldn't see. I clawed at the thing for it to release until I recognized the object by simply touching it.

It was Louis! That bastard! 

I grabbed his wrist, still submerged in water and pried it off. Running out of breath, I stormed for the surface with my hand still tightly around his wrist. It was a relief once I felt the air smash into my face as I took in the relaxing few deep breaths of oxygen.

I heard Louis beside me also gasping for breath. Once I regained my composure I turned to face him. A few strands of wet hair was covering his right eye and he smirked at me, still breathing heavily.

"You" I gasped for air, "dick." 

He chuckled, breathing and said, "Sorry, you had it coming." 

I couldn't help but give him the biggest smile as I started bursting out laughing. He began to laugh as well and we probably looked like idiots, "I scared you!" He said in between laughs.

I nodded my head still laughing as I responded, "I know Lou, you need to stop doing that!" 

He ruffled my wet curls, "Never."

He swam back to his board and I did so as well. We stayed in the water for the rest of our hour session we payed for. We stopped trying to stay on, even if I was pretty good at it if I do say so myself. I thought Louis was better than he said he was, apparently not. I thought it was cute though and I couldn't stop staring at him and smiling. I hope he didn't notice, because otherwise that's extremely awkward. 

We returned our paddle boards and were currently sitting at a table seating outside. We were surrounded by tropical trees and it was literally like a rainforest. It was insanely cool and I loved the atmosphere. We were ordering lunch considering it was around lunch time. 

We both agreed we weren't really hungry, but we wanted to still sit down and eat because of how pretty it is here. I just agreed because I secretly wanted bonding time. Since we weren't that hungry we just ordered a plate of four mini hamburgers and french fries, we decided to split it. We already ordered and were waiting on our food.

"So did you like it?" Louis asked cheerfully and expectantly.

I smiled, "Of course, seriously, it was so cool here. But" I smirked, "I think I'm better at paddle boarding than you."

He gasped, "Uh excuse you, I just haven't done it in a while, I was just warming up!" He defended weakly.

"Well it was my first time!" I retorted.

He put a hand up to where his heart was and put on a mushy face, "Aw! I was your first time Haz?!" he said a bit too loudly. He leaned over the table and pinched my cheeks and poked my dimple.

I immediately started to blush and I tried to cover my face. I couldn't let Louis see me blushing, he'd know something would be up. Although I'm not ignoring him anymore, I wasn't ready for him to find out.

"Aw are you blushing?" He asked smirking.

I looked away and took a sip out of my drink. Why does he have to do this to me? Thankfully he decided to drop it as he said,

"So what do you want to do after we leave here?" He asked.

I shrugged, "What did you have in mind?" 

"Well, I am a bit tired. Maybe we can just watch a movie and relax like old times?" He suggested.

A smile creeped onto my face, "I'd like that." 

Not long after our waitress served our plate of mini hamburgers and french fries. It was pretty good and we chatted just trying to catch up. Of course there was a few jokes here and there considering it was Louis we were talking about.

We split the plate of fries considering we both really liked them. Louis already finished his plate of french fries and I could see him eyeing mine. I had quite a few left and I narrowed my eyes at him. He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him to it,

"No." I answered.

He looked shocked, "How did you know what I was going to say?" He asked, "You don't even know what I was going to ask." 

I smirked, "You were literally drooling over my plate when you finished your last fry." 

He pouted, "But Haz, it's so good!" He defended.

I chuckled, "Oh no, don't do the guilty trick on me. It may work other times, but no not today. You think you're so sly, don't you." I said pointing a french fry at him and taking a bite out of it. 

He deepened his frown even more and even began to bat his eyelashes. My heart swelled at the very sight. Louis always knew he could get whatever he wanted from me. I don't know if he ever really thought why I do whatever he wants. However I don't think he even suspects I'm pratically in love with him, considering I just found out myself.

"Pretty please Harry, just one?" He pleaded sweetly.

I sighed heavily and nodded eventually pushing my plate towards him, "Fine." I paused, "Only one." I reminded. 

His frown instantly turned into a delightful smile as he popped a single french fry into his mouth. I assumed it was going to happen sooner or later but instead of Louis finishing one of my fries, he ate almost the rest of my plate. However I couldn't complain, I'm just happy we are even talking again. It feels great to have my sense of joy around me again.

We eventually finished, and I insisted to pay for our lunch/dinner. Soon Louis was driving us to the closest RedBox to rent a movie. We weren't really sure what movie we wanted to see. However I don't think it's going to be a problem because Louis and I don't really care what movie we watch, as long as we get to watch it together. That's what I love about our... friendship.

Sometimes I forget it's just a friendship. With my emotions, and our actions towards each other. It almost feels as if we were actually together as a couple. Obviously that's not the case, because if that was the case, I'd be able to do things I can't right now. Like kiss him and tell him how much I really love him.

I mean I do both of those things already. I kiss him on the forehead and cheek constantly and sometimes he does it to me as well. We always have been touchy ever since the X Factor. That's just how it worked. 

We always say 'I love you' to each other but I wish he said it to me in a way I'd like. Obviously he doesn't know how strongly I feel when I say those things to him. He probably just thinks that I'm saying these things on a best friend level. Little does he know the meaning behind what I'm saying. And oh how I wish he would mean it to me like that also. 

Soon we pulled up to a CVS. The CVS had a RedBox outside available for people to rent movies. We both got out of the car and began to search through the selections. Louis was tapping the next button as we scanned through the titles. 

"See anything?" Louis asked flipping to the next page.

I shook my head no as I quickly tried to look for a familiar title. My eyes locked on a specific one and touched Louis' hand to motion for him to stop. As cliche as it sounds my heart race sped up at the contact but I pretended as if it didn't happen. He stopped and looked at me as I pointed to a movie called The Host,

"What about that one?" I asked hitting it and the description popped up.

I watched as Lou's eyes scanned the summary. He slightly moved his lips, silently reading to himself. As he finished he nodded his head in approval.

"Sounds good, wanna get it?" He asked hovering over to the add cart.

I nodded and we quickly rented it. We got the disc and walked back into the car. 

Soon enough we were home getting ready to watch the movie. Louis was on the couch waiting for me as I made us both tea.

We didn't hear from any of the boys today. I'm sure we would hear from Zayn or one of them tomorrow. Soon we were going to be going on tour since we were done going through rehearsals. Of course there's a few more but nothing major.

I'm really excited because this is our first tour and anything could happen really. I never expected us to get as far as we got. I'm just thankful for everything so far.

Soon enough I realized the tea was done, because it snapped me out of my thinking. I poured it into two cups, one for me and one for Lou.

I put everything away and walked back into the living room to see the movie on the play screen. Louis was in the middle of yawning as I plopped down next to him and handed him his tea.

"Thanks Haz!" He said ruffling my curls and taking a sip.

He sighed contently as we relaxed into the couch. I hit play and our eyes fixed on the movie. 

As soon as the movie started I couldn't help but wrap my arms around Louis and pull him into my side. He didn't tense or hesistate at my touch, in fact he cuddled in closer. He let out a soft sigh as he snuggled into my side and rested his head on my shoulder. I could hear his steady breathing over the movie considered how close he was. 

Somtime during the movie I felt Louis begin to rub his fingers through my curls again. I think he knows thats my weak spot considering how often he does it. Instead of watching the movie, I closed my eyes and relaxed into Louis' touch. He was kneading my curls and it was like a massage. I love when he does this because it's comforting and it coming from Louis makes it all the more special.

Eventually I felt bad because he must be getting tired from playing with my curls so I reached up and grabbed his hand. I brought his hand down to my lap and mixed my fingers with his, holding it. I saw him look up at me and smile tiredly as he yawned. Changing positions, he lifted his head from my shoulder and instead put it on my lap.

It was my turn to stroke his hair and tug on it every once in a while. It also calmed me to play with Louis' as much as it calmed me when he played with mine.

I felt his feathery hair run through my fingers while we continued watching the movie. All too soon it was over and I peered down at Louis. I didn't even realize he had fallen asleep. I wonder during which part he fell asleep at.

Sighing I reached for the remote, careful not to disturb Louis sleeping on my lap. I turned off the television and cautiously lifted Louis' head from my lap. I quickly put the two cups that had our tea in, in the sink. I walked back to the living room and stared at Lou. 

He lookd so peaceful and at rest when he slept. He almost looked younger as well. His hair was out of sorts because I was playing with it during the film. He wasn't wearing a shirt as he took it off once we came home. Since he was asleep I was able to stare there a little longer, however it's not like I could look away. I decided it was getting pretty late and I should just take him to his room. We all know how cranky he can get if disturbed.

Sighing I walked over to him and slipped one arm under his legs and the other supporting his back. I then heaved upwards and lifted him off the couch. I thought he woke up but thankfully he didn't. Instead he just shifted in my arms and subconciously wrapped his arms around my neck and nestled his face into my chest.

Smiling to myself I held onto him tight on the walk to his room. I had to kick open his door with my feet, seeing as my arms were occupied. I managed to step over all the things that lay on the floor of his room. I've been in here so many times, I know where his suitcase is, where his pile of clothes is, where his shoes are, I'm able to just step over them and work my way to his bed. 

Slowly I lowered Louis down onto the matress and pulled the covers over his body. I know how cold Louis can get at night, so I made sure to tuck him in. I smiled at him and watched his peaceful face. Without giving it a second thought I leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and pulled away. 

"Night Lou." I whispered.

I heard him stirring in his sleep and I decided I needed to get out now before he awoke. I stood up quickly and walked towards the light peaking in through the door from the hallway. As I was about to walk out I heard a weak and whispered,

"Haz?" 

I whipped around but couldn't see very much. I could make out Louis' figure sitting up in the bed however.

"Yeah?" I whispered.

He layed back down and I thought he went back to sleep. But a few seconds later he said, "Don't go, please stay." 

And who was I to say no to Lou? Everyone knows I always give in.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it's taken me forever to write this chapter. I apologize in advance because this isn't one of my better chapters. This is my first weeks back to school and honestly my AP classes are much more work than I thought. I still got this chapter up though didn't I? I'm going to try my very best for these updates to be quick but with school I'm not sure! Anything is possible!
> 
> Happy Labor Day if you celebrate and please please please comment, I love getting them more than anything! Any time of feedback is appreciated, I just want to know people are reading! To be honest I really didn't think I would be able to upload this chapter tonight but I did yay! :) 
> 
> Enjoy 
> 
> -a xo

Harry's POV

It's been two weeks since Lou and I made up and honestly these were the best two weeks I remember. I think what makes it one of the best weeks I've had, is the fact I've come to terms I'm in love with Louis and I'm not denying it to myself. At first when these feelings arised, I was in denial and I felt... cautious. 

I still am a bit cautious around him and my actions you could say. I'm not ready to tell Louis yet about how I feel. I know eventually I will tell him, when I'm ready. Liam also agreed that I should wait, but I shouldn't ignore my feelings.

So that's what I'm doing. I'm not pushing them away, trying to bury my feelings and forget about them. I've realized it's useless and by pushing Louis away, I only craved him more. I need to embrace my feelings for him and accept it. 

Even though I'm not pushing them away anymore, I'm scared. Shit, I'm terrified. I know the second I tell Louis my secret, there's no going back and that's what scares me. He can either accept me and move on, or he can get disgusted and ignore me for the rest of his life.

That's not the only scary thing. The other thing that scares me is my family and the fans acceptance. I mean I never thought I would be in love with a guy, I always assumed I was straight. However I think I am straight... I just am in love with Louis?

I don't know if that makes sense, Louis is the first guy I've ever thought about in a romantic way. I still fancy girls, it's just that Louis is different. He makes me feel things I've never expierenced. It's weird, but I like it. The feeling is addictive.

But yeah I mean it's safe to say I'm terrified. I'm scared of not being accepted. Liam is the only person I've admitted my feelings to. He's promised me he wouldn't tell anyone and I trust him completely. He's one of my best mates, he wouldn't betray me, I know that. He's constantly reminded me that everyone would be proud of me, but even with his encourangement, I can't help but feel scared.

Everyone expects me to be, Harry Styles, the flirt who sleeps with every girl. I'm not like that, at all. I'm not sure why I'm labeled as that by the media but I don't like that title in any way. What will be the reaction if I come out and say I'm in love with my band mate but I'm not gay? It would be hectic, and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.

Liam says I should tell Louis first and then worry about where I go from there. It makes sense though. I should start by telling Louis, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm not ready. On occasion, I will get a mini spark of confidence out of nowhere and I feel prepared to tell him. Once I get ready to tell him, I back down once I look into his eyes. It's like everything I once knew, would then be forgotten. 

It's quite frustrating but I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I'm actually in love with Louis. I don't know when I'm going to tell him, but Liam says I shouldn't wait too long for whatever reasons. He says it's not healthy to keep it a secret for too long. He's right, he always has been.

Since it's been two weeks I might as well fill you in.

Well the boys obviously know we made up. They found out pretty soon after we did too. It took them about two days because that's when we saw them again. They were ecstatic because they honestly came clean and said they hated the tension between us. I mean I couldn't blame them, we must've made it really awkward for them.

Zayn and Niall both asked me why I was ignoring Louis. I couldn't bring myself to tell them I was in love with him and I was just trying to drown my feelings for the benefit of everyone else. One because that's embarassing, two that's a lot to dump on a person, and three I didn't have any balls. I was too nervous to come clean about something as big as that. It's not that I don't trust them, it's just that, this secret is such a big part of me, that the mere thought of it scares me.

I know I know, I told Liam, why not Zayn and Niall? 

I told Liam out of frustration and wanting to get it off my chest. In the moment I told Liam, I just needed someone to talk to, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I go to Liam often when I need some advice. He usually gives the greatest and most pratical advice, however I never take it.

I will though, in time.

So as I was explaining, it's been two weeks since our little make up. Currently we already started our tour and it's amazing! I've never believed I can go from working in a bakery, being an average lad, to having their very own tour with sold out arenas. It's incredible.

Since we are on tour, we are no longer staying at our flats. We ride the tour buses, and it's quite cramped in there. We each have our own bunks, and it's really crowded in there. It's very nice and luxurious, however I'd rather be back at home sharing a flat with Lou. 

It's a lot more tiring being on the road and all. Since we are traveling frequently that means we also have a lot of interviews because we are covering different places around the world. Interviews can be extremely boring because we always get asked the same questions. It's quite frustrating.

Louis is still very clingy, and touchy however that's not a problem with me. I love getting close with him because it's not a secret to myself anymore that I'm in love with him. I try to get as close as I can with him without giving that fact away. 

Since I ended the idea of trying to ignore Louis, things haven't gotten better. I assumed they would because I would be able to talk to Louis again, cuddle with him, overall be around him but it hasn't gotten any better. The more I'm around Louis, the more I crave him and want to burst. It's gotten more difficult with each passing day and it's getting out of hand. One time I almost kissed him in mid sentence because I couldn't look away from his lips and control myself. 

That incident brought me way too close to revealing my secret and I can't let that slip. I've been pondering about what to do for a bit. I'm not ready to tell Louis in any way shape or form. I'm not ready to tell him and come clean, there's no way. Not yet.

I was thinking of other things I can do in the mean time, maybe not to push away these feelings but to control them. If I had somebody else to think about, keep my mind occupied with, I wouldn't have to think about him too much. I was considering about trying to start seeing someone, a girl. Not a boy because I'm already confused enough as it is.

I've concluded that I'm not gay. I just am in love with Louis, as strange as it sounds. So maybe if I try and date another girl then my mind would be set right. I wouldn't have to deal with controlling myself if I am in love with someone else.

I know this seems a bit wrong to do, use somebody else to get over Louis but it's the best thing I've come up with. It's either that or me stay in a weeping state. 

I was thinking about people I could try to use to get over him. It would need to be somebody I fancy a bit. Because if I didn't fancy them then there's no hope at all they can help me get over him. I remember this lady called Caroline Flack and I remember having quite the crush on her back when I met her. We exchanged numbers but nothing more ever happened. Maybe she could get me through this confusing phase? 

I'm almost 100% sure that in time I will tell Louis the truth but just in case I want to try everything possible to make it dissapear. 

Currently we were walking back stage and heading back to our bus to start driving to our next location. It was a bit tiring process. Wake up, get ready, maybe an interview, perform, go back on the bus and sleep. It is a bit repetitive but I wouldn't change it for the world. 

We were walking in a little herd, the boys and I. We were buzzing from coming off stage and I can hear Niall chanting.

"Good job boys" Zayn said walking in between Louis and I and wrapping his arms around our shoulders.

I smiled at him and continued walking, passing my ear set to a stage manager. 

Remembering what happened on stage, I glared at Liam as he looked in my direction.

"Aw Harry, are you still upset for when I poured water on you?" He asked fluttering his eyelids.

I released myself from Zayn's grip and turned my back to Liam, "Yes! I'm freezing and my back is soaked!" I said pointed to my back.

That received a laugh from Liam and a smirk from Zayn.

I just glared as we continued walking out of the double doors in the back of the arena. We were instantly hit by screams and cold night air. Suddenly security guards surrounded us and grabbed our arms as we got guided to the buses.

Niall and Liam were joking around somewhat and trying to get out of the security's grip. They were just fooling around and making their job harder. I usually would play along as well but I'm just too tired to right now, luckily for the security guard holding onto me. 

Passing the grabbing hands of teenage girls, we safely made it onto our tour bus. As soon as I got inside I was hit with a refreshing wave of air conditioning. Sighing I walked over to one of the seats near the gaming systems. I plopped down on the couch and pulled out my phone.

The rest of the boys were somewhere else in the bus. Maybe showering, sleeping, watching television, I'm not sure. All I knew is that I was somewhat alone which would be a good time to call Caroline. I was a bit nervous because I haven't talked to her in a while and calling her out of the blue might seem suspicous. I've got to do what I have to do. 

I scrolled through my contacts until I found Caroline and hit call. The phone rang a few times until I heard someone pick up.

"Hello?" a feminine voice I recognized as Caroline greeted.

"Hey Caroline, it's Harry!" I said enthusiastically.

She paused for a second until she said, "Oh Harry, hello! How are you love?" She asked.

I smiled lightly, "Great, what are you up to?" I asked.

"Nothing really, just lounging around my house. Is there something you need?" She asked.

"Erm yeah," I hesistated, "I have an off day tomorrow, I was wondering if you wanted to get together and catch up?" I asked a bit nervously.

There was a bit of a pause then a slight chuckle, "Is that you asking me out on a date?" She asked humorously.

I blushed a bit but knowing she couldn't see me I felt a bit better, "Maybe." I said cheekily.

She laughed again, "Well of course I accept. What did you have in mind?" 

I smiled, "Erm, you know that italian restaurant near that Nandos, down the street?" I asked.

There was a slight pause but then an "Oh! Yes I know which one you're talking about!" She exclaimed.

"Great, wanna meet there tomorrow at seven?" I asked.

"Of course!"

I smiled getting ready to hang up, "Alright great, it's a date." 

Before I could hang up I saw Zayn walk in and say, "Harry? A date?" a bit too loudly 

I sent him a glare letting him know not to say anything more considering Caroline was still on the line. However he didn't seem to care, it only intruiged him more, "Who's on the phone Harry?" He said with a bit of humor in his voice.

Zayn walked closer to me and hopped on the couch trying to take the phone away from me.

"Stop." I hissed trying to say it low enough so Caroline won't hear.

Zayn smirked and reached for the phone again. I pulled the phone away quicker than him however I feel like Caroline can hear the phone being thrown around. 

"Harry?" there was a pause, "Harry?" Caroline.

Ugh why does Zayn have to come in right before I was going to hang up. I nervously brought the phone to my ear but that only invited Zayn to try and take it from me.

Zayn lunged for the phone but I pushed him back with my foot. My foot was planted firmly on his chest as he tried to swing his arms around grabbing for my cell.

"Erm, yes?" I said struggling to stay away from Zayn.

I think Caroline heared the straining in my voice because she sounded uneasy, "Um, alright? I'll see you tomorrow?"

As I was about to say something else I felt the phone being ripped out of my hands. My mouth dropped as I reached for my cell back from Zayn. However the phone slipped out of his hands as well and it hit the ground. 

"Stop!" I yelled as we both lunged for the phone on the ground.

At this point I was tackling Zayn to hand me back my phone. Getting the upper hand I straddled Zayn's back and snatched the phone from him. Out of breath I said, "Yes, I will-" breathe, "See you tomorrow!" 

"Are you alright Harry?" She asked.

I blushed, "Yeah I'm fine." I struggled to say as Zayn squirmed underneath me.

She chuckled uneasily as she said, "Alright bye." 

"Bye bye!" I said hurriedly hanging up the phone.

As soon as I hung up the phone I got off of Zayn and glared directly at him. He looked up at me and paused and looked a bit frightened. I gave him a death glare and I didn't look away. He looked extremely scared and none of us were moving. I doubt Zayn was even breathing. Holding our paused positions I soon lunged towards him. However he moved quick enough and soon I was chasing him down the tour bus.

Of course there wasn't anywhere he could go besides the bunks where the other boys were.

"No harry!" He yelled running into Louis.

I smiled slightly at the sight of Louis. He looked completely confused however he was wearing some grey sweat pants and a white t shirt. He had a beanie settled on his ruffled hair and was ready for sleep obviously. 

Zayn was hiding behind Louis because Zayn knew I wouldn't hurt Lou so he's taking advantage of that.

"Woah what's going on?" Louis asked sleepily.

"Harry has a date!" Zayn cooed.

I blushed and I could've sworn something flashed across Louis' face. Was it... no. Jealousy? No it couldn't be jealousy, what would Louis be jealous of? Whatever it was, it was long gone now and his expression was unphased.

I couldn't stop thinking about what emotion was shown on Louis' face. It left as quickly as it came, it's impossible to know what he was thinking. My mind was racing at all the different possibilities until Louis chirped up,

"Whos the lucky lady?" He asked wiggling his eyebrows.

Whatever I thought was jealousy was definitely not. "Caroline." I said sheepishly.

"OOOOOH!" Zayn teased.

As I was about to reply with a smack to Zayn's face we were interuppted with a growl, "Shut the fuck up you cunts some people are trying to sleep!" Niall complained angrily from his bunk.

We all chuckled quieter than before. Niall has always been the grumpiest one when he's exhausted. I mean we all are pretty grumpy when we are tired but Niall has a reputation. 

It quieted down a bit and I didn't want to be stuck here in an awkward situation so before anyone said anything I said, "Well I'm going to sleep lads." 

I turned to my bunk bed. Well actually you can consider it me and Louis' bunkbed. We normally go to sleep together at home in our flat and just because we are on tour, it's not like that's going to change. The boys don't really mind it because they are used to it, and maybe because there's a little curtain so they don't have to deal with it. Either way they don't mention anything which I appreciate.

I opened the mini curtain and climbed up. The bunks were so small and so crowded its a mystery how Louis and I fit in one. Our bunkbed is the highest one from the floor. There's three bunks on each side for a total of six. On our side it goes Liam's on the bottom, the one Louis would sleep in on the middle, and mine at the top. Louis would sleep in mine though so usually Louis' is empty.

On the other side it goes Niall on the bottom, and Zayn in the middle bunk and the top bunk is usually where we throw trash and stuff. 

Before climbing to the top bunk I decided to take off my shirt and jeans and stay in my boxers. Being so crowded in a tour bus gets really hot, usually Louis doesn't wear sweatpants because he gets hot as well. 

I crawl into the bunkbed at the top and scoot all the way in towards the wall to leave room for Louis. I peer out of the curtain to look down at Zayn and Louis. They were looking at me expectantly until I spoke.

"Lou are you coming to bed?" I asked.

He looked like he was going to say something more but instead he nodded and proceeded to climb up. The matress shifted next to me as he settled in the bed.

"Night Zayn." Louis spoke softly while slowly shutting the curtain. It got dark once he closed it but it wasn't very quiet. There was a television still playing in the other room and I can hear cars zipping past us as well. 

I pulled the comforter over Louis and myself and instantly I felt warm. Maybe it was the heat coming from Louis' body as well. I wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him close. I'm not sure how much closer we could get considering the bed was small enough already. Louis turned on his side to face me as he wrapped his arms around me. He buried his nose into my chest and whispered,

"Haz?" 

I rested my head on his soft hair and let out a long breath, "Yeah?" 

"Are you really going on a date with Caroline tomorrow?" He asked softly.

I frowned just thinking about it. In a way I should be excited but honestly I wasn't excited at all. I was actually kind of upset. I wish I'd be able to truthfully say I was going on a date with Louis but no, I'm going on this date with Caroline to try and get over Louis. To prove to myself that I still fancy girls as well. At least this way I won't be hurting Louis.

"Yeah.." I answered.

"Oh." He replied.

It almost sounded like he was sad but I'm sure it was because he was tired. We were all tired. We have had non stop interviews and performances. Even when we had time to relax it was hard because five boys in one room always ended up in chaos.

I thought he was going to say a little bit more however I got no answer from him. The bus was once again quiet, the only noise coming from the boys shifting in their beds around us and the television. As I felt myself drifting to sleep I felt Louis shift next to me.

Falling back under unconsciousness, he shifted again. In a few minutes he kept moving once again. 

"Lou?" I asked groggily.

He stopped moving suddenly and was quiet for a moment, "Yeah?" 

I pulled him in closer trying to get him to relax. He felt a bit tense under my touch which was unusual. He usually is comfortable when I hold onto him or pull him close. It kind of hurt knowing he just tensed but I pretended I didn't notice. There was obviously something bothering him. I wrapped my arm carefully around his head and guided it under my chin. I began to stroke his hair and play with it. He sighed heavily and untensed a bit.

"What's on your mind Boo?" I asked softly.

He didn't respond for a few seconds, "Nothing I just-" He stopped mid sentence to let out a sigh.

I waited for him to continue, "Sometimes do you feel like no matter what you do and what you decide to do will always hurt someone? Like no matter what you choose, someone is going to get hurt and it's all your fault?" He asked weakly.

I stopped running my fingers through his hair. What is he talking about? What is causing him to feel this way? He hasn't acted like anything has been on his mind lately. Which is quite out of the blue but it kind of hurts me knowing something is wrong and I wasn't there to help him.

I sigh and laugh a bit bitterly, "More than you think Lou..." I paused, "I do all the time."

It's quiet for a few minutes but for some reason I knew he wanted to say something more. It's like I had a feeling that he wasn't done talking because he said.

"What do I do? How do I know what's the right choice?" He asked softly and carefully.

Whatever he was reffering to was something really bugging him. He said it with so much emotion and so much fear. I wish he would've said what was on his mind sooner. But nevertheless, at least he's saying something.

"It depends." I began, "I know it sounds corny but listen to your heart. Forget about everyone else for a second and how everyone else will be affected and think about what you want. Do what you want to do, what you think is right. Worry about how it affects everyone later." I suggested.

I wish I could take my own advice. It's so easy to tell someone the right thing but it's so hard for myself to follow through.

I felt a smile form against my chest, "Thanks Haz" He yawned. "I missed you so much." 

I was about to reply but I felt him move under me and suddenly I felt a pair of soft lips again my cheek. His lips stayed on my cheek for about three seconds until I felt him pulled away. A blush spread across my face but a smile played on my lips. My heart probably swelled three times its size, the effect Louis has on me is incredible but scary at the same time. 

"I missed you too." I whispered as I wrapped one of my hands around his and held it to my chest. 

He snuggled closer as he said "I love you." 

I frowned a bit. It's nice to know he loves me but I really hope one day he can mean it as much as it means to me. He's so oblivious to what is right in front of his eyes. Sometimes I think I'm so obvious but considering Louis hasn't figured it out yet, maybe I'm sneakier than I thought.

"I love you too." I whispered so low I could barely hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw cute cute, what do you think Louis was talking about? What's going through his head? Dun dun dun dunn..... leave comments below for faster updates!


	14. Chapter 14

Harry's POV

Having an off day is a great feeling especially when you are so overworked. Usually on off days I would watch television, maybe some movies, probably even go in the pool for a swim. They are such lazy days that no other days can compare. However today's off day was going to be a bit different.

I was walking down the sidewalk on my way to my date with Caroline. I'm super nervous and unprepared. The only reason why I asked Caroline on this date was to get over Louis, or at least get my mind off of him. If I like somebody else then I won't think about Louis as much. This is my last hope. If this doesn't semi work, I'll come clean to Louis.

I always knew in the back of my head that I'd tell him eventually, I just didn't know when. I promised myself this morning, if this 'relationship'; if you can even call it that; doesn't work out, I'll tell Lou. It will be hard, but I need to.

As I approached the italian restaurant I told Caroline to meet me at, I got nervous. Maybe it's first date jitters? Even though I'm technically using her to get over Louis, I still do fancy her a bit. I might as well use somebody who I fancy so we have a chance at a relationship. However, she doesn't even compare to Louis. No one does, which is the scariest part.

Nearing the front entrance of the restaurant I could smell the italian foods being cooked. Just smelling it made my mouth water and stomach grumble. Now smelling it just made me more eager. I walked inside and a wave of air conditioning hit me. I walked up to the front podium and reserved a table because I didn't get one last night.

I assumed Caroline wasn't here yet so I took a seat at the seating area. There was a lot of posh looking customers dining in. It was a fancy restaurant so it's explainable. I checked my watch and I was a bit early so Caroline not being here yet is understandable. The traffic was bad as well which is why I walked.

About ten minutes of playing on my phone and scrolling through twitter I heard heels clicking against the white tiles. I looked up from my phone and saw Caroline walking towards where I was sitting. She was wearing a tight black fitting dress and black high heels. Her long hair was in curls and she was carrying a black small handbag. She looked beautiful.

Seeing her was astonishing however she was no Louis. I mentally slapped myself. I set up this date to try and forget about Louis. If I was going to get over him I need to stop comparing everyone to him.

Anyways, as for me I wore black dressy pants, white converse and a white dress shirt with a simple black tie. Formal yet simple. 

I slipped my cellphone into my pants pocket and stood up. I walked up to her and embraced her in a hug. As I embraced her in my arms, I smelt a strong smelling perfume. Not my favorite scent but it was tolerable.

"Hello Caroline you look lovely." I said as we pulled away from the hug.

"Thank you Harry, you look dashing yourself." She paused, "Did you get us a table?" She asked looking around.

I nodded and smiled motioning over to the table. I requested one in the corner of the restaurant because I don't need paparazzi already trying to start rumors, however they may not be rumors depending on how this night goes.

We walk over to the nicely set table and I walk a bit ahead of her and pulled her chair out for her like a gentleman. She thanked me as we sat down. Soon we ordered our meals and drinks and the waitress walked away.

"So," She started placing her hands in her lap, "Why did you call me so out of the blue?" She asked amused.

I blushed a bit. I knew I had to lie a bit but that's okay I guess, it's not like I'm really taking this relationship seriously. I hated doing this, using her, but it won't be forever.

I chuckled trying to play it off, "Well I was going through my contacts and I saw your name and I thought I haven't talked to you in a while." I shrugged, "I decided to give it a go." 

She laughed slightly, "Oh I see, hitting up the girls in your phone?"

I wanted to say, 'kind of'. But there was no way I would actually say that so I replied with, "No of course not! I kind of fancied you when we first met to be honest." I said kind of low. 

She smiled, "Oh so you did, now did you? And what happened to that little crush?" She asked cheekily.

"It might still be there..." I said blushing.

I knew this was considering flirting, we both were. I need to try and make this relationship work however it was already difficult. As much as I fancied her, I kept thinking of Louis. I felt terrible, almost guilty even. Which is quite weird to feel considering Louis and I aren't even dating or a thing and I feel guilty. Maybe I feel guilty considering I'm using someone as nice as her.

Our food quickly came and we dug right in considering the aroma of the food was killing me. After the first few bites we engaged in another conversation.

"So last night were you having difficulties with your phone?" She asked after she took a bite.

I blushed, as I finished chewing, "Erm well, Zayn kind of was trying to take the phone from me. I was kind of trying to hide that but I guess it was a bit obvious..." 

She laughed, "Yeah maybe just a bit. So are you on tour?" 

I nodded, "Yep, today we had a day off which I'm thankful for but I'm not sure when our next day off is to be honest." 

She shrugged, "I'm sure you'll get another day off soon." She encouraged.

I scoffed, "You don't know my management." 

"I suppose I don't." She took a bite of her lasagna, " So how are the other boys?" 

Damn, she can really spark a new conversation. Once one dies down she has another question prepared. I give her credit.

I gulped because as soon as she mentioned the other boys I instantly thought of Louis. I wonder what he was doing now.

Before I left for the date with Caroline something seemed a bit off with him. He wasn't talking much and I was left to wonder why. I had a little hope that maybe it was the fact I was going on a date but I instantly thought of how foolish that was and I pushed that idea away. I don't know what else could be bothering him so I left. 

Maybe I'll find out when I ge-

"Harry?" Caroline snapped me out of my thoughts.

I looked up to meet her eyes, "Oh sorry," I apologize, "I was just thinking." I mumbled.

She frowned a bit looking concerned, "About what?" 

"Nothing, just thinking 'ts all." I whispered.

She scoffed, "Okay you may think that I'm just a girl but please don't take me as a fool. What's wrong?" 

I bit my lip unsure, there's no way I can tell her about Louis. I'm using her to get over him and if I tell her that will destroy the whole purpose of this date. I liked how she seemed so concerned and caring but I can't tell her.

"Just something that's been going on recently. I'm sorry I'd rather not say but you don't need to worry about me alright, let's talk about you?" I suggested, inwardly praying she'd agree.

She seemed uncertain whether to push on or give up. In a matter of seconds she sighed and said, "Fine but just know if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me alright?" she paused, "I don't want to push you into something you're uncomfortable with." 

I smiled because she seemed so understanding. She knew I didn't want to talk about it and she respected that. She seemed really sweet, if I didn't know Louis, I would have a chance with her.

"I really appreciate it." I said smiling.

"No problem Harry, so anyways what have you been up to today?" She asked 

I took a sip of my water, "Erm nothing much. Since I didn't have any responsibilities I slept in to like one in the afternoon!" I chuckled as she began to laugh, "Yeah I know that's really late but I've been so exhausted lately might as well take advantage of my day off."

"You should be exhausted considering the time you called me last night!" She laughed.

"I'm sorry! I just got off stage!" I defended.

She chuckled, "I'm just messing with you, don't worry. Any-"

Caroline got cut off by my cell phone ringing. I jumped getting startled and I pulled out my phone from my pocket. It was Louis calling, what could he want?

"Is someone calling?" She asked.

I nodded, "Do you mind if I answer?" I asked.

"Of course not! Go ahead!" She said taking a bite from her lasagna.

I smiled thankfully, and swiped to answer, "Hey Lou what's up?" I asked putting the cell phone to my ear.

"Erm Harry can you come home now?" Louis asked.

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Louis, you know I'm on a date." I informed.

He groaned, "Yeah I know but I'm hungry and I don't want to be burn the hotel down." 

This only confused me more. "Louis?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"It's a hotel." I paused, "You don't cook your own food in a hotel. You order room service or go to a restaurant. There isn't even a kitchen in the hotel." I said trying to figure out what he could mean.

I guess Caroline heard because she lightly chuckled which caused me to smile. 

"Oh well are you going to come home soon then? I want some food." He asked.

"I'm eating right now." I said getting impatient however there's no way I could ever get mad at him.

"Fine then don't let me spoil your little date." He said sounding a bit angry or frustrated.

I began to get more confused however before I could reply I heard a click indicating Louis had hung up.

"What the hell?" I asked aloud ending the call. 

Caroline finished taking a bite from her food as she asked, "Why what's wrong?" 

I groaned, "I'm not entirely sure. Louis just called me and wanted me to go cook for him or something and now he's mad at me because I told him that I was eating already on a date. Which I'm not sure why he would be mad because I already told him I was here before I left." 

Why would Louis get like that? He's never the one to be upset with me over something as dumb as this. I didn't even do anything wrong he was just being childish.

"Oh I'm so sorry!" She sounded genuinenly sorry, "Go on, go take care of him! I'm so sorry I took you away from him!" 

I stared at her wide eyed, "Are you kidding?" I asked shocked, "This is in no way your fault! Firstly I asked you out on the date, you didn't take me away from him. Plus I think he's just being silly, he can order room service."

I normally would hop at the chance to hang out with Louis but I'm not sure what's gotten Louis all stirred up and acting strange. Plus Caroline was being an absolute sweetheart which made me feel twenty times more guilty about using her. 

"No you should be there for your friend, I feel absoutely terrible. I can't help but feel like it's my fault that he's mad at you." She said honestly.

I sighed, "Don't feel bad at all Caroline now you're making me feel bad!" I exclaimed.

"I'm sorry! Go ahead I don't mind one bit, besides by the looks of it we are both done eating!" She said.

I looked at both our plates and they are both in fact almost all empty. I felt bad but it seemed as if she didn't really mind and she really, genuinely wanted me to go. She's too sweet for her own good. 

I bit my lip contemplating, "I don't know Caroline. That'd be awfully rude of me if I just left in the middle of our date." I said unsure.

"Harry please don't worry about it. I want you to be there for your friend. I don't want me to be holding you back alright?" She asked trying to reassure me.

I thought it over for a few seconds but how could I say no to getting a chance to see Louis? 

I smiled brightly, loving the fact at how understanding she actually is. I agreed, and I quickly asked the waitor for the check. While we waited for the check we carried on another conversation and had a quick laugh.

I've grown to love Caroline. Not in a romanic way, but in a friendly way. I may fancy her a bit but that little bit doesn't even come close to the admiration I have for Louis. There's just no comparison.

Soon I payed for both of our dinners and we got up to leave. She drove here so I walked her to her car. I almost forgot that I was trying to date her, or at least trying to pretend to date her. So on the way out I held her hand but I felt terrible for leading her on. Even though I felt terrible, I didn't stop.

We approached her car and I spoke up first, "Thank you so much for being understanding, I really can't thank you enough."

She smiled, "Oh Harry, it's no big deal. You're a best friend to Louis first am I right?" She chuckled.

"Yeah..." I paused, "friend." I whisper so low I barely even caught it.

"Well thanks for the date Harry, I had a lovely time. Maybe sometime this week we can get together again and make it through the whole date?" She suggested but in no way was offending.

I smiled and nodded my head, "Of course, I'll text you when I have some free time on my hands alright?" I asked.

She nodded smiling. I wasn't sure if I should kiss her or not. Was I moving too fast or was I not? I stood there for a few seconds wondering what she was thinking. Was she going to give me a hug or a kiss? She obviously wasn't going to be making the first move so that meant I would have to.

I could've sworn I just saw her staring at my lips. Maybe that's my cue, ay I've got nothing to lose.

Slowly I began to lean in. I leaned in so slowly so I would be able to see her reaction, if she should pull away or lean in as well. To my luck I saw her lean in too, so I took this as my cue to lean in a bit faster and close my eyes.

Within seconds my lips connected with hers. Her lips were soft and small and tasted like the mints they handed out after our meal. I was a bit nervous as to how far I should take it. However I didn't need to figure that out for myself because I felt her tongue swipe against my bottom lip. I allowed her entrance as I opened my mouth. Our tongues soon met, it was slow, nothing greedy however it wasn't very passionate either. It wasn't shocking because I'm not really taking this relationship seriously.

I cupped her cheek with my hand but soon the kiss was over.

I smiled as she smiled back at me. "Have a safe drive home." I said.

She smiled and opened her car door, "Bye Harry." 

I waved as she drove off. I watched her car drive away into the darkness and I felt terrible. I knew I was leading her on, I knew I was setting her up for failure but for some reason I went along with it. I'm a horrible person and I don't even deserve her let alone Louis. 

The guilt inside is already eating me alive, how am I going to keep this up?

Groaning, I began to walk back to the hotel the boys and I are staying at. Why am I suck a fuck up, was the only thing I thought on the walk to the hotel.

The night air was cool and brisk which I was thankful for. I can't stand the heat, the heat angers me. I get hot and sweaty. When it's cool I feel alive and all I want to do is dance and jump around. The cold weather always puts me in a good mood.

I approached our hotel and I took out our room key. I entered the hotel room Louis and I share and heard the television blaring from the living room. I shut the door behind me and kicked off my shoes. I hung up my coat on the coat rack by the door and started for the living room.

As I entered I saw Louis sprawled across the couch.

"Back from your date with gorgeous Caroline I see" Louis said bitterly.

I rolled my eyes and walked towards him. "She was actually considerate and let me leave the date to tend to whatever you seem so angry about." I replied. 

He didn't even reply. In fact it didn't even seem like he was listening to me because of the television in his face. Groaning I stepped in front of the television and turned it off.

"Hey!" I heard him protest as I turned around to face him.

"Now do you want to tell me what you're so worked up about?" I asked putting my hands on my hips waiting for an explanation.

He shrugged and went quiet. 

I waited for a few seconds to see if he was going to say anything. He didn't.

"So you're going to tell me that you called me, interuppted my date, and have me walk all the way back when my date wasn't even o-"

"The Lion King was on." He interuppted.

Oh. I sighed, it was a thing about that movie Lou and I have. It was special because that was the first movie he and I watched together. It was during the XFactor days. We would watch that movie whenever we had the chance because it would bring back good memories of when we first met. 

I was never even mad in the first place, but I didn't want to give in so easily like I always did. However now I couldn't hide it anymore because a smile sported my lips. 

"Well then, why isn't it on?" I asked cheerfully and plopped on the couch next to him.

"Because you turned it off cheeseball." He replied humorously. 

I chuckled and switched the television back on. As expected the Lion King was about in the middle of the movie and I smiled contently. We both stopped talking and gave our attention to the movie. It wasn't even five minutes in until I felt Louis cuddle up into my side and wrap his arms around my left around and leaned his head against my shoulder. 

I smiled and pulled him in between my legs. He smiled back at me and leaned his back against my chest as I wrapped my arms around his waist. He placed his hands on top of my hands and began to play with my fingers.

I smiled as I leaned my head into his shoulder and his neck. I wish I could be like this with him all the time. Not just as a friendship. It's very difficult to keep living a life like this. To know you can be so close to a perfect realtionship but be so far. We acted like a couple minus the kissing and the whole nine yards but it felt like I was in one. The hardest part of feeling like this, is moments like this; When I realize that we aren't in a relationship, he doesn't love me, we could never be in one even if the feelings were mutual and it tears my heart apart.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey, so I enjoyed writing this chapter a whole lot! It's very long, you're welcome! Thank you all for the comments/votes, I read them all and I smile each and every time I get a new one! Keep them coming they really help my writing motivation! 
> 
> I have so much homework but I wanted to get this up before I started, it's already 7 omg i need to start. Anyways enjoy this chapter. I'll remind you to comment at the end of this chapter. I can't wait for you guys to comment and hear what you have to say about this chapter! :) xo
> 
> -a

Harry's POV

It's been three weeks. Three freaking weeks since I've been 'dating' Caroline and I hate myself for it.

I originally started this whole thing to try and forget about Louis or somehow fall out of love with him. Of course I was dumb and once again my plan didn't work. I didn't think about him as much but that was only because I was thinking about how bad I felt for leading Caroline on which wasn't a great thing to be thinking about either.

I promised myself I would tell Caroline the truth, or at least break up with her. That was two weeks ago and I still didn't work up the courage to tell her. Now that it's been three weeks it's going to be even worse when I tell her. I can't wait any longer, I just can't.

Everytime I look into her eyes, look her way, hear her voice, just being around her is making the guilt eat me alive. We've been hanging out whenever we could and she was so fun to be around but there was no way I liked her in more than a friendly way which is what ruins it all.

We were have a gathering barbecue at Liam's flat. The barbecue would have relatives, friends and maybe some random people we didn't even know. It's possible because it's happened before. I decided that I would tell her when she comes over. I can't wait any longer because the longer I put it off, the worse it becomes. 

The barbecue started about twenty minutes ago but I'm not surprised that Caroline isn't here yet. She told me she was going to be running late because she got caught up with her parents. 

Currently Louis and I were sitting outside on Liam's patio eating some hot dogs. The sun was shining so bright, I was sweating and I wasn't even doing anything. I'm surprised how hot it was today considering it's almost winter time. The hotdogs Liam cooked were incredible and I was almost done with my first one.

I took another bite from my hotdog as I heard a farting sound. I stopped mid bite and looked at Louis. I just chuckled, he must've heard me because he looked up from his hotdog.

"What?" He asked innocently.

I smirked, "No need to play dumb Lou, I heard you fart."

He seemed offended, 'No I didn't!"

I chuckled, "Lou it's alright I don't care, it was just a fart." I said continuing my hotdog.

He pouted, "But I swear, it wasn't me! I was squeezing ketchup!" He exclaimed pointing to the ketchup bottle in his hand. I figured he was telling the truth but a good harmless joke on Louis was always fun too.

"Sure." I said obviously sounding unconvinced.

"You don't believe me eh?" Louis asked mischeviously.

"Nope" I said nearing the last bite of my hotdog.

Before I put the last bit in my mouth I felt something on my face. I stopped eating my hotdog and I realized Louis just squirted ketchup on my face. I opened my mouth in shock and slowly wiped it off my cheek. With my mouth still hanging open Louis took this as a chance to just squirt more. Some got in my mouth, and some of it landed on my forehead and my cheeks.

"Louis!" I yelled reaching for him. 

He quickly stood up from his patio seat and stood away from me holding the ketchup bottle in defense.

I lunged for him, still getting squirted with ketchup on my white shirt and jeans. All I heard were Louis' laughs and people around us as well. Louis dashed away into the backyard as I followed him right on his tail.

"Louis get back here!" I yelled.

He just laughed loudly in response. I chased him all the way to the end of Liam's backyard. I felt myself getting out of breath and I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep going. I was gaining on Louis but knowing him he can run forever. So when I was pretty close I leaped forward and jumped on my stomach and grabbed his ankles causing him to fall.

We both landed with a grunt but the second Louis hit the ground he started kicking his feet trying to get out of my grip. I grabbed on tighter trying to grab his ketchup bottle. He was thrashing around until I pulled myself over to him and pinned down his arms. I used my legs to pin down his legs and trapped him while he lay down on his back. 

I smirked evily as he just looked a bit scared but also a bit playful. As he looked around my face he started laughing, from the ketchup I assume.

"Oh so you think this is funny?" I asked.

He nodded laughing, "Yeah"

"Well I don't." I said taking the ketchup bottle out of his hands, "And if you think it's so funny then you won't mind if I do this." 

I said as I opened the ketchup bottle and squirted ketchup all over Louis' face, hair, and torso. 

I was straddling his stomach and trying to keep him underneath me but he was struggling. He started to grab the bottle and suddenly I felt my back hit the grass and soon Louis was straddling me instead. I couldn't deny that I did like this position. I blushed a bit but he couldn't tell considering all the ketchup on my face. He started to squirt me once again while I struggled underneath his hold.

I hear Liam yelling at us in the distance. He was coming closer to us, as were other guests at the barebecue. Of course it would be us to make a scene. Oh well they should've seen it coming.

Not being upset anymore I just started laughing under his hold while he squirted almost the whole bottle. It was a bit gross considering I don't even like ketchup but I was having fun.

"Lads! What are you doing?" Liam exclaimed standing over Louis.

He wrapped his arms around Louis' waist and heaved him off of me. I got up once Lou's weight was gone and dusted some grass off.

"You got ketchup all over yourselves and on my grass!" He groaned.

Louis and I both tried to hold in our laughter so instead I said, "Sorry Liam."

Some guests from the barbecue were looking at the scene but they didn't come over here thankfully. I guess they were trying to seem as if they weren't snooping.

"You two need to go upstairs and wash up, especially you Harry before Caroline comes." He said.

I nodded and we headed back upstairs.

"I still think you farted." I said to Louis as we walked up the steps to the bathroom.

He wrapped an arm around my neck and gave me a noogie. He let go as I laughed.

Within fifteen minutes I showered and changed into some of Liam's clothes. As I was in Liam's bathroom I was snooping around. I looked through his cabinets until I came upon some cologne. I picked it up and observed the bottle. Nodding I smelled the cap and it smelled amazing. I began to squirt some on until I heard someone walk in.

"Ha-" Louis began but stopped once he saw me.

I smiled sheepishly putting back Liam's cologne.

"Ooh Haz, I'm gonna tell." He teased.

I scoffed, "Why would you tell? It's not a big deal." 

"Because," Louis started, "That's Liam's favorite cologne and they stopped making that. He only wears it to special events because he wants to 'savior it'" he said putting air quotes around 'savior it'.

"Oh" I said softly, "Well it can be our little secret." I said smiling at him.

He was about to open his mouth to reply until he got interuppted by Liam, "Hey Harry!" Liam called.

"Yeah?!" I answered back.

"Caroline is here!" He yelled from downstairs.

"Coming!" I replied while heading out of the bathroom.

I could've sworn I saw Louis roll his eyes but maybe I just imagined it because I would've liked him to be jealous. Anyways I walked around Louis to exit the door without another word.

"Bye Harry." Louis said not very genuinely but more of a 'Bye Harry, I'm right here you know'. 

I felt a bit bad but I said goodbye back. 

I walked down the stairs and my heart began racing. I need to tell Caroline the truth, I couldn't wait any longer. The guilt is eating me little by little and soon there will be nothing left. I entered the first floor of Liam's house and was dodging his guests. I walked to the kitchen and saw Caroline eating on some refreshments on the counter.

I walked up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around and as soon as we locked eyes she smiled and went in for a hug. I felt like the right thing to do would be to hug her back.

"Hey Harry" She greeted.

"Hello Caroline how are you?" I asked as we pulled away.

"I've been good since I saw you a day ago." She chuckled.

I smiled but it wasn't sincere. I can't stop thinking about how guilty I was. The guilt was the strongest whenever she was around. I think she could sense something was wrong. I think she always had been able to these past weeks because she constantly asks what's wrong.

"Yeah..." I replied, "So how was your parents?" I asked trying to make conversation to calm my nerves.

She nodded, "They were a blast as always. Who were you hanging out with before?" She asked curiously.

"Lou." I answered.

"Ah, Liam was complaining about you two." She laughed.

I smiled just thinking about Louis. 

"So what do you want to do?" She asked.

"Erm I was wondering if we could talk" I said shifting on my feet.

She looked confused and I wanted to punch myself in the face. I can't believe I used her. 

"Um sure?" She said.

I grabbed her hand and led her where no one else was around. That place was Liam's guest room. I shut the door behind us and she walked over to the couch. I sat down next to her and took a deep breath.

"Is everything alright?" She asked nervously.

I shook my head no, "No, no not exactly." I started.

"Cmon Harry you can tell me anything, you know that." She encouraged.

I tried to smile but it was weak, "It's really really hard to tell you." I paused, "I feel terrible, I've done something horrible." I whispered.

She rubbed my back soothingly, "It's alright Harry, you can tell me. I won't be mad I promise."

I shook my head, "No, I'm sure you will be. I just, it's hard for me to tell you. I should've told you as soon as I did it but I couldn't bring myself to do it." I said sweating profusely.

"Harry..." She said cautiously, "You're scaring me." 

I rubbed my palms together anxiously and stuttered, "I need to be honest with you and I-I know that you will most likely hate me for it. I don't blame you" I laughed bitterly, "I kind of hate me too." 

"Harry just tell me." She pushed.

"I am using you." I flat out said it.

I was scared to look at her reaction but somehow I brought my eyes to her. She looked a bit shocked but she didn't seem angry. She seemed a bit upset but mainly confusion.

"W-what?" She asked.

"I used you." I said again, "I'm so sorry, I never meant for it to go this far, I was trying to make everything okay again but I just made everything worse. I always manage to screw everything up. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I repeated my heart beating.

I waited for her to stand up and leave, maybe even hit me or something. Yell at me at least. But she didn't. It was quiet for a minute and the silence was deafening. I bit my lip and I felt tears at the brink of my eyes.

"Why?" She asked.

"What?" I asked.

"Why?" She repeated, "Why would you use me?" She asked.

She didn't sound hurt, she just sounded genuinely concerned.

I bit my lip even harder almost surfacing blood. 

"I-I'd rather not say." I stuttered.

I can't tell her my biggest secret, I haven't even known her for that long. This secret is my whole life.

"Harry, I think I deserve to know. You used me for this, why won't you trust me?" She asked.

She has a point. I can't just say that I used her and then not tell her why. She deserves answers as to why I did what I did even as horrible as it may sound, I need to tell her.

"I-I" I paused, "You see, I've realized something these past few months. Something insane that I never thought would happen, and it scares the living crap out of me. I guess I just don't know how to deal with it and this was my last resort." I explained.

She sighed impatiently, "Stop beating around the bush, just tell me." She demanded.

I sighed and took a long breath, "I'm in love with Louis." I flat out said.

Her eyes shown a bit of shock but mainly confusion as well, "Then why did you use me?" She asked completely unphased that I just told her I was in love with one of my bandmates.

"I didn't want to be in love with Louis. It just kind of happened. The thought of being in love with Louis is frightenening and intimidating. Our careers are at stake because of what I feel. Louis doesn't even love me back, it could end all our careers and my family will find me as a dissapointment." I paused and whispered, "Everyone would." 

"I don't see why you would ask me out on a date if you love Louis?" She questioned.

"Well, I mean I was trying to push away these feelings I've been getting for a long time. I can't be selfish, I wanted them to go away. I even tried ignoring him" I laughed bitterly, "That didn't work out so well at all. I then just decided to go with the flow, act as if nothing is wrong. But eventually I couldn't keep it up, I needed to try something new. If I had someone or something to distract me, like a girlfriend, someone else to love and cherish, I would forget about Louis and everything would be back to how they should be." I looked down at my hands, "But they're not." A few tears slipped out of my eyes and down my cheek. I wiped a few of them away.

I felt Caroline reach over and embrace me in a hug. I eventually hugged her back and cried into her shoulder.

"You shouldn't be giving me sympathy." I spat, "I hurt you and used you. I'm just what the media says, I'm a womanizer." I croaked.

She pulled away and held me at arms length. "No Harry. You aren't." She said looking into my eyes, "You're confused, you never had to deal with something like this. It's okay to be scared, it's okay to fuck up, everything is going to be okay." She paused and wiped a few tears from my cheeks, "I forgive you but that doesn't mean I'm not hurt but I know you never intended to do that. Forget about what everyone will think, think about yourself and what you want. I kind of assumed something was going on between you two anyways. The way you look at each other and how you're so comfortable around each other is amazing. Don't ruin what you have." She said sternly, "Tell him."

I shook my head no frantically, "I'm so scared. I can't." I whimpered.

"Don't be afraid Harry." She encouraged.

"I can't help it, what if he hates me? I can't deal with him ignoring me and finding me disgusting." I whispered, "I wouldn't be able to handle that."

"Louis is your best friend, if he doesn't like you back he will accept you. He loves you Harry, all the boys do, your fans do, and so does your family. They will be okay with this, and you should be too. Stop trying to push everything away, stop trying to drown your feelings. They are there for a reason, don't lock them away. If you love him, go tell him." She explained.

I was full on sobbing now. She was right, it was time for me to fess up. I can't keep trying to push everything away, I've tried too hard. I was just so scared.

"I-I can't, I'm so so scared Caroline." I whispered, crying in between words.

She pulled me in for another hug and rubbed my back, "Everyone will hate me." I whispered again.

"Stop it Harry, stop saying everyone will hate you. Accept who you are, accept your love and forget about what others think. Think about you and Louis. Stop trying to deny who you are and embrace it."

I nodded slowly into her shoulder, "I understand I just-" I sucked in a breath, "Why don't you hate me for leading you on? Why are you helping me?" I asked.

She smiled, "You're a good guy Harry, your intentions were pure." She said pushing curls out of my face, "Besides, you need more encouragement than I do." 

I chuckled while letting my last few tears escape.

"When should I tell him?" I asked.

"Whenever you're ready." She said.

"I-I can't do it today." I needed time to prepare and think about what I'm really doing.

"Don't force it Harry. Tell him when you think the time is right, just don't wait too long, you never know what could happen. One day you could have your chance and the next it could be gone and you'll regret ever waiting."


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, so this chapter is a bit short and a bit of a filler! No worries though, soon enough we'll get to the good parts. I just want to drag on the story a bit longer, I don't want to rush this book. A rushed book is never a good story! :) 
> 
> At least that's what I think. Anyways, even though it's short it should hold you over until my next update! It's a monday, maybe you'll just take a break from school for a bit and read this chapter! If you like it, vote/review! I read each and every one of them and it always puts a smile on my face! I'll remind you at the end of the chapter! Love you all xo 
> 
> -a

Harry's POV

It's been three days since I talked to Caroline and I feel so much better. She was okay with me using her but it's not like she wasn't dissapointed. She was but I guess she felt sorry for me so instead she's been helping me and giving me advice.

I think I'm going to follow her advice, tell him when the time comes. I can't rush into it or pick a certain date to tell him, I need to go with the flow. Whether the right time be in the restroom while he's taking a crap, I'll tell him. Not in a rushed time. On my own time. 

The scary part of that plan is actually telling him, but now it's time management. I can't wait too long. Something can happen, I might be missing my chances to tell him so I need to really manage my time. It's frightening to think it could happen at any moment but at least I'm living a bit spontaneous. Until the time comes, I'll wait patiently because I'd wait for Louis forever.

Except right now, because we were going to walk around town today. Just Louis and I. It was another day off and I told Louis to be ready an hour ago but he's still not downstairs. Getting up from the couch I sighed and headed upstairs.

I checked his room but he wasn't in there. Frowning I walked up to the bathroom and I heard some grunts of frustration coming from inside. I furrowed my eyesbrows and knocked lightly on the bathroom door.

"Louis?" I paused and knocked again, "What's wrong?"

I heard another groan from inside, "Nothing Haz, I'll be out in like t-two seconds!" He called.

What the hell is he doing in there? He never takes this long to get ready. "Let me in Louis!" I urged, knocking again.

"No wait downstairs, I'll be down there." He called getting annoyed.

However I was also getting annoyed. I gripped the doorknob and swung open the door. I was revealed to a frustrated looking Louis with his hands through his disheveled hair. He was staring at the mirror with a bottle of gel on the sink.

"What the hell are you doing in here? Get out! I told you to wait outside!" He started shoving me to get out.

"Louis what's wrong?" I said grabbing his shoving hands by the wrists, "Why do you look so flustered?" I asked softly.

He looked like he was going to reply with a witty remark but instead he sighed heavily and looked down at the ground and untensed. 

"I just," he paused, "I can't gel my hair right. Lou (AN: Lou is One Directions' hair stylist in real life) knows how to make my hair stand up straight in a quiff perfectly but when I try to do it to my hair it looks like absolute shit." He huffed, "Besides I only look good when a bunch of stylists work on me."

I frowned, he sounded defeated and insecure. He never seemed insecure to me however I guess he was. He thought he didn't look good enough. He thinks that the only reason why he looks good is because our stylists use make up and hair products constantly. 

Sighing I took the gel bottle out of his hands and placed it on the sink. I proceeded to pull him in for a hug. I wrapped my left arm around his waist and I used my right hand to grip the back of his head. I pushed his head lightly into my neck and I instantly felt his heavy and flustered breathing run down it. I shivered slightly and at first he didn't hug me back but then he stopped fighting it and wrapped his arms around me.

"Louis you're beautiful without all the things that they use on us. Don't think like that okay, you don't need to impress anyone, you do that well enough without using that stuff. Without even trying boo, you look wonderful." I said truthfully.

I heard him sniffle so quietly I barely even caught it, "But the fans and everyone just think that I'm good looking from all the stuff they put on us. They don't know the real me and if they did, they would think I'm an ugly piece of shit." He whimpered.

I felt myself growing more and more upset. How could someone as perfect as Louis think so negatively? It hurts knowing Louis is hurting. 

I rubbed his back and pulled away. He was looking down at the bathroom floor insecurely until I made him look into my eyes as I spoke,

"Louis you're perfect without all that stuff okay? It's alright to feel gross and disgusting but not one bit of it's true." 

"You're just saying that to make me feel better." He whispered.

I frowned once again, "No Lou, I promise I'm not. You wanna know why? Your hair looks best when you don't try. I think you look your absolute best when you wake up and walk out in a pair of sweats or just your underwear. When you haven't showered in one day and your hair is fluffy and untidy. I like it when the stylists don't do anything to you. Forget about that damn quiff and be yourself." I said while grabbing his gel and throwing it into the wastebin next to the toilet. He looked a bit shocked but a bit relieved as well. 

"Thanks Haz but I still need the gel, I'm not going to walk out and look like shit for the paparazzi." He said grabbing the gel from the wastebin. I watched him carefully as he grabbed some on his fingertips and was about to put some in his hair.

"Did you just completely forget everything I just said?" I asked loudly.

He jumped a bit but I didn't care. I grabbed his hand that had the gel on it and brought it under the sink. I turned on the water and I grabbed some soap. I proceeded to run his gel sticky fingers under the water as I scrubbed the soap on his finger tips and in between his fingers. I washed his hands for him growing frustrated. I then angrily shut off the sink and pulled his hands from under the water and brought him over to the towel rack. I dried his hands for him and turned back to him. He looked confused and a bit nervous.

"Harry what are y-" He began but I cut him off.

"Stop trying to make yourself look good when you're already god damn perfect Lou! You don't need this shit to cover up who you are." I raged.

I reached for Louis' hair and I rapidly ran my fingers through it trying to flatten it out of his attempted quiff. I felt his hair get fluffier and fluffier by the second. I continued to run my fingers in between his gelled hair and ruffled it around a bit. I stepped back after a minute and looked at it. His hair was untamed and beautiful.

"No gel." I said out of breath, "Perfect just how it should be."

"Harry I think this is-" Lou began but I cut him off again.

"Louis screw it, stop trying to deny everything I'm trying to show you. You're blind to see how wonderful you really are. I don't give a shit, I'll do this with you. Fuck management!" I said while I leaned over and ruffled my curls. I tugged on a few of my own curls and swooped it to the side to make it look as natural looking as I could.

I grabbed Louis' hand and lead him to his bedroom.

"Get the fuck out of these clothes that we are forced to wear. Get out of those fucking suspenders and red pants, put on some sweats and a t shirt. Heck go to the mall shirtless, I don't care!" I exclaimed stomping into his closet.

I was angrily searching through his clothes to find something that would show how great Louis is just by being dressed like he doesn't give a fuck. I smiled as I came two onesies. One was plain white and the other was white with a few black patterns across the upper chest.

I walked out of his closet and handed him the white one with small black patterns and I kept the all white one for myself. I instantly began changing out of my skinny jeans and dumb blazer that they made us wear as I kicked off my shoes. I was down to my boxers and about to pull on my onesie until I looked up to Louis. He looked completely confused and was standing there in shock.

"What?" I asked.

"What are you doing?" He asked lightly.

"Showing you that you're perfect without even trying, now put on the onesie!" I demanded.

He nodded quickly and put it on as well. I smiled once we were both in a onesie and natural looking. None of us had hair gel in our hair, some foundation covering our blemishes, it was just us. Normal old us.

"You look much better when you're not all glammed up to be honest." I said smiling.

Louis laughed softly "Thanks Haz." 

"Anytime Boo, you feel better?" I asked making sure he was okay now.

He smiled and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my chin on the top of his head considering how short he was compared to me. 

"You're an amazing person Haz." Louis whispered.

My heart began to beat faster from the mere touch an compliment from Louis. He makes me nervous and jittery however I liked it. I liked how he can make me feel like no one else can. He has this control over me which I find quite abnormal but I kinda love it. 

"I meant it Lou when I say that you don't need any of that stuff to make you look good alright? You may get a few pimples or blemishes but everyone does. No one is perfect but you're pretty god damn close. Don't let media bring you down, forget about what the fans think and what everyone else thinks. Because I know small little things like this can't bring you down Lou, don't let them bring you down." I encouraged.

I felt him hold onto me tighter, "Why do you always know what to say?" He asked softly.

I paused for a second and shrugged lightly, "You're like my second half, I know you better than I know myself." I chuckled.

Louis laughed, "Enough with the smooth talk Haz, lets get going." He grabbed my arm and lead me downstairs and out of the front door.

***

Today's day was filled with many eventful things but the best part was that they were all with Louis. First we went out to go bowling. I lost but I let Louis win... maybe not but a little white lie won't hurt anyone. We ate lunch at the bowling alley and then we headed to the mall. We did a bit of shopping but not a whole lot because word got around that we were at the mall and we had to leave because it got too crowded. Then for about an hour we went to the dock and walked along the bridge and had fun. Louis even threatened to push me in the water a few times but I think he was just shitting me the whole time.

Now we were at a local gas station. We decided we were going to go back home and watch something on the television but we decided we needed dinner first. We were just going to get something to eat considering I was too lazy to cook and we had no food in our house. 

Since we were at a gas station there wasn't much to choose from. I just got a sub that was already made and Louis got some candy and chips. (AN: The american chips lol). I told Louis that he was going to be hungry because that was all junk food and unsatisfying but he didn't listen to me. I let him do what he wanted because we all know already that I can never say no to him.

We quickly payed for our items and settled into the car before fans could stop us. Louis was driving which was a bit of a problem. He has a reputation for being a terrible driver but most of the time he enjoys being the driver. So of course I can't say no to Louis, so I let him drive when it's just me and him. However when it's us and the boys, the boys don't let him drive. When it's up to me I let him though. 

Louis started up the car and the air conditioning automatically turned on and so did the radio. I recognized the song as Keep Your Head Up by Andy Grammer. I knew this song because everytime it came on Louis would burst into song like he was doing right now.

"HIGHER THAN MY INCOME, INCOME'S BREADCRUMBS, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SURVIVE!" Louis belted on the top of his lungs while pulling out of the gas station.

I groaned, "Lou it's way too late for this!" I said covering my ears.

He paused his singing for a moment to laugh but soon continued, "HELPS ME REALIZE, THAT THIS IS JUST A JOURNEY, DROP YOUR WORRIES. YOU WERE GONNA TURN OUT FINE, OH OH, TURN OUT FINE. FINE OH OH YOU'LL TURN OUT FINE!" Louis did a dramatic paused and looked over at me and gave me a knowing smile. 

I smirked back and I sung along with him, "BUT YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR HEAD UP OH OH, AND YOU CAN LET YOUR HAIR DOWN EH EH! YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR HEAD UP OH OH AND YOU CAN LET YOUR HAIR DOWN EH EH! I KNOW IT'S HARD, KNOW IT'S HARD TO REMEMBER SOMETIMES BUT YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR HEAD UP OH OH AND YOU CAN LET YOUR HAIR DOWN EH EH EH EH EH!" Louis and I burst out laughing.

He and I both knew once Louis begins to sing I reject it at first. However once the song continues, I can't help but sing along, especially if it was Andy Grammer. That guy doesn't get the credit he deserves. 

We continued the song all the way through until it was over. More songs came and went by the time we arrived home. It was a good thing too considering my throat was beginning to get sore. It began to rain by the time we pulled into the driveway so we made sure to put our hoods from our onesies over our hair. 

We both ran out of the vehicle with our shopping bags weighing down our arms. Quickly we made our way inside our flat with a minimal amount of rain. We set down the bags on the kitchen counters and quickly took out the food we purchased from the gas station.

We brought our food to the living room and settled down on the couch. We popped in the movie rental; Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Theif. I've only seen this movie once but it was with all the boys and we can never sit still to watch a full movie through so I've only seen bits and pieces. From what I saw I enjoyed it.

Snuggled up under the blankets, Lou and I enjoyed the moments of silence besides the sounds from the movie itself. I quickly fell into focus on the movie and the movie only. It was nice to have my mind off of reality for a little while but it quickly ended not even halfway through.

"Haz?" I heard Louis said in a soft tone.

I stopped in the middle of the sub I got from the gas station and looked down at Louis who was spread on my lap. "Yeah?" I replied.

"I'm still hungry." He said sheepishly.

I sighed, "Did you already finish your candy and chips?" I asked.

He nodded shyly and I just groaned, "Lou I told you that it wasn't going to fill you up!" I complained.

He just smirked in response and I already saw it coming when he said, "Can I have the other half of your sub?" 

I looked down at my half eaten turkey sub. I was getting a bit full but it was still very yummy. I looked back at Louis and saw his pleading eyes. I inwardly groaned knowing that I would eventually give in. His light blue eyes peered into mine and he had that look that he knew in the end he would get what he wanted. It's always been that way. I could never just say no.

I sighed heavily and said, "Fine." 

He cheered a bit and took my other half of the sub. "Thanks Haz." He said kissing my cheek.

I couldn't help the blush that spread throughout my face. Why do I do this to myself?


	17. Chapter 17

Harry's POV

Dear Journal,

It's been a long time since I've wrote in here... again. I am so bad at keeping up with this darn book, oh well. Um there's not much to say really?

I mean it's same old same old, it's like I'm having an internal battle with myself day after day. I don't think Louis suspects something is up, however he's been acting a little strange. I mean like he's not been distant but he's been a little off? It's hard to put my finger on it but I never questioned him.

Today is just a relaxing day, Lou and I were going to hang outside today but it's been raining all day. I mean in ways it's a good thing so we can have time to ourselves but I also was excited to go outside. Oh well, you can't always get what you want, I have first hand experience with that already.

-Harry x

I sat up from my bed just as a roll of thunder filled up the silence in our flat. Louis and I slept in my room last night but he must've already woken up considering the other side of the bed was empty. I placed my journal on the bedside table and stretched my limbs that were beginning to feel sore. I got up from the bed and walked over to our bathroom. 

I shut the door behind me and turned on the light. I looked in the mirror and saw my big flop of curls on my head and my squinty eyes trying to adjust to the light. I blinked rapidly a few times and began to brush my teeth. After they were minty fresh, I relieved myself by going to the restroom. Sighing, I decided I was too lazy to change. I walked out of the bathroom in what I wore last night, my boxers.

It's much more comfier in them anyways.

I walked out of my bedroom and down the stairs into the kitchen. I saw Louis sitting on the kitchen counter wearing pajama bottoms as I recognized as my own. He had no shirt on and his peter pan like hair was fluffy and tangled. He seemed so tired and sleepy, which is the best kind of Louis there is. 

I smiled at him and walked over to the counter he was sitting on.

"Hey Haz, finally awake I see?" He asked softly, his voice still groggy from sleep.

I couldn't smack the smile off my face from hearing his voice. "Yeah, how long have you been awake?" I asked as I approached him.

I stood in between his legs and wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head against his bare chest. I stood there and listened to his heart beat as I felt his arms wrap around my back. He put one of his hands on the back of my neck as he said,

"The thunder woke me up pretty early." He whispered.

I nodded against his chest and breathed in heavily. Sometimes I wished these hugs and touches we shared meant something more to him. I could only imagine what it would be like if he actually touched me like this because he loved me in more than a brotherly way. Boy, I know I do. 

I used to be scared that if I acted this intimate with him he'd get scared and run off. I quickly realized that we were always this touchy and even if my feelings have changed for him, the way I act with him shouldn't. So here I am, embracing his scent touch against my body.

"You're so cold." He said hugging me tighter.

"You're so warm." I replied back bumping my nose against his chest.

I stood there for about a minute until I literally had to force myself away. I placed my hands on his knees and said, "Want some cereal Boo?" 

He nodded and I went to the cabinents and grabbed bowls and poured our cereal. I handed him a bowl and took one for me. I leaned against the counter opposite of Louis as we ate.

I kept looking up at him and each time I did my heart raced. I long to tell him how I feel. I can't keep this burden inside my chest, it's eating me a live day after day and I know if I don't tell him soon I will explode. 

Keeping a secret that's impacted my life so much has been so difficult. Everytime I see him, or he speaks, walks, blinks, breaths, I just want to tell him. I want to kiss him and tell him everything I've been going through. Sadly I never could bring myself to do it.

It's not only the fear of acceptance from everyone else, it's the fear of him not accepting me. If we weren't friends anymore, I don't think I'd have the will to live. It's scary how much this boy has affected me, but I'm kind of addicted to it.

"Harry?" Louis asked trying to get my attention.

I quickly averted my eyes to his gaze, "Yeah?" 

He questioned me with his light blue eyes, "Are you alright?" He asked.

I nodded maybe a bit too quickly. He seemed a bit skeptical but he thankfully didn't press on.

I watched him look down at his bowl and scoop some more cereal into his spoon. I watched him empty the contents of the spoon into his mouth and it's simple moments like this where I know exactly why I fell for him.

It may seem silly, but to me it makes sense.

Thunder echoed throughout the house as Louis said soon after, "There goes today's plans." 

I smiled slightly, "Yeah..." I paused, "It's alright though. It's you and I, we'll find something to do, we always do." 

He smiled up at me from his bowl and agreed.

After we were done eating we emptied our bowls in the sink that were piling up from other dishes we lacked to clean. We both took seperate showers and washed up. That took us about an hour and by that time it was already almost noon.

I walked downstairs again into the living room to see Louis' fluffy hair now wet. He was wearing basketball shirts without a shirt once again. I was just wearing boxers because it's easier on a day like this.

I smiled as I walked into the living room and plopped on the couch. "So what do you want to do today Boo?" I asked.

He tapped his finger on his chin, "Hmm.. watch a movie!" He replied happily.

I groaned and threw my head back, "We always watch a movie!" I protested.

He gasped and crossed his arms over his chest, "Are you getting bored of watching movies with me Harry?" He accused.

I chuckled, "No of course not Lou, I didn't say that. It's just we watched a movie last night and the nights before that. Maybe a television show or something?" I suggested.

He huffed and uncrossed his arms. "Well... if it's a television show you know what we're watching!" He said smirking.

I smirked back at him because we both knew full well what that television show would be. At the same time we both yelled, "FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR!"

I stood up from the couch as we both kneeled down at all the seasons we owned on dvd. We chose to watch the first season considering we haven't watched the first episodes in forever!

Our whole day consisted of us watching as many episodes as we could. Time flew by incredibly fast, one second we popped in the dvd and the next it was dark outside.

"What the bloody hell?" Louis exclaimed looking out of the window.

"What?" I asked.

"It's already dark outside and it's still raining! We didn't watch television that long!" He said surprised.

I laughed, "Yeah I guess time flies when you're having fun watching television all day."

We ordered a pizza considering it was a bit late to cook. We finished the rest of our night playing video games and eating pizza. It was nice to have a lazy day for once in a while. It was really stressful having to be somewhere almost everyday. I know, that's what comes with fame but sometimes you just wish you could take a break. But I still don't regret a thing.

Soon enough we were getting ready to sleep, we could barely keep our eyes open. Even though all we did today was lounge around we were still exhausted. 

Louis and I were walking up the stairs until he asked, "Who's room?" 

I shrugged, "Doesn't matter to me." 

I know that sounds dirty but it really isn't. We sometimes sleep in my room or his room, sometimes even the couch if we crash watching a movie which is quite often. 

Louis took the lead to my room for some reason, however I didn't really care. Entering into my bedroom, we both layed down on the bed without saying a word. We layed in the light considering no one turned off the light. It was quiet and we both knew what was on each other's minds.

"NOT IT!" Louis and I screamed in unison.

We both groaned until I said, "But I turned off the light last night!" I complained.

"So! I'm older, respect your elders Harold." Louis teased as he stuck out his tounge. 

"This is my room and my rules." I said making up excuses.

"I'm shorter." He said. 

I turned to him furrowing my eyebrows, "What does that have to do with anything?" I questioned. 

"That means you have longer legs and can get to the light faster so I think you should turn it off." He said putting up a weak argument.

I rolled my eyes, "Fine I'll turn it off but not because you won but because I am tired and I want to sleep." I said mumbled. 

"Whatever helps you sleep at night Haz." He said snickering from the bed.

I sighed and walked around clothes and shoes on the floor and turned off the switch. I walked back to the bed and almost tripped but thankfully not. I made it back to the bed and I quickly got under the blankets.

As soon as I layed down, Louis snuggled into my side. My breathing grew uneven as it always did when we were this incredibly close. It's scary how he never ceases to get a girly reaction out of me.

I felt his breathing go up and down my neck which caused me to get goosebumps.

I wonder what goes through his mind all day and night. Does he even realize how intimate we act, or does this all seem normal to him as if it was something like brushing his teeth? I wonder if he was really oblivious to all this. How normal bestfriends don't cuddle at night, call each other loving pet names, and give each other kisses. On the cheek and head of course.

Despite all these actions, I know we aren't in a relationship. Some days I'm so close to forgetting that all we are is bestfriends. However I never can forget. It's always lingering, the thought that we will never be anything more than just bestfriends. I guess that's what's painful the most.

"Haz?" Louis whispered in my ear.

I jumped slightly being broken from my thoughts, "Hm?" was all I said in return.

"You're so tense, what's wrong?" He asked concerned.

I didn't even realize how tense I was. "Nothing just a lot on my mind is all." I replied trying to sound okay.

I felt his fingers guide my head to look at him. I saw his bright blue eyes scanning my face from the light shining from the lightposts lining the street. My breathing grew rapidly as he gave me this look. He knew I wasn't okay.

"Bullshit." He whispered, "Tell me."

I began to sweat and shake as those words left his mouth. Should I tell him? Once I do, there's no taking it back. Whatever happens happens. I don't want to tell him but his eyes were searching my face for any clues, almost pleading for me to tell him.

I felt the bed shift as I heard a click as light illuminated the room from the lamp on our bedside table. Louis sat up in my bed and looked at me expectantly.

I blushed as my heart rate increased. He was determined wasn't he?

"Haz," he whimpered giving me sad eyes, "Tell me."

I ran my hands axiously through my curls and down my face. My sweating and heartbeats increased. The room insantly felt smaller and twelve times hotter. Louis was looking for answers and I wasn't sure if I was ready to give them.

"Harry?" he asked worriedly.

I looked up to meet his blue eyes and saw something I couldn't put my finger on. Was it sadness?

"Do you not trust me?" he asked his voice so small and weak.

"Goddamnit no Louis, I trust you more than myself. I just-" I stopped.

He was making this so difficult and scary.   
"You just what?" He pressed.

He was usually good about giving me my space but I guess he lost his patience.

"I-I'm scared." I stuttered.

His eyes filled with sorrow and sympathy as he scooted over to me on the bed. He sat criss cross apple sauce in front of me showing he was going to give me all of his attention.

"Scared of what?" He whispered.

I bit my lip, deciding whether to press on. Should I tell him? I can't wait any longer. If I'm ever going to tell him it should be now.

"L-Lou, I've been keeping something from you for as long as I can remember… and I don't know if I can keep it from you anymore." I whimpered.

He shook his head, "Then don't."

I sucked in a deep breath before continuing, "I don't know how this happened or why, all I know is that it did. For the past year or however long I had this feeling in me, it's almost undescribeable. Everytime I feel it, it's like I feel whole and whatever it is, it's worth anything." I paused to see his confused expression, "I know I might not be making sense and I'm rambling but I need to tell you something. You may hate me, oh god you may be repulsed. Just please hear me out, just-" my voice cracked, "just don't hate me,"

I had all of Louis' attention now, "I could never hate you Haz." He said leaning,giving me a hug.

I wrapped my arms around him and held onto him tightly. This may be the last time I can. There was no turning back now, anything can happen. This could be the last hug we shared and I want it to last. I buried my face into his neck scared of his reaction,

"I wouldn't be so sure Louis." I whispered.

I felt him begin to masaage my curls and it instantly calmed me a bit. Nothing would be able to fully calm me but his touch was close enough.

"You're shaking Haz." he whispered massaging my curls. "It'll be alright, tell me."

"Before I tell you can you promise me one thing?" I asked shakily.

"Of course." He said still embracing me.

"Don't leave, don't react." I paused, "Wait till I'm finished okay?" I requested.

"I promise" he stated tugging at a curl.

I took a deep breath, there's no turning back now. I'm in far too deep. It's time to tell him, whether I'm ready or not, he deserves to know.

"I think-" I stuttered against his neck "I think I'm in love with you." I whispered.

As soon as those words left my lips everything froze. I felt him stop massaging my curls and rubbing my back. He tensed and if it was possible, his heart stopped beating. It's as if everything in this room has stopped moving. The only sounds came from the few cars that were passing outside.

Louis was still hugging me but he was motionless. My heart dropped to my stomach as I am almost one hundred percent sure that means rejection. But I couldn't stop there, it's not possible. I need to tell him why, if I'm going to do this I'm going to do it right. Despite the tears beginning to form I pulled away suddenly from him and stood up from the bed. 

I instantly looked into his eyes. It was full of confusion, but mostly shock. I took a deep breath and prepared myself.

"You know what?" I said quite loudly, "I don't think! Louis, I know, I love you so fucking much it hurts me pyshically and emotionally. Everytime you do something, you can be taking a crap and it'll make my heart flutter! You have no idea what you do to me, you have this control over me no one has ever had on me! It's not like I chose this, god damnit, I didn't choose to fall in love with you! It wasn't my choice, it would never be my choice. Do you know how much it hurts, day after day to be around you and not be able to kiss the living daylights out of you, or to tell you how much I love you?!" I screamed, "You will never love me like I love you, it's not possible. I'm not even sure if I'm gay! It's just you have to come along and make everything so difficult and make me question everything I ever believed!" I belted.

I looked at him and he seemed shocked and speechless, he didn't know what to do or what to say. But that didn't matter, I wasn't done, I was just getting started.

"I don't know how I can go from being completely straight and then the next day I'm questioning if I'm gay because you are so goddamn perfect?" I scoffed, "You're the most beautiful thing I've laid eyes on! EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS PERFECT!" I screamed running out of breath, "Your hair is the fluffiest thing I've ever felt and as creepy as it sounds I want to sleep in a bed made of your fucking hair. I love it when there's nothing in it, I love it when it's messy and you just woke up. It makes you look so sexy. Your skin is flawless and I can literally touch it all day. You have no imperfections to me, everything that I see is my definition of perfection. Your eyes make me get lost multiple times. They are the prettiest blue I've witnessed, I wish I could just swim in your eyes because they are pefect just like you! Don't even get me fucking started on your lips. They're so baby pink and cute that whenever you're talking or laughing or even pouting I just want to attack them. I can never let my eyes leave because whenever you fucking talk I always zone out and stare at your lips because I love it!" I began to breathe heavily but continued nevertheless, "You're so short but I love it. I love how I can tower over you and when I hug you I can envelop all of you! I love how you rest your head underneath my chin because that's where it reaches. You smell like a fucking model, and you make my heart break and fly away so many times I can't even remember." By this point I'm screaming because these emotions have been building up inside of me for too damn long.

"You're perfect in my eyes, every single thing about you makes me melt. I kept this inside for way too fucking long and it literally was withering me away. Everyday was a struggle and little did you know I wanted to kiss you all the time. Every second I want you, I crave you and it's so scary how much you affected me. You make me so happy and whenever I feel like it's not worth it, to feel so much pain I think of you. I think of how you affected me so much and even though it's painful, I kinda love it." I began to cry as tears blurred my vision. "I love you so much Louis, and I know you don't love me back but please just please" my voice croaked, "don't leave me. Don't hate me, I wouldn't be able to live with myself." my voice cracked.

I continued, "I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU-"

I didn't even hear Louis stand up, all I heard was his voice, "God shut the fuck up Styles!" Louis said his voice cracking.

Before I could reply I felt a rough pair of lips connect with mine. The shock hit me like a tsunami however I didn't have to think twice. I immediately melted into the kiss.

His lips were soft yet rough at the same time, even though they were a bit rough, they tasted so much better than I could've imagined. I felt his hands immediately go to the back of my neck. He began to pull at some of the hair at the nape of my neck which caused me to moan. He took this opportunity to slide his tounge into my mouth. How does he know that my hair is my weak spot? 

I didn't ponder much about it as our tounges collided and I was soon to run out of breath. My lungs felt like they were about to burst but I didn't care. All I cared about was right now. 

I need this, this is what I live for.

I felt little shocks of flames run through my body and it was addictive. I never wanted to stop. 

Feeling the dominance surface, I grabbed his hips and shoved him gently yet a bit fast against the wall. His hands still tugged at my hair which caused me to groan more times than I should. I pressed my body against his as we molded into one. I felt his bare chest pressed against mine, I could feel his heartbeats coming from his chest and his irregular breathing.

His stubble would sometimes scratch my chin or my lips but it turned me on. I could feel us getting incredibly tired considering how long and fast we've been at it. However I never wanted to stop but all good things must come to an end. As we pulled away I took his bottom lip in between my teeth and tugged on it a bit. He groaned and I leaned my forehead against his which caused his head to lightly his the wall. 

Our breathing was fast paced and irregular, I felt could his breath hit my face and it only put me in a trance.

What had just happened? Am I dreaming? I searched his eyes for answers. Was he feeling regret, disgust, sorrow, sympathy? His eyes glistened and what I saw wasn't any of those things, it was lust.

As our breathing came down to almost down to normal pace. We were still so close that our lips were almost touching. Oh how much did I want to kiss him again, but I didn't want to push it. He looked deeply into my eyes before whispering. Considering how close we were his swollen lips brushed against mine as he said,

"I think I love you too."


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my fellow readers! So are you happy about last chapter? Finally right? I was kind of hoping I got more feedback! :( I was so excited for that chapter and for you guys to read it and I only got one comment. S/O to Bm1237 for commenting literally every chapter and letting me know people are in fact reading it! Please leave some comments, even if it just says 'update' it lets me know people are actually reading and voting.
> 
> Anyways, I wasn't really planning on releasing this chapter but I got it done surprisingly today so why not right? I've been a bit sick ugh, somethings going around but I still have to go to school and I have SO much hw! Anyways comment/vote! xo
> 
> -a

Harry's POV

"I think I love you too"

I couldn't breath, those words bounced off the sides of my head. He loved me too? Is this some kind of joke or dream? I wanted to pinch myself to ensure it wasn't a dream, but if it wasn't I didn't want to look stupid. So instead I blinked my eyes rapidly. Once I was done blinking, Louis was still standing right in front of me pushed up against the wall. He seemed expanctant, waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't. I mean how could you blame me?

I looked like a complete and utter fool standing here not saying a word. "Y-You what?" I asked somehow.

Louis blue eyes burned right through me as he repeated, "I love you Harry."

My heart litearlly leaped out of my chest and did at least two hundred somersaults. Is what he is saying true? Is this even possible? I don't know how to react, what to do. I was in shock or a paralysis state, how can I function is the question.

"What?" I asked again shaking my head trying to wrap my head around what he was saying.

Louis sighed impatiently, "How many times do I have to say it? Do you need me to spell it out?" He asked sassily.

"Yes." I breathed unevenly.

He just chuckled and leaned forward to my ear. I heard and felt his breathing against my ear as he whispered, "I love you too." 

From this moment on I knew I would never get tired of hearing him say that. "What? When? How?" I asked my thoughts jumbled all at the moment. 

Louis smiled lightly at me and shrugged, "I didn't really notice it until recently but remember that time you randomly decided to ignore me for like a month? I knew I had more than friendly feelings toward you because my life was absolutely miserable without you… It felt as though a part of me was missing. Having you ignore me was the most hurtful and heartbreaking thing for me. I guess it kinda showed me that I needed you and I-I loved you." He admitted.

My heart was literally breaking yet bursting at the same time and I'm trying to figure out how that's possible. I embraced Louis in a hug. He hugged me back as I said, "I'm sorry."

He didn't reply right away but when he did reply he said, "It's alright. But while we're being honest, why did you ignore me?"

I frowned because I knew exactly the reason why. I gulped and decided to tell him. I took in a breath as I said, "Well once I figured out I was in love with you, I figured you would never love me back. Everything would go wrong, and you would hate me if you ever found out. I didn't want to risk our friendship, I couldn't deal with losing you. So I decided the best way to get over you and get rid of my feelings for you was to ignore you." I laughed bitterly, "Little did I know that almost destroyed us."

Louis hugged onto me tighter, "You didn't know Haz, it's alright. I could never hate you even if I tried." 

Right now in this moment I feel on top of the world. I admitted to Louis I am in love with him. He didn't get grossed out, he accepted my love and he actually gave it back in return. Everything seems so surreal, I feel so numb to everything. It's the most incredible and undescribeable feeling I've experienced. 

I still felt like a dick because I put myself and even Louis through so much pain. It felt incredibly amazing to have this off my chest, to know things just might be okay. 

I gripped onto the back of Louis' shirt in fear that he might go however I knew deep down he would never. Louis would never hurt me. I trust him with my life.

"Haz?" Louis asked breaking the comfortable silence.

"Yeah Boo?" I asked.

"Are we, I mean, We are still Haz and Lou right? Nothing has changed, I don't want things between us to change. I don't want them to be awkward..." Louis whispered and almost pleaded, "I don't like change." 

I smiled slightly because it's like he voiced my own thoughts as well as his own. "Don't worry Lou, we are still you and me, it's alright. Let's go to bed yeah? It's getting pretty late."

Louis nodded in response as we walked back over to the bed. I instantly went under the covers because I felt cold again. I felt the bed dip on Louis' side as he got in as well.

Seconds later, I felt Louis wrap his arms around my waist and pull my back against his bare chest. I smiled although he couldn't see me. I held onto his hands that were wrapped around my chest as I felt his breathing go down my back. He snuggled his head into my neck as I felt him sigh heavily.

It's been so long, so long since I first imagined cuddling with him like this. Knowing that he loved me too, that everything might just be okay. Things were finally looking up, things seemed worth fighting for again. 

"Hey Haz?" Louis whispered into my ear causing me to shudder.

"Yeah?" I asked flipping my body over so I was now facing him.

"When did you first find out you were in love with me?" He asked softly.

I smiled just remembering about it. I was quiet for a moment before saying, "I remember the day I realized I was in love with you. Remember that day you took me to the fair? There was something about that day that made me realize you were in front of me all this time yet I was too dumb to see it. Before then I kind of began to question if I liked you more than a best bud or not. But that night" I paused and chuckled lightly, "There was something about that night where I just knew I loved you. I can't put my finger on it though." 

I could barely see him smiling in the dark, however I felt him smile against my chest as he buried his face against me.

"I'm so happy you told me." He whispered.

I smiled and leaned down to plant a soft kiss on his feathery head, "Me too. You have no idea what I went through." 

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He asked, his lips bumping against my chest making my heart rate increase.

"I was just... scared." I replied. I paused and continued, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I asked.

I felt him tighten his arms around me, "I guess I was scared as well... but I just recently figured it out..."

I nodded and rested my chin on his head. It was quiet for a few moments until Louis said goodnight.

"Goodnight Boo." I whispered.

A few moments went by before I felt him shift in my hold. Without even realizing it at first, I felt the familiar yet foreign pair of lips make its way to mine. I immediately began to kiss back until I realized it was only a peck. I felt Louis smile against my lips as he said, "I forgot I can do that whenever I want." He smirked.

My heart fluttered at those words and contact as I said, "And I guess I'll never get tired of it."

Louis slightly seemed embarassed as he buried his face in my chest again. "Goodnight Haz, I love you."

Finally those words seems real to me. "I love you too Boo, more than you ever know." 

***

The next morning I wasn't sure how I woke up. It finally felt like I got a goodnight's sleep in a while. Whenever Louis is sleeping by my side, I get a good rest. But today's was different. I woke up extremely happy, and the reason why was because the boy I loved, loved me back. 

I looked down to see Louis' head resting on my chest with his right arm slung lazily over my torso. He was snoring slightly causing me to smile tiredly. I realized my right hand was tangled in his feathery hair and my left arm was behind my head supporting it. I tried to stretch yet it was nearly impossible with him laying on me however I didn't mind, not one bit.

Not wanting to wake him up, I decided I would stay here until he did by himself. Besides, I enjoyed watching Louis, even if it was him doing absolutely nothing. Pretty soon I found my fingers playing with his hair. His hair slithered through my fingertips as I ran them through.

Soon, I felt his eyelashes flutter against my chest making it tickle. Slowly he began to move and I heard him yawn. His right hand that was resting on my torso began to go into a fist, and then spread back out, move back into a fist and spread back out. It was ticklish against my skin yet relaxing. He tilted his head so I can see his squinty blue eyes peering up at me. I smiled as he smiled up at me.

"Hey Boo, how did you sleep?" I asked whispering.

"Good" he said groggily. "How long have you been awake?" 

His morning voice was always so sexy and soothing. I wish he can sing me to sleep with it.

"Not too long don't worry." I calmed as I continued to play with his hair.

He nodded slowly as he continued to stare deep in my eyes. He didn't look away and I didn't dare to either. My breathing increased just staring at him, he was breathtakingly beautiful and I had no idea why he was blessed with such a thing. Maybe I do know why, because he's a perfect human being. 

Getting caught up in my thoughts I didn't even notice Louis leaning his head towards me slowly. Of course I eagerly reacted back as I leaned in as well. Soon enough our lips met in a slow encounter. His lips were pressed on mine for a few seconds before we started to move. It started out slow but soon it began to pick up pace.

Lightning bolts and butterflies shot around my body as I licked his bottom lip. He opened his mouth allowing me entrance as I slipped my tounge in his mouth. Getting uncomfortable in our positions he got up from my chest without breaking contact. I sat up against my headboard on the bed with my legs in a butterfly position. Louis continued to sit in between my legs and wrap his legs loosely around my waist.

My large hands cup both side of his face trying to bring more contact between us as possible. I felt Louis' hands go up to my curls and he began to tug on them tightly. I surpressed a few moans of pleasure. Soon he began to knead his hands through my curls, massaging them. This time I couldn't hold the moan that vibrated through my throat. I felt Louis smirk against my lips as our tounges connected.

After a few seconds Louis began to move again. Instead of his bum laying in between my legs on the bed, he resituated himself on top of my crotch/lap area. I felt my boxers tightening around that vacanity and I blushed however he didn't notice. Instead of his legs loosely hanging around my waist, he locked his ankles behind my back and tightened them. 

Louis lips left my mouth and I instantly grew upset but before I could complain I felt his lips touch my jaw. I gasped silently and nearly moaned at the new type of contact. He left light butterfly kisses against my jaw, down my neck. My eyes fluttered shut as he began to suck on my neck.

His lips spent little time on each areas of my neck and I figured out he was looking for my sweet spot. Louis' lips began to suck near my collar bone which caused my back to arch, pressing our chests together and making me elicit a moan. I felt him smile against my collar bone in satisfaction that he found it.

I felt him suck in the same spot with more pressure and once in a while his tounge woule swipe across the skin. I groaned from the pleasre I was receiving. My hands eagerly searched for the bedsheets but instead I grabbed Louis back and began to claw at it each time he nibbled on my skin.

Feeling a new spark of dominance I wrapped my arms underneath his thighs and pressed my chest to push him on his back on the bed. Our lips quickly met again only for me to break them. I hovered over him, resting in between his legs. However he still had his legs locked behind my back, I was hovering over him.

My lips found their way to his ear as I whispered groggily, "You're so beautiful."

That only caused Louis to tighten his leg grip around my waist causing me to feel his crotch against my stomach. I groaned lightly as my lips connected with his neck.

Trying to find his sweet spot, I quickly sucked on different parts of his neck. I was failing however, a minute in I received a groan. I smirked as I sucked aggressively on that part of his neck. This caused Louis to buck his hips into my stomach which caused me to growl. His fingers tugged on my hair which turned me on incredibly so. I bit on his sweet spot a few times and when I was done, I licked the spot sweetly. 

I ran my fingertips up and down his toned chest and small tummy as our lips quickly reconnected. Our tounges instantly met once again however I quickly found myself losing breathing. Forcing myself, I pulled away and leaned my forehead down on his. I let my heavy breathing hit his face, I saw a few hairs fly away as I did so. 

"Let's get something to eat babe." I said pecking his lips.

He pouted a bit which caused me heart to swell. Because I can, I took his bottom pouty lip in between my teeth and tugged on them a bit.

"Why the fuck did you wait so long to tell me your love for me?" He asked turned on.

I smirked at him as we headed downstairs to the kitchen.

"What do you want to eat?" I asked him as I searched through the cabinents for ideas.

Louis was quiet for a few moments but replied, "Cookies!" once entering the kitchen.

I shut the cabinent and looked at him while raising an eyebrow, "Cookies?" I asked skeptically.

He nodded.

"It's what," I looked over to the time on the oven, "ten in the morning and you want to make cookies?" I asked confirming.

He smiled and nodded, "Yep."

I rolled my eyes but smiled nevertheless, I sighed, "You know I can never say no to you." I mumbled guiltly.

I felt arms wrap around my waist and Louis chin rested on my shoulder. His chest leaned forward on my back as he whispered, "I like that about you." 

I shivered as I said, "Of course you do, it benefits you!" 

He chuckled and pressed a kiss to my shoulder causing me to receive goosebumps. He let go and hopped on the counter near the stove.

"Well since I'm shit in the kitchen I'll stay up here then." He said using his excuses.

"You can stir the better once I get it prepped" I suggested.

He sighed heavily yet agreed anyways.

I pre heated the oven, and grabbed the ingredients.

"Hey Lou?" I asked while continuing to cook.

"Hm?" He replied.

"We're going to tell the lads right?" I asked thinking it was obvious.

"Of course!" He said.

I nodded still having another question in my mind however I didn't ask yet. I continued to add more ingredients only to stop.

"What about the fans?" I asked.

He remained quiet once I brought up the fans. It worried me a bit so I turned around to face him. He was kicking his feet that dangled off the counter while he looked at his hands that were placed neatly in his lap.

"Lou?" I asked getting his attention as his head looked up, "Are you embarassed to tell people about me?" I asked carefully.

His eyes went a bit wide and he shook his head no a bit too verociously, "No! Of course not! Harry geeze! Me? Embarassed? With you? No! It's just" He sighed, "I don't think I'm ready to tell everyone." He whispered.

I nodded agreeing, "Good for a second I thought you were embarassed of me." I said feeling relieved.

He chuckled lightly, "Of course not Haz, I'm just not ready for that big announcement ya know?" 

I nodded understandingly, "To be honest, I don't think I am either..." I admitted.

He smiled lightly, "So we keep this on the down low for now? Alright?" He asked.

I nodded my head agreeing, "Of course." 

"I guess we can tell family and the lads but not too many friends. Like of course you can tell Ed and stuff but I mean not too many. It's easy for this type of stuff to spread I assume." He informed.

I nodded thinking that's what is best. "Can I tell Caroline?" I asked just remembering about her.

His nose scrunched up and all I wanted to do was boop his nose yet I wanted to know why he was making that face, "What?" I asked.

"Caroline?" He asked with a hint of disgust in his tone, "Why her? I thought you guys broke up?" He asked sounding jealous.

I smirked, "Are you jealous Boo?" 

"No!" He instantly defended, "But it's my desicion too! I decide who gets to know!" 

I just smiled knowing he was lying so I walked up to him and stood in between his legs. "Of course you aren't" I stood up on my tip toes and whispered in his ear.

"I'm not." he pouted and crossed his arms.

"Besides," I stated, "I never really liked her anyways more than a friend." I said casually.

He rose his eyebrow in confusion, "Then why were you dating her?" He asked.

My face turned a deep shade of red, "I kind of was using that as a back up plan." I chuckled, "If I couldn't get over my feelings for you by ignoring you and pushing them away, I decided to try and find someone else to love to help me forget about you." He smiled a bit knowing it wasn't a legit relationship, "I mean she's a nice woman but it was so difficult lying to her because of how sweet she is. So I eventually broke down and told her the day of Liam's barbecue. The weirdest part was, she was alright with it! Yeah she was a little upset but she mainly felt sorry for me. She even knows I love you, she's actually been helping me trying to get me to tell you. Boy will she be excited once I tell her," I paused and looked at Louis, "that is," I paused, "if you let me tell her." I said looking at him expectantly.

He sighed dramatically and said, "I mean I guess you can tell her." 

I smiled and kissed his nose, "Thanks Boo, now help me stir this cookie dough so I can put them in the oven." I instructed handing him the bowl.

He sighed but he still complied. He began to stir the dough as I prepped a cookie sheat to place the cookies on.

"When should we tell the lads?" I asked.

"Today!" he exclaimed, "I can't wait!" 

I chuckled and said, "Well we're going to need more cookies!" I said grabbing another package from the container.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the long time for an update! I hope you can forigve me! I was working really hard to try and bring up my C's and D in school oops! I have all A's and B's but still have that stupid D. That's where I've been, trying hard for school... hope you can forgive me!
> 
> Not my proudest chapter but it's happy so hopefully you'll forgive me! Please, I ask you with everything in me to comment/vote! I love you all so much and if you needed someone to tell you that, I love you :* xo
> 
> -a

Harry's POV

Currently, Louis and I are sat in a car driving on our way to Liam's. We told the rest of the boys to meet us there as well. They don't really suspect much, they just think that we are going to be hanging out with them considering we haven't in a while. 

I tightly held onto the cookies in my lap that we baked for the lads. Louis and I ate only a few however I have a feeling him and I will eat more later. I asked Louis to drive considering how nervous and jittery I was about telling the boys. I think Louis noticed because I felt his hand soothingly rest on my thigh.

I looked up at him and smiled softly. He smiled back trying to keep his eyes trained on the road. Just his touch was enough to calm me down, however I was still a tad nervous. It's quite a miracle, the effect he has on me. He massaged my thigh a bit which caused my heartbeat to return to normal. It was warm where his hand was placed as I let out a long breath.

"It's alright Haz. I'm sure they won't mind at all!" He said trying to cheer me up, "They are our best friends, they'll have our backs no matter what." 

I shrugged lightly. He does have a point, they'll accept us I'm sure of it. They will love us. Besides, Liam already knows that I am in love with Louis since the time I told him at Nandos. However I didn't tell him that I told Louis... I didn't tell anyone yet, not even Caroline. I wonder how shocked he'll be if he is at all. 

Since I already told Liam, I'm only worried about Zayn and Niall's approval. I was about to go deeper into thought but I got cut off fromy my thoughts when the car stopped and Louis turned off the engine.

I looked up from the baked goods in my lap to see Liam's flat. It was a relatively sunny day outside with a few rain clouds hovering in the sky. Just seeing Niall and Zayn's car parked in the driveway got me nervous again. 

However I felt a familiar hand entwine with mine and I instantly felt at ease once again. I smiled unwillingly as I looked up to Louis. He gave me a reassuring nod before getting out of the car. I followed his lead up the stairs to the front door.

"Remember Haz, they will love us no matter what. Don't tell them right away though alright? Let's get them calmed down first, especially Niall and Zayn." Louis reminded chuckling.

I nodded and gulped as he knocked on the door. I heard the television blaring from inside the flat and Niall yelling as well. Within a minute Liam appeared at the doorway looking at us with a smile on his face.

"Hello lads!" He said bringing us in for a hug. 

"Hi" Louis and I said back as we stepped inside.

Liam shut the door behind us. Liam's flat was identical to Louis' and mine considering we live in the same community. The familiar scent of the cinnamon flat filled my nostrils. Liam's home really felt like a home to me. It always smelt so welcoming and felt so... homey. 

"We baked cookies." I said sheepishly handing over the plate of warm chocolate chip cookies.

Liam smiled and gladly took them. "Thanks boys!" He began to walk towards the kitchen and living room, "The rest of the lads are playing video games in here" He said.

We followed him into the house and in the living room. Liam placed our cookies on the counter and I spotted Niall and Zayn playing FIFA. They were pretty intense and into the game and barely heard us walk in.

"Boys Harry and Louis are here!" Liam announced trying to get their attention.

With a bit of luck Niall grunted in response. Zayn however said, "Ello boys, once second alright I'm whooping Niall's arse!" He said in deep concentration.

"Oi!" Niall protested, "Shut up Zayn, no you're not! I will destroy you!" He raged hitting the buttons harder.

I just laughed at the two boys as Liam, Louis and I walked passed the television screen to take a seat on the living room couches.

"Ay! Move your fat arses out of the way, you're making me lose!" Niall whined.

Zayn chuckled as he said, "Niall I think you're losing pretty well on your own."

Niall barely even had time to give Zayn a death stare so instead he said, "Oh Zayn I outta-" 

"ANYWAYS!" Liam said trying to break up the mini feud, "How have you boys been? I felt like I haven't seen you two in forever even though it's been like three days." 

Louis shrugged, "All has been well, we've been trying to catch up on sleep." Louis leaned back into the couch and propped his feet lazily on the coffee table, "This tour has me whipped." 

Liam snorted, "Tell me about it. What about you Harry?" He asked me.

I yawned a bit and stated, "I'm so tired and exhausted. I'm surprised I'm even awake right now." I admitted.

"I know why I'm awake." Liam stated rolling his eyes at Zayn and Niall yelling at each other.

I smiled. We made small talk until Zayn and Niall were done with their match. Zayn ended up winning however he still kind of lost in the end because Niall gave him a wedgie as payback.

"So boys what do you want to do?" Zayn asked as everything settled down.

I bit my lip and was about to speak until Louis beat me to it, "Well actually Harry and I have something to tell you guys..." Louis spoke slowly.

They all raised their eyebrows at Louis' cautioness tone. Niall nodded his head as an indication for him to continue. Louis looked at me for permission to continue as I just nodded slowly and took in a deep breath.

"Um, Harry and I-" he started but froze up, "We're kinda... dating?" Louis said but came out as more of a question.

I saw Niall's jaw drop in shock, Liam just kind of blank stared at us in disbelief and Zayn was hard to read. It was quiet for a few moments until Zayn said,

"You're joking right?" He said trying to laugh at it however even he knew we weren't.

I shook my head and said, "No. We aren't joking... we actually are together." I said looking at Louis.

Louis had this look in his eyes as if he were to say that he was proud of me. He didn't need to say it to tell me, I just knew he was. He smiled at me as I smiled back. He took the intiative to lace his fingers with mine and I instantly felt warm and knew everything was going to be fine. 

We turned our attention back to the other lads. Liam was the next to speak up, "Harry you told him?" Liam questioned.

I nodded, "Yeah I did." 

"Wait what?" Niall asked confused, "What do you mean you told him?"

I blushed slightly however Liam said, "Harry told me a while back that he was in love with Louis he was just too scared to tell anyone, especially Louis." He said looking directly at me.

"Liam knows?" Louis asked looking at me.

I nodded sheepishly.

"Why didn't you tell us?!" Zayn exclaimed.

"Yeah! Why Liam?!" Niall scoffed, "He's nothing special!" 

"Hey!" Liam said offended, "I'll have you know, I'm more responsible than either of you two combined! He trusts me!" He huffed.

They all looked at me waiting for an explanation. I sighed, "I don't know. Liam was just there when I lashed out, I was tired of keeping it all bottled up. I mean I needed to tell someone, anyone really. Liam just happened to be there at the time and I told him, no big deal." I said shrugging.

Louis squeezed my hand and I smiled down at our hands. Niall sighed heavily before saying, "Alright I guess I forgive you. But um... are you like gay? Since when?" He questioned towards either me or Louis.

I paused to see if Louis wanted to answer first however we were greeted with silence. I took this as my lead to start, "I mean, I'm not gay. Like I still fancy women and find them attractive it's just. I never felt this way about another boy before so that's why it's been quite strange for me..." I stated staring to his pretty blue eyes. "I guess it's just Louis... there's something about him."

He smiled at me and gave my hand yet another squeeze. "As for me, I'm not gay. I guess you can consider me bi. Whoever I love, it doesn't matter I guess. And that just happens to be Harry." He said smiling at me.

I felt my heart swell from Louis saying he loved me. 

"What about Caroline though? I thought you loved her." Zayn asked raising an eyebrow.

I sighed heavily, "Long story short, I was using her to try and get over Louis, it didn't work. I told her the truth, she understood and she's been pressuring me to tell Louis ever since. In fact, I need to tell her I told him after I'm done here." I said in one go.

"Woah woah woah! One thing at a time lad!" Niall exclaimed, "This is so much information to process at once! I think my head is spinning."

"Drama queen." Zayn scoffed.

Liam ignored the two boys and turned to us, "Are you going to tell the fans?" 

Louis and I looked at each other and as Louis continued to stare at me he said "No. We decided we aren't ready yet." He looked to Liam, "Not yet."

They nodded their heads in understanding, "What about your family and friends?" Niall asked.

"Only close friends and yeah our families I guess..." I answered.

Louis nodded his head in agreement as it fell silent. It was an uncomfortable silence and I assumed the three boys were just trying to process the information. A minute went by before I couldn't take it any longer.

"So you guys aren't mad?" I asked still nervous.

"No we're not at all mad..." Zayn paused, "Just shocked?" He said more like a question.

Niall shook his yes in agreement, "Yeah, definitely shocked."

Liam just stared at the two boys before saying, "Not me! I saw it coming from miles away!" He exclaimed.

I chuckled while Zayn and Niall both groaned saying things like, "Shut up Liam. No one cares. Stop rubbing it in."

"We baked cookies?" Louis suggested.

I looked down at Louis admiring him. His feathery hair swept to the side in an untidy yet lovely way. His tanned skin looked so irresitibly perfect I could just touch it. His eyes found mine and I couldn't look away. His blue eyes always put me in a magical trance and even though it should freak me out, it didn't. I loved it. 

"Harry if you'll stop eye raping Louis for two seconds, I want some cookies." Niall said.

"Get used to it, they're probably going to do it all the time now." Zayn said causing Niall to groan.

"Just give me cookies." He replied talking to anyone who will get him cookies.

We all chuckled as we got off the couch and went into Liam's kitchen. We unwrapped the cookies that were on the plate as we all sat on a stool that was by the counter. Louis and I didn't eat too many considering we already just ate a ton of cookies back at our flat plus the extra dough. However the boys were devouring the cookies. 

"These are so good!" Liam exclaimed with his mouth full.

Louis and I chuckled as I lightly nibbled on one, "Good. We used them to warm up to you guys before we told you." I mentioned.

Zayn held up a finger in the air motioning that he wanted to say something but he needed to swallow his food. "Honestly boys, like we don't mind that you guys are together! You're still the same boys!" 

I smiled at this encouragement and before I said something Niall piped up, "Yeah like Zayn said, we don't care. Just um... no snogging and acting all coupley in front of us." Niall requested.

Louis chuckled and said, "I don't know guys, Harry's very touchy."

I blushed slightly as a few eyes trained on me. I threw my hands up in defense, "I'm a cuddler what can I say?" 

"Yeah yeah curly, just none of that in front of us." Liam said rolling his eyes reaching for another cookie.

I rolled my eyes as we made small talk. I was extremely happy the rest of the boys accepted us, deep down I had a feeling they would though. Knowing that I had my best friend's support was amazing and I honestly feel like this is all a dream. That I will wake up tomorrow and find out, I didn't have the balls and tell Louis. That he still doesn't know and he never loved me back all along. Everything seems to be working out and it seems surreal.

Things are looking up and it makes me excited for what the future has in store. Like maybe things will actually go the way I want it to? I feel in control. 

Although it was morning we finished eating cookies and played a board game. Yeah you'd think celebrities would be out on a yatch. Nah, we are indoors on Liam's living room floor playing Sorry. In the end Zayn won because he uses tatics apparently. I don't know, his words not mine.

As we finished the game I sat against the couch and whipped out my phone as the other boys were cleaning up. I decided to text Caroline because I was more than eager to tell her.

To Caroline:

Hey! Can you meet me today?x

Within two minutes she responded,

From Caroline: 

Sure what for? 

To Caroline:

I'll tell you when I see you, wanna meet at the coffee shop down the street?

From Caroline:

Of course, when?

To Caroline:

thirty minutes?

From Caroline:

alright see you soon

Smiling and feeling excited I put my phone away. I sat back and relaxed against the couch before Louis came up and sat beside me.

"What are you so smiley about Haz?" Louis asked curiously.

I smiled up at him and said, "Everything I guess. Finally I feel so... complete? I mean I got the biggest secret off my chest and it was the best thing I ever done." I started grabbing Louis' small hand in mine, "And my best friends accept us and I was so scared... for nothing." I couldn't wipe the smile off my face even if I tried. 

Louis looked at me and smiled. He didn't reply but just smiled simply at me. I smiled back not able to control it. I felt so happy. For the first time in a long time.

I didn't know how to describe it. It's like something opened up in my life, it's just that one day I didn't have this... amazing thing. Now I have it, whatever it is. I don't want to let this part of my life go, not ever. I never felt like this, and it's incredible. 

Soon enough the boys called us back into the kitchen after they finished cleaning up the board game. I informed them that I was going to meet Caroline at the cafe down the street. Louis or any of the boys didn't seem to mind. Louis said he was going to head back home and I even offered for him to come. He said he was a bit tired and he wanted to go home and relax. I told him I'd be home within the next two hours.

Soon we all parted our ways as I walked down the street to the cafe. Since it was a bit sunny I got a little sweaty but it was alright, nothing can bring me down at this moment. I kept my head low in case any fans were lingering around. As much as I love them, right now I'm too excited to tell Caroline. 

As I approached the cafe I saw Caroline's car parked at one of the parking spots in front of the cafe. I smiled and giggled like a little girl as I walked into the cafe. The little bell dinged and one of the waitresses greeted me, knowing me as a usual customer. I scanned the booths and spotted Caroline at one in the back.

I walked towards the booth and she saw me approaching and gave me a big smile. "Hey Harry!" She said standing up and embracing me in a hug.

I hugged her back and I instantly smelled her perfume. It smelled good and comforting as we both took a seat on opposite sides of the booth.

"So" She started relaxing into the booth, "What did you call me here for so mysteriously?"

I broke out in a smile just thinking about it. She eyed me curiously getting a hint of suspision. I didn't reply to her, instead I just kept the smile plastered on my face. She cocked her head to the side seeming confused. 

"What's got you so happy Styles?" She asked.

I just kept on smiling seeing if she could figure it out. She looked at me skeptically until she said, "Does it have to do with Louis? Because you only get that little sparkle in your eyes when you think about him" She said getting closer.

My smile grew larger if that was even possible. Her eyes bulged and her mouth hung up as she gasped. She threw her hand over her mouth,

"You didn't?!" She paused and waited for a reaction. I smiled bigger and she squealed, "YOU SO DID!" 

I started laughing and she smacked me with a menu, "You did! Didn't you?" 

I couldn't control my laughter because she started spazzing out and squealing as we received weird looks from dining customers. "HE TOTALLY LOVES YOU BACK! DOESN'T HE?! YOU WOULDN'T BE SO SMILEY OTHERWISE OH MY GOD!" She exclaimed.

I blushed and stopped giggling as she eyed me, "...Maybe..." I replied sheepishly.

"Aw Harry!" She said reaching over the table and giving me the biggest hug. "I knew it! I so knew it! Didn't I tell you? I so told you!" 

Yes, I concluded. Things are looking up for me and I couldn't be happier than I am right now in this very moment.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHITBALLS, this update took twenty billion years I know! I am super sorry, it was homecoming week and I am so busy. I still have so much hw due tmw and it's 8 but I'm not even done. I just wanted to get this out damn. 
> 
> This chapter sucks but make sure to read the author's note at the end, it's kinda important. Updates are taking forevs because of school and it's not helping that my friend got me obsessed with The Vampire Diaries. Comment please! xo :)
> 
> -a

Harry's POV

I smiled walking back to Louis and I's flat. I just was returning from informing Caroline that I told Louis I was in love with him. She reacted very excitedly and we almost got kicked out because she wouldn't lower her voice. I couldn't stop laughing and when I told her we were a couple she literally lost her marbles. At that point we got kicked out and had to go across the street to another restaurant. However she didn't care because she was so happy for me.

It's amazing how I can be so horrible to her by using her and she's so happy for me. Caroline truly is an amazing friend and I'm lucky she even forgave me in the slightest. She promised she wouldn't tell anyone because we decided for now we would only tell friends and family. 

She agreed that is was the right thing to take it slow and only tell people close to us. She said to let us get used to the fact that we are dating and then think about taking it further. Caroline usually is always right so I decided it'd be best to pass on this advice to Louis as well.

I texted Louis that I was on my way home and he replied saying he couldn't wait because he was bored. Typical, he always needs to be doing something.

Entering the flat, I put my keys in the bowl next to the door and kicked off my shoes.

"Louis!" I called walking inside, "I'm home!" 

I heard thumping coming from upstairs and soon enough I saw Louis trotting down the stairs. He had a smile on his face as he ran up to me and hugged me.

"You're home!" He exclaimed.

I laughed and wrapped my arms around him. He buried his nose in my curls as I said, 

"Lou, I was only gone for like an hour." I said chuckling.

"So!" He pouted, "I was bored and I'm hungry!" He whined.

I pulled away and said, "How about we get some subs and come back and watch television?" I asked being too lazy to cook anything or do anything for that matter.

"Sounds good!" He said smiling, "But do I have to change?" He asked.

I observed his outfit. He was wearing his usual basketball shorts and a t shirt and was wearing long black socks. I figured he would just wear his sneakers with it or something. He looked perfect and I can't believe he actually has feelings for me. Everytime I see him, it reminds me of how lucky I actually am.

I smiled and leaned forward to plant a small kiss on his nose, "You're perfect, no you don't have to change." I said.

He blushed and looked down at his feet. 

"In fact let me change because I want to wear something comfortable." I said.

After I changed into some sweat pants, a white t shirt and sneakers we were ready to go. Instead of driving we decided to walk because we were in no rush. Plus it was getting dark and it was no longer hot and it was cooling down.

We were careful walking around however we were risking our cover by holding hands. It got me a bit nervous but we did it anyways. We can both agree it was a risk.

As we approached the subway we unlinked our entwined hands and entered. It was empty besides an ederly couple in the corner. We walked up to worker and ordered our subs. I just went with a meatball sub and Louis went with a turkey. We grabbed our drinks and subs and headed back on our way. 

I held the bag of subs with my right hand and I held Louis' hand in my left. As we were chatting and walking back happily to the flat my eyes wandered over to the familiar park.

"Oh Lou!" I said cutting him off. He stopped talking as I pointed to the park, "Look! We haven't been here in ages!" I exclaimed.

I looked at him and he smiled dragging me over closer to the park, "It's been like years it feels like!" He said smiling.

"Try about two years." I said making it clear for him.

He scoffed, "Well either way it's been too long!" 

We used to come to this park almost every day when we first moved into this community. It had a beautiful lake, a swingset and a few other playground play sets. What we liked about this park was that it was never crowded. Everytime we came here there was only about two children with their parents. The only time it was crowded was the day of a kid celebrating a birthday party. That was about it. 

We used to come here just to sit and talk. Sometimes we would sit on the bench, other days by the swings or on the slide. But nothing compared to our special spot.

"Cmon Haz! Let's go to our tree!" He exclaimed gripping on my hand and almost making me drop our subs.

I chuckled as we raced down the hill to reach our special but not so secretive spot. The tree was fairly large. The height of it was pretty ginormous and the width was a relatively good size. Louis began to climb the trunks with ease as he heaved himself up to the lowest branch. He swung his foot around and wrapped his legs securely to the thick branch. He stopped and looked down at me.

"Lets go Harry! What are you waiting for?" He asked.

I laughed, "Um well it's been like two years since I climbed this tree!" I said.

He rolled his eyes, "So neither have I! It's not hard, cmon!" He pushed.

"Plus I have our subs!" I retaliated.

"It's alright, we'll eat them up here!" He began to climb higher, "Cmon slow poke you're wasting time!"

I shook my head and sighed heavily as I walked to the base of the tree. Of course, it's Louis. I can never say no to him, no matter how hard I try. I don't even fight it anymore.

"Here take this." I mumbled in defeat as I held up the bag of subs.

He smirked as he leaned down on the branch and grabbed them out of my hands. I rubbed my hands together and took in a breath as I grabbed the lowest sturdy branch. I hung on it like a monkey and began to walk up the tree with my feet. Once my feet were close enough to the branch I swung them tightly around the branch. I lifted myself up onto the branch securely and safely.

"See Haz, you got it." Louis cheered.

I chuckled as I looked up at him. He was about four branches higher than me. "Looks like you had no trouble getting up there."

"Nope, not one! Now hurry up you are so slow." He whined.

I giggled lightly as I heaved my way up the tree to get to where Louis was situated. Finally I got to the same branch where he was. He had to scoot over so we had room. He wrapped his legs around the branch and leaned his back against the base of the tree. I scooted a bit back and wrapped my legs securely around the branch in a straddle.

"You made it." He congragulated.

"I deserve an award." I boasted.

He scoffed as he dug in the subway bag, "How about a sub?" He suggested handing it to me.

I sighed, "It will have to do." I said.

He smiled as he took out his sub as well. The space in between us, we used as a table. I placed my sub that was wrapped in a paper on the thick branch we were sitting on. Soon enough I was able to dig into my sub. It was delicous and still warm.

It was a bit silent as we ate our subs until Louis said, "You know," He said wiping some crumbs off his face, "We are dating and we haven't even been on a date together." 

I smirked as I took another bite of my sub. I nodded my head, "Yeah I guess you're right..." I paused, "Do you want to?" I asked.

"Want to what?" He asked.

I scoffed, "Don't play dumb with me Tomlinson." 

He smirked evilly, "I don't know what you're talking about." He said sticking his nose in the air.

I huffed as I repeated clearly, "Do you want to go on a first date with me?" I paused, "Officially?"

A smile went across his face as he pretended to scratch his head as if he was thinking.

"Oh cut it out Lou!" I said lightly shoving his shoulder.

He just laughed as he said, "Of course Haz!" 

I blushed lightly as I took a bite of my sub. He began to eat as well. 

"Hey Harry?" Louis spoke.

I looked up at him motioning for him to continue while eating.

"Can you tell me what those tattoos mean now?" He said motioning to my 'Things I can' and Things I can't' tattoos on my arms. 

I paused from eating my sandwhich to think back as to why I got them. I nodded as I started, "Well remember the night I got them? We got into a fight I think and I was angry and confused and hurt and mainly broken. I knew I wanted a tattoo for the longest time but I never knew what to get. I mean you were a big part of my life and back then I was almost one hundred percent sure you and I would never happen." I sighed, "So I got Things I Can and Things I Can't. I guess you can say I got it out of emotional actions but I mean it mainly all relates back to you." I paused, "Sorry I didn't tell you earlier."

He was quiet for a moment, "Wow." He paused, "I didn't know you were going through that much pain just to... think you were doing the right thing." 

I scoffed, "Some smart moves I had back then huh?" I asked sarcastically.

He nodded and smirked, "Don't worry Haz, it's all in the past." 

I nodded agreeing with him, "I suppose you're right." I sighed.

"Aren't I always?" He asks grinning.

I shook my head in disbelief. "Did you ever want a tattoo?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Nah not really. I mean they look good on other people but I don't think the whole tattoo thing is for me." He explained.

I nodded understandingly. I took another bite of my sub and with a full mouth I asked, "Well if you had to get one what would it be of?" I asked.

He looked up at the sky in thought until he said quickly, "I would only really think about getting one if it was dear to my heart and held some good meaning. Or maybe if someone I love passed I would get a tattoo in remembrance of them." 

"Seems pretty logical to me." I replied.

Louis was about to say something else until he got cut off by a feminine gasp coming from below us. We both snapped our heads to the sound and saw a girl about twelve or thirteen staring up at us with wide eyes down on the floor. I figured she was a fan so I said,

"Hello!" 

She blinked twice as if to regain her surroundings before she stuttered, "H-Hi, y-you're-" I cut her off.

"I'm Harry, yep and that's Louis." I said pointing to Louis who was now smiling and waving.

"Ello!" Louis chirped.

She looked up at us in awe until she said, "I just want to say I love you guys so much and what are you guys doing up in a t-tree?"

Louis shrugged and said, "Why aren't you in a tree?" 

This caused the girl to laugh nervously. "Um do you mind- I mean only if you want to!" She quickly added, "I mean like a p-picture?"

I chuckled and said, "Of course you can silly!" 

I began to descend the tree as quickly as I could and I hit the floor standing upright on my feet. I brushed off the back of my pants and when I looked up at her she seemed scared or nerous. I felt terrible and I pulled her in for a bear grasping hug. 

"You're shivering!" I exclaimed, "Don't be scared!" I said rubbing her back.

I heard Louis come up beside me as he whispered into her ear, "He doesn't realize how big he is compared to other people."

Her arms wrapped around my waist as she laughed nervously. I playfully sent glares to Louis as he just shrugged.

"I'm not that big I swear." I mumbled as I pulled away from the hug.

"Oh alright Haz," Louis scoffed, "You're like a skyscraper." 

I rolled my eyes at how silly Louis is being and I turned to our fan I can assume. "How about that picture?" I asked politely.

"Oh yes!" She said fumbling with her phone. Within seconds she was ready to take a picture.

"Would you like me to get a picture of you and Harry here and then Harry can get one of us?" Louis suggested.

"That'd be w-wonderful!" She said getting less nervous.

Louis smiled and took her cellphone and stood back to take a picture. I pulled her into my side and leaned to my right a bit. I smiled and as I heard the click of the camera go off I gave her a hug and walked to grab her phone. I quickly got a picture of Louis and our fan and handed back her phone to her.

"It was lovely meeting you!" Louis stated.

She fiddled her thumbs as she said, "You guys too! But um... if it's not too much to ask can I get just a picture of you two together?" She asked timidly.

I furrowed my eyebrows and stole a glance at Louis. He looked slightly confused too. "You mean just like of me and Louis?" I asked motioning to us.

She nodded her head, "I know that's a bit weird but just of you two. Is that okay?" She asked for approval.

I kept my eyebrows furrowed but we agreed nonetheless. I walked up to Louis and wrapped my arm around his slim waist. Louis and I smiled to the camera as she took the picture. When she put her phone down, before I could pull away Louis pinched my bum.

"Lou!" I squealed as I grabbed my bottom.

He just laughed in return and said, "Is that it babe?"

I shook my head in disbelief as she replied, "Perfect, you guys are so nice! Thank you!" She smiled and gave us one last hug.

We told her it was no big deal and soon enough she left.

We decided that it was time go because it was getting late. We walked back to our flat and as we we entered it was still dark inside. I let Louis enter first and as soon as I shut the door behind me, I felt myself being pushed up against the door.

"Finally." I heard Louis whisper his face close to mine.

I was about to reply until I felt his lips hungrily attack mine.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello omg so this whole chapter is smut smut smut off da walls. Okay so if you're not comfortable with smut just give it a try, if not don't read it I guess? I mean I'm not the best at writing smut so please bear with me on this.
> 
> So I said this chapter might've been the last chapter but I lied, next chapter will be the last! I decided to give you guys smut before I end the first book. So here ya go! Enjoy and leave comments below if it was good so that way I know to add it in the second book.xo
> 
> (Ps. I have an infatuation with larry grinding smut so there's alot of that) oops -a

arry's POV

"Finally" I heard Louis whisper his face close to mine.

I was about to reply until I felt his lips hungrily attack mine.

**

The second I felt his lips pressed against mine, I smiled. As instinct my hand found their way behind his back and the other wrapped firmly around his neck. Our lips were a bit timid at first, not knowing the boundaries and how far to take it. Taking the lead I flicked my tounge on his bottom lip signaling him to open his lips. My tounge slipped into his mouth and I soon met his wet tounge with my own.

Just the touch of his mouth on mine was enough to make me spiral out of control. My feelings were bouncing off the walls at the moment. Suddenly I felt his chest bump into mine causing my back to hit the door again roughly. He wrapped one arm around my back and the other found its way into my hair.

I moaned as he kneaded his fingers through my curls. He always knew my weak spot. Despite the height difference, I felt Louis' hands travel down my body to the back of my thighs. I felt my feet being lifted off the floor. I used this time to jump a bit as I wrapped my legs securely around Louis' waist. Altough he was tinier than me, he was very strong.

I wrapped both of my arms around his neck tightly, nearly choking him as our lips and tounge were still connected. To help hold me up, he pressed his chest against mine once again so he can hold my weight between his body and the door. I helped him by locking my ankles around his lower back. My hands went to the back of his neck and forcefully pushed his face any closer if possible.

The kiss was getting sloppy, needy almost. Sometimes our tounges would slip out of the other's mouth only to be sucked back in. I took my hands away from his neck and I slid them down his back. I found the hem of his shirt and I slipped my hands underneath them. I began to lightly scratch his back causing him to shudder and get goosebumps.

I began to slide down his body from lack of being held properly and Louis took this as an intiative to bounce me back up properly around his waist. This movement caused our groins to buck against each other causing more sexual tension in the room.

We both ended up groaning causing the other to get completely turned on. 

"Go upstairs." I whispered breathlessly against his lips.

Louis took no time as he wrapped his arms under my thighs tighter and began to walk us upstairs. We nearly tripped twice but everytime he regained his balance. As he hurridely found his way to my room he dropped me back onto the bed. Almost instantly our lips were pressed back together as he leaned over my body to kiss me.

Without breaking lip lock, I felt his hands lay on my knees as he spread my legs open. I left them there as I felt his torso slide in between my legs and eventually he slid his way up so his torso lay on mine. I wrapped my arms around his chest and used some strength to pull his body onto mine. His legs followed his body as he straddled my waist. 

Our lips and tounges collided for a minute or so until I felt my erection grow larger. Wanting and needing to feel more I lifted my hips off of the bed and up into Louis'. This lifted him up off of my waist a bit only for him to bounce back down onto my groin forcefully. Louis groaned into my mouth that traveled down my throat.

Wanting to feel the sensation against but more needingly, I dug my fingers into Louis' waist, and as I bucked my hips up, I pressed his down.

As Louis got the hint he began to do this himself. We got a rhythm well into the fourth grind. As we approached the sixth I began to feel a bit uncomfortable so on the beat of the seventh buck I placed my hands under Louis' bum cheeks and lifted him up in mid hip roll. I lifted him in the air for a few seconds so I was able to get off my back and lean against the headboard. Louis repositioned himself so his ankles once again locked around my back.

Our kissing continued as well as our bucking. Since I was now sitting, my hip rolls were becoming easier, faster and more frequent. Our heads would turn constantly to find new crevices our tounges had yet to discover. My buldge continued to grow in the confinements of my pants if that was even possible.

Wanting to feel more, but preparing to take off my jeans, on about the twenieth buck of our hips, I rolled my hips up with such force that it took Louis by surprise. He gasped as he was lifted up from my lap yet it caused him to groan the loudest he has all night so far. Our erections pressed together with such force it was a wake up call for both of us.

We were both fiddling with our jeans as if it was a race to take them off. I got mine off within seconds as did Louis. None of us were daring enough to take off our briefs yet neither of us seemed to mind yet.

Louis crawled back onto my lap and secured his legs around my waist. Before pressing our lips back together Louis whispered huskily into my ear, "You're so fucking beautiful." His warm breath traveled down my neck causing goosebumps to appear all over my arms and legs.

Before we began to kiss again, I felt the confinements of our shirts. I grabbed the hem of his shirt first and quickly shed it off. He did the same for me and in an instant our heaving chests were pressed together as were our lips. None of us even waited for entrance as we just started using tounge right away.

As if on cue we both started to grind back on rhythm like before, but this time we weren't covered in layers. I felt more turned on and agressive considering I felt more free without my clothes. It was much more hot as our skin was pressed together. 

With surprise, as I bucked up into Louis and he bucked down into me, I felt his hand began to palm me through my boxers. I moaned deeply stopping my tounge from moving with his. He withdrew his tounge from my mouth due to my unsurpressed moan and he just planted a kiss on my collar bone. I felt him smirking against my skin yet I was too caught up in the moment to care.

"Fuck." I moaned as he began to gently massage my erection.

What made it worse, was he was continuing to grind against it as well. He gently planted kisses along my neck and collar bone. As he neared my sweet spot I let out a soft moan. Louis probably realized this as he began to suck on the spot.

Finding my sweet spot, he bit the skin and began to suck. Unwillingly my hands flew to his bare back and I began to scratch it from pleasure. As his hips dipped down into me, I bucked them up fiercly, almost causing him to lost grip of my buldge.

He soon regained his composure and finished sucking the skin, however he didn't finish massaging my erection. One last time he rolled his hips into mine as I did the same until he whispered in my ear,

"Why don't you take these off for me?" He said sweetly as he tugged on the waist band of my boxers.

Nodding eagerly, Louis rocked onto his knees to allow me some room to slip off my briefs. I quickly slipped them off and was soon free of any clothing.

"Don't let me be the only one." I whispered breathlessly.

The light from the streetlights shining through the window allowed me to see him smirk as he quickly did the same. I didn't even get to get a good look at him before he began to kiss me again. I didn't complain as he sat back down on my waist.

This time it was more excerlerating considering I felt his bare bum against my shaft. What made me more anticipated was the feeling of our erections pressed together. Gulping against his lips, I bucked up into his waist. 

It was much more hot considering we were both fully undressed which made me turned on all the more. We continued kissing until I felt Louis put his palms against the headboard behind me. He released his lips from mine as he began to leave a trail of kisses down my collar bone. 

He was slowly pushing himself down my body from his hands that rest on the headboard behind me. His cock was trailing down my stomach and abdomen as he was kissing lower and lower and as his body traveled lower and lower as well. He got to my stomach and I let out a shaky moan.

His lips completely skipped my erection to begin teasing my thighs. He left tiny kisses on my left thigh which began to tickle me. However my erection twitched with anticipation. Suddenly I felt his wet tounge connect with my thigh. He slowly began to trail his tounge up my thigh, inching closer and closer to my erection. 

I bit my lip out of being turned on and without warning I felt his warm lips wrap around my length. I gasped loudly; embarassing on my part yet I couldn't help it. His tounge twirled around my cock and I couldn't surpress the amount of moans and groans slipping from my mouth.

My hands tangled into his hair and pressed him farther down on my erection. I felt a bit bad but seeing as he was a big boy, he took it all in without hesitation.

"Fuck Lou." I moaned. 

I felt his hands forefully dig their way under my legs and reach my bum cheeks. Although I was sitting on the bed, he somehow found a way to cup both of my cheeks and being to massage them.

Louis sure does know how to pleasure. I felt an overwhelming amount of pleasure, from my erection to my bum. I lifted my hips off the bed so he would have easier access to my bum and so my length could go farther into his throat.

He let out a moan that vibrated down my erection causing me to groan louder in pleasure.

"Louis- shit," I stumbled on words.

He took this time to let his lips slide off the tip of my erection to make a pop. The saliva on my erection caused it to feel cold as it was exposed to the air. However it quickly felt warm once again as he slid my length back into his mouth.

He began to bob his head up and down in a quicker pace and began to massage my bum causing me to moan every two seconds.

"Lou- Lou" I said trying to get his attention.

He moaned to signal that he was listening however it once again traveled down my length causing me to buck my hips into his mouth.

"Louis- I'm going to- I'm coming." I warned him.

He didn't react to what I was saying which worried me. "Lou-" I struggled to talk, "Let me out." I said for his sake.

I didn't want to force him to swallow, however it seemed as if he wanted to. He showed no means of releasing. Instead his hands slipped from behind my bum to travel from my legs up to my chest. He began to massage my shoulders as he began to suck faster.

His cheeks went hollow and as he did this, I felt myself nearing climax. I couldn't hold it in any longer but I wanted him to know.

"Lou! I'm there!" I screamed. 

This only caused him to suck harder with more pressure. He quicked his pace and let his fingers nails dig into my skin trailing down my chest. I groaned and bucked my hips up.

I felt my erection begin to twitch. Louis must've felt it too because his sucking progressed much much quicker and his tounge began into a swirling frenzy. Before I knew it, I felt a sense of relief, as I released my warm cum into Louis' mouth.

I screamed out his name as I rode out my orgasm. I expected Louis to pull away however he never did. I felt him sucking on my now limp erection like lolipop. I felt his throat bob as he swallowed all of my cum as it kept pouring out. Once I stopped he sensed it too as he released my limp erection his mouth.

My now worn out cock lay lazily on my stomach red. I looked down at Louis trying to catch my breath as he licked his lips. I smiled at him tiredly very impressed.

I didn't even noticed he had reached his orgasm until I looked down at my legs. The cum from his legs must've sprayed over my thighs as I rode out mine. 

"Fuck Louis." I moaned out of breath.

He smirked and began to straddle my waist once again. I felt his limp cock on mine however he just rested his head on my shoulder catching his breath. I put my fingers through his hair as I felt his chest lay ontop of mine. Our heartbeats, beated against one another's.

"Shit Lou, when did you come?" I asked.

He didn't respond for a second, "As soon as you did." He said breathlessly.

I paused, "You're so fucking perfect." I said meaning every word.

He pressed a kiss to my shoulder as he rested his head back on it. 

"I'm sorry I didn't get to do anything for you." I whispered feeling embarassed.

He chuckled breathlessly, "It's alright Haz, your moans of satisfaction were enough for me." 

I blushed although he couldn't see it.

We stayed quiet for a few minutes calming down. Louis climbed off of me and lay down next to me. I got under the covers as Louis did the same, and sleep began to overcome me.

I flipped over on my other side to face Louis. His back was facing me so I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled his back to my chest. I blushed as I felt my limp cock against his bum crack and I blushed even more when I subtly pressed up against him more. 

His body heat radiated to me as I snugged my face into his sweaty hair. I was falling asleep until I heard Louis whisper to me,

"Hey Haz?"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I-I think I'm ready..." He said.

I was confused, "Ready for what?" I asked.

He paused, "To tell everyone." He announced.

I stayed quiet. Was he really ready? I was in love with him, that I know. I would want to tell the world but I was still a bit afraid of what everyone will say and react.

"Haz?" He asked.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Did you hear me?" He asked cautiously.

I nodded against his neck.

"Well?" He asked urgingly.

"I'm scared." I whispered.

"Of what?" He asked.

I shrugged, "Of everything." I replied.

He turned over to face me as he said, "Do you love me?" He asked.

"Of course I fucking love you." I fired back.

"Well I love you too, so don't be scared." He said cupping one side of my face. He brushed his thumb over my cheek. "It's okay. Don't worry about anyone else. Worry about us." He whispered.

In that moment I knew I was ready too. If he wanted the world to know, I wanted the world to know. 

"Tomorrow" I whispered as I pecked his lips, "Tomorrow we'll tell management." 

He pecked my lips and let them linger for a few seconds. He smiled against my lips and hid his face in my chest. That night I got more than enough sleep than needed holding the only thing that mattered to me.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter omg, yes there will be a second book and you don't have to wait long for it! The first chapter will be uploaded as if it was a normal update! When I create the new book and add the first chapter, I will make an announcement on here to where you can find the next book! I hope you enjoyed Skinny Love! Leave a comment down below if you're going to read the second book! love you all and thank you so much for supporting me :) ily
> 
> -a xo

Harry's POV

I fluttered my eyelids open due to the sound of people mowing the lawn outside. I yawned heavily and rubbed my eyelid trying to adjust to the surroundings. I peer around the bedroom and I blush at the sudden memories of what occurred last night.

I look down in my arms to see a peaceful sleeping Louis snuggled within them. I sigh in content as I run my fingers through his hair. I stare up at the ceiling thinking today is the day. Today is the day Louis and I finally say what we've been dying to say. No more hiding, this is it. Its the real deal.

It didn't take long after I woke up for Louis to wake up. He began to stir lightly but then he opened his eyelids so I knew he was fully awake.

"Goodmorning beautiful." I whispered kissing the top of his head.

He yawned into my chest as he said, "Goodmorning." 

We remained quiet for a few minutes until he quickly jumped out of my hold and straddled my waist.

"Lastnight was fun." He said pinning down my arms above my head.

He leaned in closer pecking my lips as he said, "Want a re run?" 

I almost got sucked into his requests but I held back everything I had, "We have to see management today Boo." I reminded.

He smirked still stradling my waist, "But I'd much rather stay here with you." He pouted leaning foward and laying his chest against mine while continuing to straddle me. 

"Maybe tonight." I whispered cheekily into his ear.

He smiled at me as he lifted his head. I felt him shift a bit on my waist and I instantly blushed when I remembered that we were completely naked and his cock is basically on mine. I began to feel hard so I knew I needed to get up before I can't resist.

Feeling a bit mischevious I surprisingly flipped us over so I was now straddling him and he was laying underneath me. I smirked at him as he did back.

"I see you're getting clever Haz." He said slyly.

I smiled, "I always have been Boo." 

I leaned forward and rubbed our noses together as I whispered, "Time to get up." I pecked his lips and got off of him and stood up. 

I stretched as he moaned in annoyance, "But I'm still tired!" He argued.

I chuckled as I found my briefs on the floor and pulled them on. "Well too bad, get changed." I ordered, tossing him his briefs as it landed on his face.

In about an hour's time we both showered, got changed, freshened up and ate breakfast. We were now in the car heading to Syco to talk to Simon and other major manangement people. Everyone was pretty much irrelevant besides Simon really. We called Simon this morning to let him know that we wanted to speak to him. Since we never really call for a meeting, he figured it must be important so he cancelled two other plans he had scheduled to talk to us.

I was getting super nervous and although Louis didn't want to admit it, he was too. I think he was trying to 'stay strong' for me however I knew he was scared. I mean it's alright to feel scared... right?

We pulled into the Syco parking lot and I turned off the car. I didn't make an effort to get out of the car though which confused Louis.

"Haz?" Louis asked cautiously shaking my arm lightly.

"What if something goes wrong?" I asked quickly.

He seems startled yet prepared to answer as if he was expecting this question, "It won't, they will accept us Harry. There's no need to worry, lets just get in, tell them and get out. No big deal, alright Haz?" He reassured while rubbing my arm up and down.

It soothed me a bit yet I was still nervous. I gulped as I said, "It's now or never."

"That's the spirit!" He encouraged while giving me a kiss on the cheek.

I sighed with my heart beating miles a minute. If we are ever going to tell anybody it needs to be today. If I pussy my way out of this one I will never get the courage to acutally tell them another day. Forcing myself into the building; with the help of Louis of course; we ask the receptionist to see if Simon can see us now. She rings his office and she informs us he is ready to speak with us.

We are ushered down the hall to the all familiar office. As we approach the door I turn to Louis nervously and say, "What are we going to say? We didn't even discuss this!" 

He sighed and put two hands on my shoulders, "We'll play it by ear alright Haz? Its okay, its just Simon. Besides, we don't need a script we got this." He pulled me in for a hug and of course I couldn't resist.

I wrapped my arms around his much smaller frame and inhaled his scent. Too soon he let go and stood on his tip toes to kiss my forehead. He pushed some curls out of the way saying, "We got this Haz. Lets go." 

I nodded as he knocked on the door to Simon's office. We heard Simon allow us entry from the other side. Louis opened the door and we were face to face with Simon. Simon was smiling friendly at us and he polietly stood up from his desk. We walked over quickly and gave him a hug as he asked us to sit down. We did as he did as well. He laced his fingers together and put his hands on his desk.

"Now." He said, "What can I do for you boys?"

I gulped but luckily Louis took the lead for me, "Well you see Simon, Harry and I here have something really important to tell you and it's taken a lot of courage to come out and say this but we feel as though its time and we're ready." He paused to let Simon take in the information.

Simon eyed us curiously as Louis continued, "Harry and I here have just come to terms not long ago with our true feelings for each other and we decided we were ready to tell-"

"Wait what?" Simon held up a hand and cut us off.

Louis seemed startled and stuttered as he repeated, "Harry and I recently started um well dating?" He said not sounding so confident anymore.

Simon seemed startled and a bit stern more than before. He gulped as my heartbeat increased tremendously. He seemed like he had a lot to say yet he still said, "Continue."

Louis seemed unsure but he still did as he was told, "Um well we finally decided we were comfortable with telling the fans now, we just wanted to let you know in advance." Louis informed.

Simon almost cringed at those words as he stared at us in disbelief, "When did this," he pointed in between the two of us, "happen?" 

Louis and I exchanged a look, "I don't know ab-about two months ago?" I shrugged.

Louis nodded in agreement as Simon continued, "You're serious?" He asked.

"Why would we be joking?" I asked feeling a bit offended.

He shrugged a bit skeptically, "I don't know this seems sort of.... sudden?" 

"Well we didn't tell anyone." Louis defended.

"Not even the boys?" Simon questioned.

"I mean we told the boys and a few friends but thats it." I said.

"What about your families?" He asked.

I bit my lip, "I mean we were going to tell them we just haven't gotten around to it."

"Why am I just informed about this?" He asked now being the offended one.

"Well we weren't ready but now we're comfortable and ready to tell everyone." Louis spoke up.

"No!" Simon yelled a bit too fast, "You will tell no one else." 

My heart dropped, "Excuse me?" I asked my voice raising.

"You heard me correctly. No one else is to know about you two." He said sternly.

"What do you mean? Why?" Louis said his hands turning into fists at his sides.

He sighed running out of patience, "Boys do I really even need to explain why?" He asked as if it was super obvious.

I stood up angrily having enough of him treating us like we were incapable of knowing anything. I slapped my hands on his desk as I shouted, "Yes please enlighten us! I'm sorry if it's so PLAIN to see but I don't see it. So please, tell me! Why Simon?" I mocked bitterly.

"Harry." Louis whispered to me. I felt him place a hand on my shoulder and somehow it calmed me a bit. He urged me to sit back down and I sighed in defeat as I sat down trying to calm myself.

"Well, to break this down slowly... your total fanbase is made up of... girls." He said slowly, "And if you two come out as gay or whatever you are for each other it would destroy your reputation. More importantly, the band's reputation. The sales will drop tremendously because the girls will leave once they find out two out of the five are taken by boys not girls." He said.

"So this is all you're worried about?!" I shouted, "Some stupid record sales! That's all it is to you?!" I said feeling the anger bubble under my skin. I began to stand up again until I felt Louis tug me back down to my seat.

"Harry please." Louis hissed at me. I snapped my head towards him only to see him face Simon, "Look Simon, that's just stupid the fans are our fans. They will support us, sure they will be a bit weirded out at first but they will accept us. They are our fans for a reason right?" Louis assured.

Simon chuckled, "Is that really what you boys think? They will accept you? Only in a perfect world would that happen. You boys never even thought about the consequences did you?" He said assuming everything.

"Don't you even dare say I didn't even think of the consequences! I spent months thinking about every consequence and every scenerio!" I spat out with hatred, "Don't even say that! You don't know anything!" I yelled.

He sat back in his chair, "I suppose I don't know everything, but I do know this is not something you can just announce. It's bigger than that, the media will eat you alive. There is no way you guys are doing something as idiotic as telling everyone." Simon stated.

"Who is going to stop us?!" I yelled threatening him.

"Maybe not me Harry," He stated calmly. He reached over in one of his drawers and began rummaging through files beyond files until he came upon a blue folder. He looked through the contents and took out a familiar piece of paper. He passed it to me and I grabbed it quickly showing my anger as I skimmed over it. "You might recognize that as your contract." He said.

I bit my lip realizing that it was my contract. "And in that contract," He continued, "Gives our label, specifically me; permission to make the final decision on all announcements, events, album releases etc." He paused to let everything sink in, "Signed by you at the bottom."

My eyes trailed to the bottom to see my name signed in cursive on the dotted line. My hands squeezed the paper angrily as I threw back down on his desk. "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Louis interjected.

"Oh yes I can. Besides it's not all that bad boys. I'm helping you." Simon explained.

I scoffed bitterly, "Helping us?" I said sarcastically, "NO that's the very opposite!"

He chuckled, "On the contrary, this is just a phase." he folded his hands.

"How is this just a phase?!" I spat, "You couldn't possibly know anything!" 

"Boys, you are so young. Your naive minds cannot comprehend that this isn't what you really feel. You are young, let this part of your life ride out. In a year or so you will feel differently about each other." He paused, "Trust me."

"GOD DAMNIT!" Louis snapped standing up pounding his fist on the desk, "YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY KNOW THAT! WE AREN'T FIVE YEARS OLD SIMON. I'M TURNING TWENTY ONE, I'M CONSIDERED AN ADULT JUST AS MUCH AS YOU ARE! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT I'M FEELING, YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY KNOW!" Louis was now fuming and by this point I was as well.

I stood up with Louis to try and make our statement bold, "Who cares about a dumb piece of paper Simon?! We aren't scared of breaking a stupid signed contract, it's not like you're going to take us out of the band!" I defended crossing my arms thinking I got him cornered.

"Well of course I wouldn't take you guys out of the band. That would be completely stupid of me, however if I can't take you out of the band and you break your contract and tell the world about your..." he paused, "phase... Then enjoy your time destroying everything the other boys worked for." He announced.

I raised my eyebrows in confusion and he seemed to pick up on it. He sighed but continued,

"Like I said, if you boys come out it's obvious not everyone is going to like it. In fact, most people won't like it. Yes you'll have a few supporting fans but the majority will find it repulsive, sad but true. Now what do you think happens to Zayn, Niall and Liam?" He said looking between me and Louis, "Well obviously you don't want to destroy something they worked so hard for."

I gulped seeing his point as much as I hated it.

"Don't be selfish." He stated.

I was about to snap again until I felt Louis grab my hand. I grasped it in mine and squeezed it. He squeezed it back and he said, 

"How would it destroy their careers?" Louis questioned although he already knew the answer.

"Well, everyone would stop buying your music which would eventually put your band name out of the charts. You boys will soon be old news, destroying not only your careers... but your best friends. I can't stop you just know that it's your choice." Simon said.

It was quiet for a few seconds. We were all just really soaking in the situation. How can this be happening? I thought today was going to be the day that everything made sense. Everything I've been doing was going to lead up to this moment but I only just got knocked down. Why does reality always have to get in the way?

I opened my mouth to fight back until I felt Louis squeeze my hand.

"Stop." Louis stated. I closed my mouth and looked down at him. He was staring at his shoes when he said, "He's right. We can't be selfish Haz, think about the boys."

My mouth opened wide in shock, "YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE IN SO EASILY?!" I said ripping my hand from his.

"WHAT?!" Louis asked shocked, "NO! OF COURSE NOT! BUT ITS NOT LIKE TELLING EVERYONE WILL MAKE IT BETTER. HARRY DON'T YOU SEE?! SIMON ISN'T DOING THIS TO MAKE US ANGRY, HE'S DOING IT TO PROTECT US!" Louis snapped back.

I refused to see his part of the story, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, YOU WOULD THROW EVERYTHING AWAY, EVERYTHING WE HAVE! LIKE IT MEANS NOTHING TO YOU!" I said feeling tears make their way to the surface.

"HARRY! LISTEN TO ME, NO MATTER WHAT WE SAY IT WON'T MAKE IT BETTER, WE WERE FOOLISH TO THINK IT WOULD WORK OUT!" He yelled.

"SO NOW YOU REGRET EVERYTHING? YOU THINK THIS WAS ALL JUST FOOLISH HUH?!" I roared.

"THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT!" He sputtered.

Tears now flowed down my cheeks making it apparent that I was destroyed, "Oh no." I said calmer, "You made it clear enough. I will NEVER stop fighting for what I think is right. I would never stop for the thing that makes me so goddamn happy and neither would you. Maybe it's because you don't share the same feelings for me as I give you. I was all a joke, wasn't I?" I asked tears wetting my shirt, "I wouldn't have gave up Lou. I would never give up for you, for us. But now I see you would." my voice cracked, "Maybe it's time for me to let go of something that I was so dumb to think it would work out in the first place. I need to stop running in circles because all I ever feel is lost."

End of Book 1.


	23. NEXT BOOK IS UP!

So thanks everyone for supporting Skinny Love. As you know, Skinny Love was only book 1. I continued with a book 2 and i finally posted the first chapter.

It's called Can't Be Exposed. You can find it on my profile but if you can't find it for any reason here is the link: 

http://archiveofourown.org/works/1064464?view_adult=true

Anyways thanks for reading this and I hope you all support me in my next book! :)


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